Good Grief, this man should not be driving, what are you thinking?
I was recently in an accident, not my fault, yet the insurance company had my doctor confirm that I was of sound mind and he tested my reflexes, everything was Aok. I am 76 and I don't blame them.
If your husband has an accident that is his fault you could lose everything.
I will admit that sometimes I have walked down the wrong aisle looking for my care, especially if I leave through a different door than the one I entered into the store or mall. But I am never off by much. If your husband can not find his car then he should not be driving. If your husband has been diagnosed with dementia AND it is a confirmed diagnosis and it is in his medical records he should NOT be driving...period..end of discussion. If he were in an accident does not matter if he caused it or not if it is discovered..and it would be..that he has dementia there is a good chance that he (read you as well) would be sued and most likely you would lose everything. I say you would probably be sued as well since you knowingly allowed him to drive after getting a diagnosis of dementia. I am guessing that YOU will be getting a new car and he will be driving it. The reason I say that is because with dementia he really, legally can not enter into a contract.
Please get him off the road. He shouldn’t be driving.
Dementia isn’t only memory loss. It’s inability to judge distances, or having to think about what STOP means, or if you have to turn right at the corner to get to the drugstore but you don’t remember the word drugstore at the moment or what a Walgreens means. A dementia patient faces these things every day and you will have no idea what is in his head until someone calls and tells you his car is parked in their driveway and your husband, who doesn’t know them, is acting confused. (This happened in my community several months ago.)
Never underestimate dementia. I’m sure you wish to go on as if husband is fine and only has a little memory issue. But you can’t. Your life is different now.
Someone with dementia should not be driving. He is a danger to himself and others. This is not fair to innocent pedestrians and other drivers. How do you KNOW he "Still drives safely independently?" How do you KNOW he can judge distance, stop properly, or react quickly? He is apparently alone driving, so nobody KNOWS he is driving safely (or not)....until a tragedy happens. This is not good.
From the OPs profile: I am caring for my husband Steve, who is 71 years old, living at home with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, diabetes, hearing loss, incontinence, mobility problems, and stroke.
"He still drives safely independently"... until he doesn't.
My uncle with dementia should have had his license and car retired but his children didn't do it and one random day he ran a red light and got T-boned on the passenger side, killing his wife of 60+ years (and a 2x cancer survivor). The innocent victims in the other vehicle were thankfully not seriously injured.
Also, my friend's Mom in California (who "still drove safely independently") got lost on the way to the vet to retrieve her daughter's dog (a familiar route) and got lost for 14 hours... she didn't even think to stop and call the police. Just kept driving and frantically talking to her daughter on the phone who was in Central America.
Please please do what you know is right and stop him from driving immediately. It may feel hard at first but then it will get better once he accepts it (and you stay firm).
Regarding getting a new vehicle (as in not previously owned): all new cars have way more technology in them. This alone will stymie him, and probably you as well.
Before my mom died, my step-father got lost going to his doctor. Mom ignored it even though he'd been diagnosed with mild dementia, or the beginning stages. Since her passing I've taken over as POA and trustee, etc. After a few falls I attempted to have him voluntarily give up the keys to no avail. He always insisted that he never had any problems driving and only travels in the neighborhood.
Then I got the call from his aid, "he isn't home and didn't sleep in his bed last night." Total panic set in as I sent out everyone looking while I called the emergency services and the hospitals. He's nowhere to be found. A few hours later we received a call from an ER doctor a couple of counties away, many miles away. "Your dad's here and spent the night. When can you get here?"
His memory of the event was a complete mess. He thought his car was in the hospital parking lot. He fell and hurt his head needing stitches and thought that was at Wal-Mart. No one could tell us if he walked in or was brought by ambulance. We looked for the car everywhere he said. Calling the police dispatch, at first they were no help, but a detective called back who overheard the call. He witnessed dad's fall and car, 20 miles away from where we were. How's that for pure luck?
Alls we can figure is dad was going back to where he lived many years earlier. To get the keys away I had to tell him the car was needing a lot of service and I was taking it in. I explained a few days later why I wouldn't be bringing it back. I got an earful but he finally understood after a sitting with it a few days.
We just can't trust a damaged mind. Get those keys before someone is hurt.
I think u may need to put the new vehicle on hold. As everyone says, if he can't remember where he put the car, he should not be driving. Next thing, he is going to forget how to get home. As lea said, might want to put the car on hold. If your worried about finances you may not need the payment. If ur husband has always made the financial decisions, his Dementia is going to keep him from still doing it. Its going to be up to you to handle the money.
If by some miracle the husband is “still driving safely,” I am willing to bet that a great deal of that is down to “muscle memory.” Put him in a new vehicle in which the controls are a bit different, and his response times will be off by enough to put an end to whatever “safe” driving ability he has left.
Please dont let your husband drive, what you think is safe isnt. My husband took our daughter’s car over 200 miles into another state, crashed & totaled it. State police had been following him & were getting ready to pull him over for a DUI. He wasnt hurt, and it was discovered he also had a UTI. He had no idea where he was, what really happened & didnt recognize me. It required hiring a lawyer in OR, 2 court appearances & a fine. He had been driving up to that time, but I didnt ride with him. That was the last time he drove; he wasnt happy about it but thats the way it had to be. I’m thankful that he didnt hurt or kill anyone
OMG!!! PLEASE for the love of God don't continue letting your husband who has a broken brain get behind the wheel of any vehicle. Do you not realize how very dangerous that is not only for him but also all the innocent people who will be on the road with him? And God forbid he hits and kills someone. Do you not realize that if the courts find out that he's been diagnosed with dementia and you let him continue to drive that you both could lose everything you own in a major lawsuit? Is it really worth taking that kind of chance? Almost nothing gets me as fired up as when a person continues to let their loved one drive when they have dementia. It so very irresponsible! I do hope that you will rethink this nonsense and do what's best for all the innocent people on the roadways.
47 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
I was recently in an accident, not my fault, yet the insurance company had my doctor confirm that I was of sound mind and he tested my reflexes, everything was Aok. I am 76 and I don't blame them.
If your husband has an accident that is his fault you could lose everything.
If your husband can not find his car then he should not be driving.
If your husband has been diagnosed with dementia AND it is a confirmed diagnosis and it is in his medical records he should NOT be driving...period..end of discussion.
If he were in an accident does not matter if he caused it or not if it is discovered..and it would be..that he has dementia there is a good chance that he (read you as well) would be sued and most likely you would lose everything. I say you would probably be sued as well since you knowingly allowed him to drive after getting a diagnosis of dementia.
I am guessing that YOU will be getting a new car and he will be driving it. The reason I say that is because with dementia he really, legally can not enter into a contract.
Please do not allow him to drive.
ADVERTISEMENT
Dementia isn’t only memory loss. It’s inability to judge distances, or having to think about what STOP means, or if you have to turn right at the corner to get to the drugstore but you don’t remember the word drugstore at the moment or what a Walgreens means. A dementia patient faces these things every day and you will have no idea what is in his head until someone calls and tells you his car is parked in their driveway and your husband, who doesn’t know them, is acting confused. (This happened in my community several months ago.)
Never underestimate dementia. I’m sure you wish to go on as if husband is fine and only has a little memory issue. But you can’t. Your life is different now.
Very sorry.
He is apparently alone driving, so nobody KNOWS he is driving safely (or not)....until a tragedy happens. This is not good.
From the OPs profile:
I am caring for my husband Steve, who is 71 years old, living at home with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, diabetes, hearing loss, incontinence, mobility problems, and stroke.
My uncle with dementia should have had his license and car retired but his children didn't do it and one random day he ran a red light and got T-boned on the passenger side, killing his wife of 60+ years (and a 2x cancer survivor). The innocent victims in the other vehicle were thankfully not seriously injured.
Also, my friend's Mom in California (who "still drove safely independently") got lost on the way to the vet to retrieve her daughter's dog (a familiar route) and got lost for 14 hours... she didn't even think to stop and call the police. Just kept driving and frantically talking to her daughter on the phone who was in Central America.
Please please do what you know is right and stop him from driving immediately. It may feel hard at first but then it will get better once he accepts it (and you stay firm).
Regarding getting a new vehicle (as in not previously owned): all new cars have way more technology in them. This alone will stymie him, and probably you as well.
Then I got the call from his aid, "he isn't home and didn't sleep in his bed last night." Total panic set in as I sent out everyone looking while I called the emergency services and the hospitals. He's nowhere to be found. A few hours later we received a call from an ER doctor a couple of counties away, many miles away. "Your dad's here and spent the night. When can you get here?"
His memory of the event was a complete mess. He thought his car was in the hospital parking lot. He fell and hurt his head needing stitches and thought that was at Wal-Mart. No one could tell us if he walked in or was brought by ambulance. We looked for the car everywhere he said. Calling the police dispatch, at first they were no help, but a detective called back who overheard the call. He witnessed dad's fall and car, 20 miles away from where we were. How's that for pure luck?
Alls we can figure is dad was going back to where he lived many years earlier. To get the keys away I had to tell him the car was needing a lot of service and I was taking it in. I explained a few days later why I wouldn't be bringing it back. I got an earful but he finally understood after a sitting with it a few days.
We just can't trust a damaged mind. Get those keys before someone is hurt.
And God forbid he hits and kills someone. Do you not realize that if the courts find out that he's been diagnosed with dementia and you let him continue to drive that you both could lose everything you own in a major lawsuit? Is it really worth taking that kind of chance?
Almost nothing gets me as fired up as when a person continues to let their loved one drive when they have dementia. It so very irresponsible!
I do hope that you will rethink this nonsense and do what's best for all the innocent people on the roadways.
See All Answers