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Livhereandnow Asked November 29, 2023

My mum is on end of life and hasn’t eaten or drank anything for 11 days now. I’m just wondering how this can be possible/advice please?

My mum has a brain tumour and has been in a Carehome now for 2 years. I had a phone call on the 19th of November stating that mum has secretions building in the back of her throat and that she wasn’t able to swallow. She was placed on NIL by mouth on the 19th. She has two syringe drivers in place to give her steroids, anti seizure medication and morphine now. She is still fighting now and I’m really confused how this can be possible. I have been at the Carehome everyday since the 19th of November for 12 hours plus. I’m just wondering if anyone has experienced this and how long this can actually last for?
I feel super guilty even asking that question but I am just baffled, confused and fed up now. Thank you

AlvaDeer Nov 29, 2023
This is normal.
I recommend the VSED Handbook by Kate Christie (Amazon), a short handbook of her journey with her mother stopping eating and drinking as a self-deliverance.
The NORM is 7 days to 14 days. There are definite stages. Definitely bodily changes and mental changes. I am certain hospice is now on board for you? They can tell you exact signs of the end's approach.
I am so sorry. This, nor most ways of dying--not easy. Just not easy. The morphine will help and there are other meds that help as well, but this is absolutely normal all you feel. The VSED Handbook will, I think, be a comfort to you even if read AFTER the death.

I am again so sorry for this. It is a crucible to stand witness, and the writer of the handbook makes that clear. At best this is very tough stuff. My heart goes out to you.

NeedHelpWithMom Nov 29, 2023
My mom was unconscious for a while during the end of her stay in her ‘end of life’ hospice care home.

When I spoke to the nurse about it, she said that my mother was traveling. She felt like mom had one foot in this world and the other foot was leaving this world.

It’s difficult to see. The staff was wonderful to my mother. Don’t be concerned about your mum’s mouth being dry. They will moisten it with a damp sponge.

Wishing you peace during this difficult time.

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LilyLavalle Nov 29, 2023
Yes, my grandmother was unconscious for 30 days without food or drink when she was dying after a stroke. I'm sorry you are going through this. Please take care of yourself, eat regularly and most importantly sleep. (((Hugs)))
Livhereandnow Nov 29, 2023
Thank you, I really appreciate it. I just don’t want her to suffer any longer especially with no fluids.
funkygrandma59 Nov 29, 2023
I was told on Aug.5th 2020 by hospice that my husband would be dead in 3 days as he was then in a partial coma.
He died on Sept. 14th 2020, and had no food for 41 days and no drink for over 25 days, though he was getting some liquid fentanyl through his PICC line.
And yes it was very hard to watch him basically wither away before my eyes.

Only God knows the day and time that He will take your mum Home, so just enjoy whatever time you may have left with her and leave nothing left unsaid.
Your mum knows you love her so you really don't have to stay by her bedside 12 hours a day. Your mum may not want you there when she leaves this world for the next, so don't be surprised that she passes when you're not there.
However it happens is how it was supposed to happen, so don't feel bad or guilty for your choices.
I pray for God's peace and comfort to be with you in the days, weeks and months ahead.
Oedgar23 Nov 29, 2023
My husband‘s grandma was on hospice, unresponsive, and had not eaten in about two weeks. She was in a tiny assisted-living apartment with 24 hour aids at this point, and hospice care. I was at her bedside, and then stepped away to the tiny living room, because her son had arrived. They brought food and were eating it, and I was away from the bed for only five or 10 minutes. I stepped back in to check on grandma, and she was gone. I think she was waiting for an alone moment to slip away. She was a very proper proper and dignified person, and I think she wanted privacy.
waytomisery Nov 29, 2023
Yes , I’ve seen this happen for 2 weeks or more when I worked in nursing homes . It is truly amazing when it goes on for so long . Don’t feel guilty for asking the question or for wanting death to occur and Mum to be at rest . It’s very common. In essence you have started grieving already . Do not feel as if you have to stay 12 hours a day or try to be there until her last breath . Many wait to die until there is no visitor in the room. I have witnessed countless times , family sit in vigil , exhausted, finally leave to go get sleep , and soon after death finally occurs .
I’m sorry for your loss. May you find peace .
Livhereandnow Nov 29, 2023
Thank you. I just feel so guilty for leaving her. I appreciate your response

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