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Mareva Asked December 13, 2023

99 year old aunt will not cooperate.

99 year old Aunt entered Memory Care 3 month ago. In the beginning they just left her sit in her rocking chair - she then developed edema. Previous she was not on any medications. Now on furosimide.
Aunt wants to sit in her Mothers rocking chair not the reclining chair with elevated legs.
Per Doctor they are supposed to walk her 4x a day - doubt they can do this.
She is a very nice person, does not cause problems but just won’t keep legs elevated when in her room.
Am afraid they will ask her to leave as she requires more attention than most others and I feel they are short of help but will not admit to it.
What can be done to help Aunt do what she should so she won’t be kicked out?
Have tried many things but the rocker was her Moms and is her only memory of home which is where she would rather be.
How much care does one need to stay in their home legally? Believe it would be unaffordable for her.
What to do?

brandee Dec 14, 2023
In the rocker she is getting movement and exercise. Mom got her first bedsore from a recliner.

Beatty Dec 13, 2023
Gosh at 99 let the woman sit on her favorite chair I say!

Yes rocking chairs can be hard to get in & out (or unsafe) but staff can assist. Or use a hoist if need.

Sitting in a rocking chair, using the feet & calf muscles to rock, even gently, is going to add circulation benefits. May be better than just elevating legs anyway... but regardless, what's the aim here? Preserving life or QUALITY of life?

Edit: Read all the replies now. Think we all agree 🥰

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MargaretMcKen Dec 13, 2023
I also sit in my grandmother’s rocking chair, but I put my feet up on a footstool. I don’t actually rock a lot, just get the right angle to be comfortable and to put my feet up. A footstool could be a trip hazard, but it should be possible to put it close to a window or a solid piece of furniture to make that much less likely. I leave a gap between the footstool and the rocking chair, so that I can stand between them and then sit in the rocking chair. Work out if that might work for A, if she loves the chair but doesn’t rock all the time.

Southernwaver Dec 13, 2023
Btw, recliners don’t elevate the legs as needed. She would need a mountain of pillows under her legs on the recliner.

let her do what she wants.
againx100 Dec 13, 2023
Right. Feet need to really be above heart level which does not happen in a recliner. So, leave her be. Rock in her rocker to her heart's content.
Evamar Dec 13, 2023
I hope all of us at 99 will be allowed to do as we please.
She is not harming anyone.
Perhaps comfort of her Mom’s chair and reflecting on life well lived is all she needs.

NeedHelpWithMom Dec 13, 2023
My mom loved her rocking chair in her room. At one point in time she had horrible edema. The compression stockings were a pain in the butt but she wore them.

When her Parkinson’s disease progressed she had issues getting out of her chair. I bought her a lift recliner. She loved it! Occasionally though, she would fiddle with the remote too much and nearly throw herself out of the chair! 😆

When she was near the end of her life, we didn’t push the compression stockings. She was so thin and her edema wasn’t as much of an issue anymore.

No one cared where Mom sat. The only thing at that point was to make sure she was comfortable.

At the end of her life she was completely bed bound. The staff at her end of life hospice care home made her as comfortable as possible. They would adjust her hospital bed to accommodate her.

Do they make rockers that recline? That is the only thing that I can think of.

Personally, I think her comfort is the only thing that truly matters.
Midkid58 Dec 13, 2023
Didn't think of that. My rocker reclines. I'm usually too anxious to sit still, but I can rock away while watching TV.
newbiewife Dec 13, 2023
They make gliding ottomans that go with gliding rockers but can be ordered separately. They allow you to keep your feet up while rocking. I suspect they might work with a regular rocker too. There are nice standalone stationery ottomans too. This is assuming aunt is willing to put her feet up. I'm short and find it more comfortable to have my feet up when sitting. I have a swivel rocker and use a footstool when I'm sitting in that, and find that it's perfectly easy to rock with my feet up.
Isthisrealyreal Dec 13, 2023
Those gliders are seriously uncomfortable. I bought a beautiful solid oak one and gave it away after sitting in it twice. Just saying.
MeDolly Dec 13, 2023
At 99 she should do whatever she wants.

She won't be kicked out, they understand this much better than most family members do. It is a regular occurrence.

Leave her be, don't worry about her not putting her legs up. Let her die in peace, she deserves this...exiting on her own terms.

NeedHelpWithMom Dec 13, 2023
I wouldn’t try to convince her to sit in a recliner. Let her live out the rest of her life in peace.

Midkid58 Dec 13, 2023
SHE'S 99!!!

What kind of expectations can you possibly have for a LO who is almost 100 years old?

No, the drs aren't going to kick her out of her care situation b/c she can't walk and won't comply with putting her legs up. Honestly, at this point, why try to extend a life that's been lived 20 years past the norm??

Let her rock away her anxiety. Don't push the recliner idea. Give her as much joy and love as you can and don't expect ANYTHING other than a peaceful end to a long life!!!

Geaton777 Dec 13, 2023
Will she wear compression socks? They make ones that zipper up.

Not sure about hospice, which has been mentioned by others but why not ask.

The facility won't ask her to leave. A doctor can assess her for LTC if she becomes unable to walk. Then Medicaid can be applied for.

JoAnn29 Dec 13, 2023
Its not that she is 99 its that she suffers from a Dementia, the reason she is in MC. She cannot be reasoned with. I agree, let her do what she wants to. Rocking in the rocker may help her with anxiety. And as Willie says it is exercise.

Mareva Dec 13, 2023
Thank you so very much for reminding me of who is in control of when we are born and when we die.

Am asking them for ‘hospice’ care and let sit where she wants and do what she wants since she is 99 and God will decide when she leaves this world no matter what we do. Let her go on God’s terms and hers. Amen

AlvaDeer Dec 13, 2023
With lasix on board you are looking now at heart failure. She will be able to, and should have Hospice at this time. The heart pump is weakening, and at 99 she may not have much longer to so. I doubt she will be able to stay home without 24/7 care. Without funds for that she will likely need placement with hospice. If the heart failure is causing swelling in the peripheral extremities she has Right Heart Failure, which is less severe than Left which causes shortness of breath when reclined, or flat in bed. She may at this point have both right and left failure.

I wish you the best. Consider SNF as long as that can be arranged by her MD/or IF it can be arranged.

cwillie Dec 13, 2023
If she actually rocks the chair that can be good physical therapy!

PeggySue2020 Dec 13, 2023
Try compression stockings and walking her to toilet or bed.

BarbBrooklyn Dec 13, 2023
Welcome, Mareva!

At the age of 99, I would hope that allowing her to do what she wants is acceptable to everyone.

Have you considered a palliative care evaluation?

If she's happy, isn't that enough?
funkygrandma59 Dec 13, 2023
Exactly Barb. I believe at the age of 99, we've earned the right to do what we want. I mean what's the worst that will happen, she dies? She'll be dying soon anyway so let her go out on her own terms.
I would imagine that at her age she would qualify for hospice, so why not bring them on board?

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