My family lives in Arizona, I’m in Texas. Mom has been having issues, she has congestive heart failure, kidney issues, etc. and for the past couple of months it’s got to where she can’t walk. She had been in a facility for rehabilitation to help her walk, exercise, etc., but insurance only paid for a certain amount of time. She is home now, 2 nurses from hospice come in at the same time a few times a week to bath her and help around the house. Apparently this will end soon, per my brother it’s only for 3 months. Mom is confined to a bed and has to be changed when she can’t get to the bathroom. Medicare brought in a bed and a hoist to help get her out of bed and to the potty that’s close by her bed. I was just told yesterday her legs have gone into atrophy and turn black when they sit her up.
My brother and his wife (nurse) live with our parents (for years now). I’m in Texas and plan to visit them end of January. My brother has been making all the decisions regarding mom’s care, met with an attorney who helped them get paperwork to send to the state for assistance. I am having a difficult time with all of this especially since I haven’t been given the opportunity to be in any decision making. I suppose that doesn’t matter at this point or at all. I have to trust what’s being done is for the best. I don’t like to see my parents struggle and see that this is a lot for them and my brother and his wife. I’m feeling that I need to help but not sure how to do that since I’m 1,100 miles away. I’ve told them to let me know how I can help, but nothing.
I’ve been thinking of selling my home and use some of that money to help pay for her care if they can’t get help from the state, my brother said it’s called AzTech, but I couldn’t find anything on line, i think it’s actually AlLTCS long term care insurance, if mom qualifies they’ll take her social security and Medicare monies to help pay for her care at a facility and she will not be charged any more than what her SS and Medicare equals. Has anyone heard of this?
I’m single (61) work and doing my best to take care of myself, but my parents come first. Ohhhh what to do.?
Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I thank y’all in advance and hope everyone here gets a little help, information or suggestions to help navigate through what life throws our way.
5 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
A trip there, where you stay with someone else or stay in hotel/motel might help, as you can see what is needed.
Your brother and his wife have been hands-on caregivers, and even have the attorney working; clearly they are the POA. I would leave this in their hands.
Ask them, as you already have, if there is something you can do for them long distance and acknowledge all they are doing for your Mom. There is little else you can do. They have the expert advice they need.
Your brother was smart to use a lawyer but...he does not understand what is going on. I did my Moms application and was involved in the whole procedure. Its just a matter of everything happening in a timely manner. Your brother needs to give the lawyer all the information needed to give the State. Maybe what you should do is see if you can make an appt with this lawyer and have him take u thru the steps. Have brother there too so ur on the same page. Its very hard to understand this kind of thing.
ADVERTISEMENT
Do you want it to be a surprise for other reasons? Like to check on the reality of what's really going on there?
There are "recertification times" but as long as there is a decline Hospice will recertify her.
Hospice will also provide a bed and other equipment that is needed so if you are paying for what is there now you can ask Hospice to order their own and have the other equipment removed.
Please do not sell your home and place yourself in financial jeopardy. what happens when you are in the same place your mom is...who will sell their house to pay for your care?
Other thoughts.
Is mom a Veteran? Was/is her husband a Veteran? If so the VA may have programs that might help. Contact the local Veterans Assistance Commission or her State's Department of Veterans' Affairs
Here's the program:
https://www.azahcccs.gov/Members/GetCovered/Categories/nursinghome.html
It's Medicaid, which is a joint State/Federal program. It's administered differently in each state.
Mom has to qualify both medically and financially for Medicaid, and the is usually a 5 year look back period to check for any gifting of their assets.
Do not sell your home to pay for their care. How will you be able to afford to retire if you do that.
Are you sure the nurses are from Hospice and not from Home Health? Generally Hospice services are re-evaluated every 6 months to determine if the still meets eligibility requirements, one of which is a limited life expectancy. A 3 month cut-off sounds more like post-rehab home health services ordered by her doctor.
Rather than selling up and moving, can you arrange to visit? Seeing mom in person and being able to talk to your brother and SIL in person could be priceless right now.
I am planning a surprise visit end of January.
Hopefully, I can get more information from my brother, but he seems to be all over the place says one thing then contradicts it as conversation continues, leaving me with more questions and concerns (left unsaid). I was told it was in home care - hospice. I’ll ask again to see what the program is called. You are right about me keeping my home, especially since I’m alone.
Have a safe and wonderful entry into 2024.