How do I remove my aging father who won’t get evaluated, won’t sign over power of attorney, thinks everyone is stealing and calls cops on us?

I said in an earlier post that I would install cameras to show his behavior to others. This way when others say that he isn’t exhibiting behavior that is dangerous, you can say, ‘Let me show you his behavior when you aren’t here.’ A picture is worth a thousand words.

How about calling 911 and reporting that he is showing symptoms of UTI, stroke and dangerous behavior.

Show up at the hospital separately and tell them that he cannot be returned to your home as he is a danger to himself and others.

Wow...I came here to post something vaguely similar. I wish I had an answer but from what I am experiencing (living hell), the sick person is protected and elevated over the sane/well person.

I am trying to get my wife into a skilled nursing/memory care facility because she has terminal breast cancer AND schizophrenia. The SZ is the biggest issue. She berates me, then smothers me, calls her family and says she is in danger, called her sisters and they then called APS on me (her one and only caregiver). I was of course found not guilty. Hospice nurses come in 3 days a week and they were "helping" me get her into a facility when all of a sudden they decided my wife was of "sound mind" and won't make her go against her will.

What is wrong with this country? Millions of people are "trapped" in these situations and there is NOTHING we can do but sit and take it or put them out on the street....which of course I won't do

I think guardianship (by family) is the solution, although it is not a fast or inexpensive one. I think it will be very difficult for the county to acquire guardianship for him while he's in your home, unless you evict him and then report him to APS, or he has a medical/health incident that requires a visit to the ER.

I like BarbBrooklyn's idea of calling 911 when he gets paranoid and then explaining that he might have a UTI or a stroke. Before doing this I would discretely video his behaviors since he seems to be good at "show timing".

Regarding his driving... if you think he is an unsafe driver, then the minute he pulls out of the driveway call 911 to report him. You can anonymously report him to his state's DMV (online). When I did this in both FL and MN I was able to give them a lot of detail, like DOB, driver's license # and specific incidences. Being angry or paranoid isn't enough of a reason to revoke a license. If you report him successfully the DMV will most likely mail out a letter informing him to come in for a test (and which test depends on what state he lives in). I would make sure the letter didn't get to him and if it does, don't remind him or take him to this appointment. Let his license expire, then when he gets in his car to drive, you call it in to the police and see what happens from there. This won't get him out of your house but may protect other citizens (and himself) if he's dangerous on the road, and may provide evidence of his cognitive deterioration.

I'm so sorry you're going through this crisis. I wish you success in getting him out and into appropriate care.

As is possible ... I would manage his phone access.
Change the number or take the phone away.

Yes, I would recommend you do what you have to do for YOU/R needs.
This behavior / situation will only get worse / more complicated as time goes on.

Do not wait.

No, you 'Can't do this." STOP.

The issue with medical exam - if it might work and likely it won't:
Tell him it is a YEARLY / ANNUAL EVALUATION that everyone is required to do.
Or tell him you are taking him for a ride to somewhere he'd want to go (yes, lie). This is for his own good, and you being able to maintain what is left of your sanity, energy, life. Do not continue on like this.

Lastly, if he won't sign legal documents what will help you to help him, then let it all go. Psychologically, you need to release yourself from this - one way or another. If he is deemed incompetent, then you can make decisions, of course. If not. The chips fall where they may. Certainly this isn't the scenario we ever expect or want with an elder parent. However, when the brain changes, we do what we have to do - for us (YOU) and the family member.

Gena / Touch Matters

Since it's more than obvious from what you've written(plus what you said about your father in your profile)that your father has some form of dementia, so my question would be....why wasn't he placed in memory care the same time that your mother was? That would have been the simplest way to get him out of your house. But of course hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it?
You can of course go the eviction route, but hopefully before then he will need a visit to the ER. And while there you make it VERY clear to the hospital social worker that he CANNOT return to your home, as you nor anyone else is equipped to care for him.
They will then have to find placement for him in the appropriate facility. And since he has no one as his POA, you can allow the state to take over the care of him, which may be best now.
I'm sorry that both your parents are suffering with the horrible disease of dementia. It sucks, this I know. But hopefully you can try and remind yourself that it is the disease speaking not your father.

Wow, this situation is happening to a lot of people, I am glad we can share and know that, we are not alone. My mother is 86 years old, with Alzheimer's demencia, when she speaks on the phone with other family members who has no clue of what is Alzheimer's, will believe everything that she says, they advised her to call the police on me, they always ask if we need the ambulance. By the 3rd time I accepted to take her to the hospital, it was the best now I have a social worker and confirmed that she is getting into the next stage. My suggestion to you is let them call the ambulance and once in the hospital they can do all the test, and once you have the diagnosis your husband can take over.

This is a terrible situation, and I think you will need legal help. Bucks County Elder Law PLLC is a firm that advertises itself as an Elder Law Firm. It is in Yardley, which may be close to Egg Harbor, NJ. Several positive comments in the Reviews for this firm. When you call, make sure you share that you are in need of help to evict your father, which will not leave the premises but who is in need of medical and psychiatric eval. That way, the attorney you get has a heads up that there's a really ugly situation that will have to be handled legally. Relieved to read that his car will NOT start, Praise the Lord! Try to be low key and conserve your strength and emotions. I think there's a long road ahead to have your father in a place where his Dementia can be handled. I don't know if an Elder Law attorney will recommend eviction or..Recommend that you get Guardianship over your father. I wish you "peace" which you will be working toward.

My mother is doing all of this tho she wasn’t living with me, when she called the cops on me was the last straw.

I stepped away and she continued to call day and night, so I changed my number. Still, after a year and a half she hires homeless people and caregivers to bang on my door till I answer to tell me to call her. Also has family from around the country to call me on her behalf for sympathy. She is 82 with Parkinson’s and she lives with my 50 year old quadriplegic sister. They live in squalor and have spending problems and think everyone is stealing. She sees demons in the backyard and calls the cops, this happened to my Grandmother and ended up shooting herself trying to shoot the demon (she said the demon turned the gun on her). My mother has 9 guns hidden all over the house. I tell the authorities and her doctor this and they do nothing. They tell me it’s not illegal to make poor choices.
Last time I was there my mother had a 38 on her Walker with severe Parkinson’s next to my quadriplegic sister and the cop saw it. I wish I took a pic of it, I didn’t realize she meant it in a threatening way like a mafia boss

I would start proceedings to have him out of your house, it’s the only way you may dislodge him from his power position. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if my mother would’ve made it into my house.

The only way I got my daddy to the doctor was telling him that to renew his prescriptions was to go to the doctor. When I made the appointment with the doctor I told him what was going on and when we had shown up I had a quick chat of what I suspected. Maybe you can get your dad to the doctor that way have him evaluated and try to get guardianship - which takes two doctors to evaluate him. Talk to an elder attorney as it has already been suggested by others on this thread. Dementia is hard and sometimes you will need to take unconventional ways to get what you and they need. Hugs