What does it mean when my mom occasionally asks how I got this stuff here?
She has dementia and she will ask how did you get all this stuff here. She has lived here 20 years. I'm just trying to understand what stage she is in?
UTIs are very common in elderly women due to changes in their bodies. It's possible the antibiotics didn't clear it up completely. Maybe consider re-checking her.
I agree that her memory issues means she shouldn't be living by herself, no matter how much you check up on her. Also, has she had a thorough physical, so that all other causes for her confusion and memory problems have been discounted? Like thyroid, dehydration, under- or over-medicating herself (if she takes any meds or any are in her home), diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke, tumor, etc.
Rather than worry about the stage, worry about her behaviors and inability to live safely. I think she's in the stage where she should be in AL or MC. You've done yeoman's work taking care of her but really it is now or soon will be more than you can control. Either she needs in-home aids or a facility. A good, reputable local facility will give her everything she needs, including social exposure. And you will have your life back.
Dear Labrat, this is to give you a different slant, which of course you can ignore if you wish. It’s good that you now tell us that you have retired, so have more time for your mother. Your profile is recent, but says that you “work full time, no help from sibling or wife”. This could sound as though you are looking for sympathy, even congratulations, about the workload you are taking on.
Quite a few wives write to the site saying that their retirement years (when you both have time and are still fairly fit) are being sacrificed to MIL and her demands on her son. No other help is ‘good enough’ for either MIL or son. These demands grow as MIL’s health worsens, and so does the stress. (The same can be true for husbands and their own MILs, although they less usually write.) The years pass, and the time for the marriage drops down into resentment on both sides.
It might be worth thinking about the “no help”. Why?
Im not looking for congratulations or praise. It was a statement of stress and wear. Should have left that out. At that time I was in my 3rd year of 9 hour days at work and 2 to 3 hours after. I saved Saturday and Sunday for cleaning when needed. No help because my sister sees no need to sit with my mom let alone call and check. When I have asked for a break to take a vacation she is busy and or just can't take the emotions that go into there relationship. She doesn't really see why I need a break. So venting but, not looking for anything for myself. Thought this place was a site on allowing caretakers to learn and vent.
Your mother is no longer independent you are her crutch. Soon she will be totally on the other side of manageable, why not start looking for a facility for her?
Believe it or not, it could happen next week or even tonight.
Don't wait until it becomes an emergency situation.
What it means labrat1, is that your mom should no longer be living by herself. Just you checking on her everyday is no longer enough. Time to be looking into a nice memory care facility for her to live and be safe and cared for 24/7.
She's advancing rapidly and her dementia is so severe that she doesn't day to day recognize her surroundings. She may soon not recognize you as well, and may ask of you "Where's my daughter; when will she be home" or may mistake you for her sister or her mother.
Your doctor is the best one to discuss the staging of your mother's dementia, but these formalities are not so important as is simply the knowledge how to care for her and how to keep her safe and how long you can manage one on one caregiving yourself.
By moving van, would be my answer. By the time my mother was asking how her Memory Care caregivers managed to get all her belongings over "to the new hotel every night", she was in the advanced stages of dementia.
Labrat1, your profile says that your mother is “84, living at home with age-related decline, AZ/dementia, osteoporosis”, and that you “work full time, no help from sibling or wife”. Surely M’s question about “how did you get all this stuff here” isn’t the worst of your problems? Who and how diagnosed M’s dementia? How is her food, cleaning, washing done? Who pays the bills and keeps the finances straight? If you do all of this after-hours from your job, who does the same for you to free you up – or doesn’t that count as help?
Perhaps you could put these ‘odd’ statements into a bigger context for us to comment on. Whoever diagnosed M in the first place could probably help you with 'what stage'.
I was working and doing it all. Checking on her everyday. Premaking simple meals or buying to go after work. . She doesn't have much laundry. But, has managed to do a load or two on her own. Dealing with infection that has her hallucinating right now so hopefully the antibiotics will help soon. I'm retired so I can check on her even more. The neurologist hopes the bladder infection that the antibiotics are for will help with hallucinating. (Seeing people in her house).
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I agree that her memory issues means she shouldn't be living by herself, no matter how much you check up on her. Also, has she had a thorough physical, so that all other causes for her confusion and memory problems have been discounted? Like thyroid, dehydration, under- or over-medicating herself (if she takes any meds or any are in her home), diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke, tumor, etc.
Rather than worry about the stage, worry about her behaviors and inability to live safely. I think she's in the stage where she should be in AL or MC. You've done yeoman's work taking care of her but really it is now or soon will be more than you can control. Either she needs in-home aids or a facility. A good, reputable local facility will give her everything she needs, including social exposure. And you will have your life back.
Quite a few wives write to the site saying that their retirement years (when you both have time and are still fairly fit) are being sacrificed to MIL and her demands on her son. No other help is ‘good enough’ for either MIL or son. These demands grow as MIL’s health worsens, and so does the stress. (The same can be true for husbands and their own MILs, although they less usually write.) The years pass, and the time for the marriage drops down into resentment on both sides.
It might be worth thinking about the “no help”. Why?
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Believe it or not, it could happen next week or even tonight.
Don't wait until it becomes an emergency situation.
Your doctor is the best one to discuss the staging of your mother's dementia, but these formalities are not so important as is simply the knowledge how to care for her and how to keep her safe and how long you can manage one on one caregiving yourself.
Perhaps you could put these ‘odd’ statements into a bigger context for us to comment on. Whoever diagnosed M in the first place could probably help you with 'what stage'.