What to do if mother won’t take care of her health?

Your mom made her choices long ago. She is still making them. Unfortunately, they’re not good choices. She doesn’t want to change, so let her be.

Still, since you mention her blood pressure, you could get a home blood pressure machine and monitor it yourself. The measurements would be helpful to her doctor, and you could provide them prior to her televisits. That might at least help him to prescribe meds to keep her comfortable. The machine would measure heartbeats per minute, also good info. You could get a blood oxygen monitor and clip it on her finger to measure that. It’s all easy. The machines aren’t expensive and you can order them from Amazon.

Again, my thought is to keep her comfortable, and also you might gain peace of mind. Plus they’d provide you with info so you’d know if she’s in distress and when to call 911 to have her transported to the ER.

Speaking as an 87 Y/O, age 67 seems SO young to, apparently, throw in the towel on one's health. It sounds like mom has had ongoing physical problems--and now she has a multiplicity of major medical issues, all of which probably sap her energy/strength and drain her of motivation.

I agree with AlvaDeer, Lealonnie and others. I don't think there's a whole lot that can be done if she adamantly refuses to be a participant in her care. There will come a time when I (and many old folks) may reach that point--but I'm not there yet. What an absolutely miserable position for all concerned!

You’ve received wise advice saying you cannot help your mother’s health as she has chosen not to receive care and take responsibility for her health. It’s sad for sure, but the bigger sadness would be you also losing your own well being. You replied that you have your own health issues, I hope you’ll concentrate on doing all you can to care for yourself and hopefully see improvements in your condition. Mom has sadly chosen her path, don’t let it brings yours down as well. I wish you peace

I'm sorry you are in such a frustrating situation.

My mom has different issues but did nothing to better her situation. It is/was maddening!!! She quite overweight, has RA, needed 2 knee replacements, incontinence etc etc. The big issue now is dementia which is kind of trumping all the other issues. Anyhow, I am letting it go now because she is over 80 and declining so it just doesn't matter anymore. But when there was a chance that she could do things to improve her failing health and therefore her life, I was so frustrated with her passive acceptance of being in pain and not doing anything about it. Never doing anything to get to the root of the problem and fix it. She needed knee replacements for years and could barely get around etc. When she moved in with me we were at ortho pretty quickly and got the bad one done and then the not quite as bad one. She was absolutely horrible about doing her PT which made me crazy.

Do you think your mom has depression? That can keep people from doing anything positive for themselves. Or could she have some cognitive decline? Ignoring her pretty serious issues like extremely high BP and diabetes are not going to bode well for a long life. Does she understand this? I'm sorry she had a bad experience with her kidney, but she is the only one that is going to suffer the consequences of not taking care of herself.

I would get in touch with the doc that prescribes her meds and tell them how bad she is and that you really want her to come in in person to get checked out. Maybe they can tell a little fib and call to schedule an appt so they can say they need her to come in. She should have blood work done too.

Does she have her paperwork in order? Will? Living will? POA for financial and medical?

I'm surprised she hasn't been in the hospital!! It's certainly coming. Though my mom is overweight, eats horribly, moves as little as possible and has made it into her 80s. You just never know!

Best of luck.

How does she gets meds for B/P if she does not see a doctor. Does she see a doctor about her diabetes? She is a candidate for a stroke and what comes with not caring for her diabetes which is a heart attack, loss of a leg to poor circulation and kidney shut down. Mt GF took care of hers and still passed at 63. Another friend died of kidney failure, both lost legs. Losing weight will help Mom with all her problems. If you have told her all of this, then you have done what you can. She is going to die sooner rather than later. She has to realize this.

You can't do anything about this.
You cannot change others.
Clearly this is long standing not taking good care of herself.
I just asked N. "Why is it we do not see many obese OLDER people in the streets?. Because we see many old, but they seem normal to slim.
Frankly, I don't think they live that long (or they are alive but can't get out much), and the diabetes that comes with weight gain harms every major system from heart to lungs to kidneys. They just an't long survive it.
Leave your mother in peace. She isn't going to have a long long life, and you can't make her.
Just be kind, encourage her, care for her. In my humble opinion.

I am sorry that you are going through this.

You can’t force your mother to take better care of herself. She must be seeing her doctor if she has prescriptions, right?

Hopefully, she has a doctor who will encourage her to take better care of herself.

Is she depressed or experiencing anxiety? Can you share a bit more information about her?

In reality, you have no power in this situation except to do what Lealonnie suggested, which is to simply offer help, and then wait to see if she ever asks.

If you aren't her DPoA and she has full cognitive capacity, then she calls the shots, even if they're bad shots.

You can say, "Let me know what I can do to help you mom" and leave it at that. I'll be 67 in July and if my children did any more than that to force their help on me, I'd show them the front door. The truth is, you cannot care more about your mothers health than SHE does. She has to want to change before any change will happen, and she's apparently not ready to do so at the moment.

You're in a tough position, I know. Its hard to love someone and watch them self destruct. Best of luck.