Can the BIL with POA for my wife reimburse me for living expenses?

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R

Rktechone Asked January 2, 2024

Can the BIL with POA for my wife reimburse me for living expenses?

My wife has significant financial resources while I am on fixed income and struggling to pay bills. I have asked her BIL who holds her POA to reimburse me for half of utility bills, mortgage payments (joint deed with survivorship), medical insurance, etc. So far no response - any ideas on what to do next?

Elder Law Financial Planning Power of Attorney (POA) Spouse

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score 1 · Answer 1

RK, thanks for more information. It helps.
You ask us if it is fair for her to pay bills for the house while she herself is in care? Well, perhaps, but she can also demand that YOUR MARITAL ASSETS go to pay for her care, rather than just hers.

Clear this all up with the attorney. You may need a separation and along with that a division of finances. Because it seems your name was not even on any of her accounts! (????). Because if it is then those accounts can be tapped for her care as well as any separate accounts she has in her own name.

You badly need an attorney and his/her advice and options, because what is FAIR has ZERO to do with what the law is. Fairness doesn't matter under the law. Only how things are written, contracted, deeded and etc.

As her husband POA brother of hers can still cause you a whole lot of woe by demanding you CONTINUE TO PAY as you always did. So take care and get an attorney.
Hope you update us after seeing an attorney.

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Where are you getting that she is in a facility? What I read was "Now we are retired, I no longer have the big bucks and we live together in our home with joint survivorship."

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score 1 · Answer 2

I think you need to see a lawyer, no matter what your wife's intentions were when granting POA to her brother he doesn't get to screw you over and needs to pay her fair share of the bills.

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score 0 · Answer 3

Thank your for correcting: your wife's BROTHER is her PoA (not BIL).

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And that would make him the OP's brother-in-law.

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score 0 · Answer 4

This is very unusual. I too wonder if BIL was her POA before the marriage?

If wife is living in the same house, then I would say yes, she needs to contribute. But if she is living somewhere else, then her earnings go to her care. Money before the marriage is hers. Inheritances are hers. I suggest you consult with a lawyer.

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score 0 · Answer 5

Alvadear addressed this issue. You made it Very Clear
your wife has a brother . Her brother is her Power Of Attorney. POA.

The missing information is perhaps, and we do not know Your Wife or your whole story.

Perhaps, you met wife
and prior to your courting her and marrying her, she set her brother up as her POA. Perhaps she had physical health issues prior to meeting you, and the closest person before you, was her brother. So, therefore she made him POA..

since we do not know the whole story, we can only imagine and create our own backstory to your question. Hence, Alvadear stated you need to seek professional advice….
take Alvadear’s advice and honestly consider what she noted.

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Thanks for all of the replies. I know sometimes responders to these inquiries get frustrated at lack of info, no closure, etc. Mayday was close to the mark. This was second marriage for both my wife and me. After her first divorce, she reworked her will to name her daughter as sole beneficary, brother POA and sister over Medical Directive when she had a bout with breast cancer (which was successfully treated). About five years later, she married me and did not change any of these documents with the exception of a codicil to her will about four years into the second marriage to me to clear up some language pertaining to her first husband. So, she didnt just forget to make the changes. I never knew about the POA or Medical Directive and frankly, might not have known enough about these things to be concerned even if I did. Over the course of our entire marriage I have paid for literally everything, including her car insurance, medical, and even the taxes on her income, several trips to Europe, etc due to a really good paying job. Now we are retired, I no longer have the big bucks and we live together in our home with joint survivorship. She just recently was diagnosed with nfPPA and BIL's POA is apparently now active. It was and still is a loving marriage but now I need help paying the bills on a fixed retirement income. To be clear, just reimbursement for actual bills now, no caretaker pay or back taxes, etc. My wife has very substantial financial resources and can easily pay what I am asking for, however, i must now go through her POA. Essentially I spent my money and she banked hers. I didnt say i was smart. Not having the POA has already caused hard feelings between me and her brother, as I am the primary caregiver and he holds the legal cards. Let me just ask this simple question: is it fair and reasonable to ask for her assets to pay half of the household expenses? And yes, legal counsel will be the next step if no response from the POA.

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score 4 · Answer 6

I suspect that there are special circumstances here?

Because ordinarily it would be YOU as POA for wife, not her brother.
If your wife is currently LIVING with you in the FAMILY HOME owned by you both, and living with you as HUSBAND AND WIFE, your assets would be shared by you as well your bills.

So I am saying here that there's something missing in this story, and the circumstances here are unusual.
Your wife's brother, as her POA is responsible, of course, for paying her bills for her. As a wife living with her husband in the family home, she would have expenses. But as a separated wife, living on her own in say MC or ALF, the case may be otherwise.

Now, if your wife is no longer living with you, and is in care, your BIL would be paying her living expense to the care facility.
If this is a joint deed, you can likely force a sale through the courts, but if your wife is mentally incompetent to the extent BIL is caring for her as POA this would likely be a long and expensive court battle.

If you have a mortgage payment which is coming due AND your wife is in care and needing her assets to pay for her care, this is EXCEPTIONALLY complicated, and you need the advice of an attorney ASAP. Don't count on a Forum, just a bunch of folks with no legal expertise and without all the facts in your own particular extremely complicated case.
Good luck to you.

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score 1 · Answer 7

sorry, need to correct - her brother has the POA.

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Can the BIL with POA for my wife reimburse me for living expenses?

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