Delusion or manipulation?

Thanks for all the helpful insight! I'm so glad you all are here!!!

Happy New Years everyone!

My mother was in her 90s, suffering from dementia and CHF, wheelchair bound 100%, and telling me stories about how she would go for walks around the memory care AL grounds nightly. It's not lying, or manipulation either, but confabulation.

Confabulation is a type of memory error in which gaps in a person's memory are unconsciously filled with fabricated, misinterpreted, or distorted information. When someone confabulates, they are confusing things they have imagined with real memories.

There's nothing to be "concerned" about here because your mother is displaying normal symptoms of Alzheimer's/dementia. Wanting to go home is also classic dementia talk and represents a place in time more so than a brick and mortar building, most often. As they regress in time mentally, they want to go back to a childhood home representing an easier, safer time of life.

Just nod your head and smile when mom tells you how she's walking around, tell her you're glad to hear it. Then change the subject.

I suggest you get a copy of Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon so you can learn about dementia and how to deal with your mom now. She also has a 32 pg booklet you can download free online, by the same name.

Best of luck.

Hi! I’m sure she wishes that she was doing what she claims. “Lying to me” is a bit harsh – think of it as an attempt at persuasion. At least she knows that it would be good (and persuasive) if she could manage to do those things.

‘How to react’ depends a bit on how SHE reacts. If you get realistic, does it lead to a meltdown? If so, just ignore her comments, redirect the conversation etc. If she just acts like you haven’t understood, that’s where ‘when the doctor says so’ is a logical response.

Talking about home may meet some of her needs. Ask her what she would/will do, if/when she goes home. Ask what she particularly misses. Show her pictures. She may enjoy going there in her imagination. It may be nicer than ‘no’.

Both Way and Geaton have good answers for you. I would not give false hope. Simply say that "as yet you aren't able to take care of yourself at home, yet, Mom." and move on to another subject. This will come up over and over. There is no reality based thinking going on. And you will not be able to use reality based argument in a mind that doesn't have a way to compute it anymore.
It's tough to hear, I know, but this is the way of it.

We tell my bed-bound MIL that she can leave when she can demonstrate all her ADLS to her doctor. She gets grumpy but at least doesn't blame us.

My MIL will be in her bed, look me straight in the eye and tell me she can walk and in fact has been walking around a lot! When I ask her to please show me, get out of bed right now... she "sort of" tries and when she realizes she can't, gets a confused look on her face. Then I change the subject.

Just say “ you have to stay here until the doctor releases you” .
Many with dementia ask or say they are ready to go home . You can’t reason with them .