How to deal with resentment and lessening desire to spend time with aging parent?

Ask yourself if you'd be friends with this man if he wasn't your father? Has he got ANY redeeming qualities about him that would make you agree to a friendship? If the answer is no, then the answer is also no to your question, "Any ideas for how I can get back to a state of wanting to talk and spend time with him again?” Because you don't like him as a person, meaning it's too difficult to spend quality time with him. You may still love him, but w/o like, there is no camaraderie.

Unless he can begin respecting you as his daughter and stop treating you as a servant to do his bidding, there's no chance of a relationship. Unless you can sit through a movie with him which requires no conversing.

Have some Help come in - talk to a social worker and get some services for him. Like a housekeeper to come in , a grocery shopper . Encourage some social activities . What happens is we end up being the everything person and dont have a Life .

I dont have any answers but I totally understand this feeling

I resent my mom for many of the same reasons you describe, and I hate to think that after she is gone I will realize I spent her last years resenting her.

Way when my journey started six years back as my dad was almost passed from Alzheimers, and it was clear my mom would make me he whipping post instead of my dad, a friend suggested to me we get outside help then as it is hard to be both a child and a caregiver, he thought I should concentrate on being a son

But as Plant says in a subsequent post: . I didn't think to add the question into my main post: For a moment let's set aside the issue of all the "needs" of my dad, and look at the idea of trying to rekindle the relationship. Any ideas for how I can get back to a state of wanting to talk and spend time with him again?

And thats what I struggle with. Maybe there is not an answer .

Hopefully people see this... I didn't think to add the question into my main post: For a moment let's set aside the issue of all the "needs" of my dad, and look at the idea of trying to rekindle the relationship. Any ideas for how I can get back to a state of wanting to talk and spend time with him again?

Start learning to be honest with him.
Start learning to say "no".
Let him know you cannot fulfill his chore list and he will have to hire on some help for it.
Be honest with him. It will save so much time and angst.

I get the impression that you don't live close by. I am familiar with Bi-Polar having two cousins who have it. One at 67 is off the rails because she won't medicate and uses alcohol to medicate. The other excepted his diagnosis years ago and has learned to work around it. Not that he does not have his manic times or depression but he deals with it. And he too is very sensitive.

You cannot help your Dad and with your problems should not be his caregiver. Its not your fault he is 80 with no friends. Its not your fault he has depression which can be helped. When he says "u don't do anything for me" ask him "what do you want me to do for you Dad?" Listen then tell him what you can do and what you can't. "I can't do anything for ur depression Dad you need to see a Dr." "Can't be ur everything because I have a life of my own"

If Dad hasn't had one lately, he needs a good physical. Labs, cognitively and a physical. Labs may find out his numbers are low. Thyroid can cover a lot of problems. Low potassium can cause depression. Dehydration can cause problems. B12 is another problem. It may just be as simple as bringing up those #s. Maybe, if he has the money, Dad could go into Assisted living. He would have some socialization there.

You can only do so much. You can’t give something that you don’t have to give. Don’t push yourself too far. Your needs are equally as important as your father’s needs.

Start thinking of alternative ways for your dad to receive help. Have you contacted Council on Aging in your dad’s area? That’s a good place to start.

Best wishes to you and your father.

Decide what you are willing to do for him and do only that. If he suggests a chore (say mowing the lawn) tell him he will need to hire out for that as you cannot do it. Then change the subject. Don't fall for manipulation. Tell him point blank you do not have the time or desire to do all his chores for him. I didn't mind helping my father with things he couldn't do but I refused to do things he just didn't feel like doing. That is not my problem.