How to know when a caregiver has gone too far?

"What should I do?"

To answer this question you must tell us if you are your Mom's DPoA? Is anyone her DPoA or legal guardian.

If the answer is no, then you have no power to do anything except to contact APS and report her as a vulnerable adult. Since your Mom likes this person, even this tactic may not go very far if she tells them she isn't being abused or neglected in any way. If it's not your house and not your legal responsibility you will have to watch the train wreck in slow motion from the sidelines.

You keep calling this person a "caregiver"... were they actuallyt hired specifically by your Mom or you for this job? Were they sent by the county? Or, are they some opportunist or fellow drinking buddy that your Mom has allowed to move in?

We need specific details.

You mean they are "drinking buddies", not a caregiver.

Protect the assets, some unscrupulous caregivers meander in and turn vulnerable people against the family and get themselves an inheritance…

Get POA now if not already

If the person disappears. she will forget her and adapt

Extremely rude to you? Big red flag.

Having serious concerns about a caregiver is one thing. Having the authority to hire & fire caregivers is another.

Do you have POA? If not, who does?

You have a mother with alcoholic encephalopathy.
Does she live with you?
Are you her POA?
Do you intend to allow her to drink herself to death?

If the answer to the above is that "Yes, this is the case", then I don't see a problem with the caregiver. Just keep the money away from her and continue to manage your mother's assets as her POA.

If however, you are not POA, not managing assets, and not living with your mother, not intending to curtail her drinking or withdraw her from alcohol, then I don't see what choice you have in the matter. Your mother's liver will likely soon follow the direction her brain has already gone. She may not have long to live. I can't see why she shouldn't choose her own options if you aren't managing for her.

Do fill us in as to the current living conditions. As with most questions this comes down to what power you do or don't have to make any changes.

Oh please, the "caregiver" is giving her alcohol? How old is Mom? Is there a chance of recovery? Is she even being treated for her encephalopathy? Who is paying this woman? It can't be Mom in her condition.

Is her "caregiver" trained and licensed? If so, report her to the state board. Then contact APS and get Mom into a care facility.

Since Mom has a diagnosis of dementia so severe that she is non-verbal, someone needs to be her guardian. Your family needs to figure that out. Is there anyone else involved, and do they have the same impression you do?

If her companion is isolating Mom from family and has access to her money assume she is using it for her own benefit unless proven otherwise. If this is not the case she would want family involved to support her efforts to care for Mom. Once you know that money is being taken, call the police. Even if you don't get anything back for Mom's care you need to stop a predator from taking advantage of the next victim.

Is the caregiver also an addict? Dealing with not just one but two addicts is way beyond what most people want to do. How about you?

The badmouthing and disrespect isn’t right, but if she’s an addict there’s a whole lot more going on than that. I’d be tempted to walk away from the whole mess.

Your mother is "extremely dependent" on this person we'll loosely call a "caregiver" because she's feeding her addiction! Then badmouthing you and being verbally abusive too? POA or not, I'd have brought "Ray" over long ago to have a nice chat with this woman after which nobody would have seen hide nor hair of again. "Ray" is a muscled and tattooed biker dude with long hair and a very bad attitude. One short chat with him and she'd be running for the hills.

Apply for Medicaid and get mom into a SNF where she can detox safely, if you are POA. Otherwise, after Ray runs off the caregiver, wean mom slowly off booze as you train another REAL caregiver who's qualified and not an addict herself.

Ooooph: The caregiver is an enabler who is abusing you. Anyone who's feeding an elder's (who has dementia) addiction needs to be banished. This is appalling!

If the carer is looking after your mother and your mother likes them I don't think considering firing,over the fact that the carer dislikes you, is going to do anything and as you said she is "extremely dependent" on her care giver,if you get this person removed as her carer, are you going to care for her? Will you're mother even let you? she might think of it as you have took the only person who cared away from her, I know it hurts really badly but this might be one of the times,where you have to accept that this is how it is. Unless there is any solid evidence you have of any wrongdoing this carer has caused. You may be able to report the carer's verbal abuse but you need evidence for that. The best thing to do would be to get some legal advice.