Is it easier to have someone tell my mother that I have died or just stop contacting her? My sister, POA, is making it difficult to visit.

Since you put your question under the Alzheimer's/dementia category, I'll assume your mom has AD/Dementia. If you are going to ask someone to tell your mother you died, why not ask that person to tell mom you LOVE her very much and would very much like to VISIT her instead. Perhaps that info will be relayed to the sister you're in a feud with, and she will allow a visit.

I’m sorry that this has happened in your family. It must be devastating for you.

We have no idea what caused your sister to feel this way. We don’t know much about your mother’s situation. So, I am not going to speculate about what is going on here.

Your hands are tied here since your sister has POA and she has the authority to make decisions about what is best for your mom. I don’t know if this can be challenged, since we don’t have any details about your particular situation.

I can’t see how it would make sense to tell your mother that you have died. Why would you want to do this and cause grief for your mom?

This is between you and your sister. I certainly hope that one day you will be able to resolve this issue so that your family can live together in harmony.

What have you done so far to help resolve this situation? Have you spoken with your sister? Written a letter to her? Has your relationship always been strained or were you once a close knit family?

Wishing you peace during this time of uncertainty.

Can you tell us a bit about why Sister is forbidding you see your Mom?
Do you wish to continue to see your mom?
Have you tried to inlist help to see your mom, even accompanied, by, say, APS?

If your mother wishes to see you, and she is at all competent to know who you are, then she should be able to see you in this her last time on earth. You may need to inlist the help of an attorney if all else fails.

Generally when this happens there is already quite a flood of water under the bridge.
Can you tell us just what happened here?

If you are now forbidden contact then nothing CAN be told mom according to your wishes, as sister is in control and can/will tell her whatever she pleases.
Myself, I would start with a note to sister:
Dear Sister:
You and I have had a lot of trouble and disagreement, and I want to tell you only I am sorry for my part in it and I want now only peace for Mom's last days. I am so thankful she is in your loving care.
Can you please allow me to make brief visits to mom? I am happy for them to be in your presence and happy to obey any restrictions you wish to put upon me. Should you not wish to communicate with you in future I will absolutely honor your wishes. But could you allow me only brief visits to mom.
Meanwhile please do let me know ways in which I can possibly help you. I am glad to be your personal shopper, or whatever may help.
Again I am sorry for anything I have contributed to the breach between us, and I want only peace and love for our mom.
Love, Jac
You know, you have nothing there to lose.
And can make decisions if she says no, about what to do next.
I am so sorry. Siblings at war is a bit of a pet peeve of mine; it tears our vulnerable senior to shreds during their weakest time.
My best wishes out to you.

You give no background info. Is Mom competent? If so, a POA is not even in effect as long as Mom is capable of making her own decisions. The POA does not have the right to keep another sibling away if they pose no threat to the parent, IMO. Financial POA is just that, she handles Moms finances. Medical, she carries out Moms wishes when she is no longer competent. But, they should not allow how they feel about a sibling to interfere with a parent seeing a child.

All you can do here is consult with a lawyer to see what rights u have. If you have no money, there is Legal Aid.

You’d be asking someone to lie for you. They might not want that on their conscience.

Also, it seems very cruel to tell your mother that her child is dead, whether you think she’d understand or not. I have lost a child, and it’s a source of endless pain every day. Don’t do that to your mom.

Stop participating, back away from this toxic relationship(s), for me when I went no contact with my mother, she died in my eyes, not me, I went on to live a happy life without her in it.

Sending support your way, I get it!

I think getting someone to mediate the situation would be the right thing to do.
You do not go into detail as to why your sister is doing this

If you could explain a bit more as to why the situation is like it is you might get more helpful answers.

Seeing a lawyer and asking for a court hearing to have a judge order visits would be expensive and may be futile without knowing what is going on.

I think telling your mother you died would be very upsetting to her . With every time it is said to someone with advanced memory deficits it’s like you just died , and they are devastated each time . If or when your mother’s memory gets worse she won’t remember how long it’s been since she has heard from you .
I am sorry you are in this situation .