To speak to my aunt. She doesn't answer her phone because of mobile issues. I used to communicate with her through emails and now she doesn't respond to those. The last time she responded to me through email, she told me she had help coming in twice a week for one hour. I believe that is a fib, because it's hard to find anyone to come in for those few hours. So, I believe she's back to square one, again on her own and in her own filth and mess.
I don't want to ask my cousin who lives closer to aunt how she's coming along, because that will open Pandora's box again with the pleading of me to come down for a few weeks to help. I thought about visiting, but with a long trip, there would be no place for me to sleep, as aunt has incontinence issues.
She obviously cannot go on this way. I have given up POA, but aunt is so difficult and probanly lying now about having home care help, that I just don't know what to do, other than continue to keep my distance. She got rid of the home care I arranged for her. Cousins are in denial about aunt and just do what she tells them, which is to leave her in her home. Ugh. Just venting.
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Have fun on your cruise!
You gave up POA and all I can say is GOOD ON YOU.
And the cousin is there and dealing with it well as the cousin and aunt likely EVER dealt with anything at all.
I think right now is just an adjustment period for yourself.
Keep busy. Do what you can to make your OWN life more full. Walk and take on hobbies and read and just enjoy the freedom.
There isn't anything you could have done. That's a kind of grief. Allow yourself a mourning period. Send snail mail cards and letters: don't expect to hear back.
My best out to you, tired. Your mind will retrain itself if you just give it a bit of time and fill your life with good things. Don't beat yourself up at all. Not everything can be fixed. There's nothing you can do here but let this go. As an old RN I am here to tell you that for the most part we die as we lived.
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About the only thing you can do is call APS about her situation or have the police do a welfare check on her if you don't want to call the cousin. Aunt won't change until she has an accident that takes her to the ER and incapacitates her completely.
Your aunt sounds like most of the miserable and selfish elderly who refuse to get help when they need it and try to ruin the lives of family members by making them feel guilt and obligation to help said elderly person.
I am so glad you have stayed strong and not destroyed your life to take care of your aunt for god knows how many years.
I know that this is a frustrating situation for you. I’m sorry.
A cruise? Wonderful!!!! Enjoy 😊
You could contact the local Senior Center they may have a Social Worker that would follow up.
Or you could contact the police and ask for a "well being" check.
But bottom line is you can not do anything to make her accept help. You can not do more than you are already.
Sometimes, unfortunately it takes some catastrophic event that "forces" action.
I think you know that and are probably waiting for that call.
If you think she would allow it you could try cameras so you can see that she is alright. Or I recently learned that if you have Alexa and she has Alexa you can "drop in" and communicate with her. So maybe a gift of Alexa for the holidays might be an answer to keeping tabs on her.
I know you may not want to get APS involved but I think it may give u some peace of mind. They will investigate. They will determine if she needs to be placed or there are resources to help her. She will then be on their radar. Maybe checking on her periodically.
If you don't want to call APS call Office of Aging. IMO if u call APS, they investigate and do nothing, and something happens, its then on them. Remember, this is an Aunt and not a close one in miles or relationship. No one can make u or ur cousin care for her. That would be like my DH being held responsible for an Aunt who lives 900 miles away that he hasn't seen in 9 yrs and rarely talks to on the phone.