By the way, you are not the only poster with this problem. She was successful in divorcing him but last post she was having a problem getting him in the facility. Forget why.
Time for an Elder Lawyer who can split ur assets. Your husbands split going for his care in a Memory care that eventually may except Medicaid or Long-term care that excepts Medicaid. His split gets spent down and about 3 months before its gone you apply for Medicaid. Once on Medicaid, u remain in the home, have a car and get enough or all your monthly income to live on. There is also a form you can fill out that will protect ur 401k or pension. This form says you will not support him in the NH. I am just giving you the basics here. An Elder Lawyer will be able to give u more info depending on ur situation. You don't have to care for him.
What a miserable life, providing care while depressed and resentful to someone you don’t love. It’s impossibly hard when you do love them. No judgement, just bad for you both. If you haven’t already, take the steps needed to separate your finances, and then end the marriage. He needs to be cared for by others and you need to care for you. I wish you peace
Get support for yourself and help with your husband. If he can't care for himself and really you can't stand another moment, find out a hospital or police station you can drop him off and explain you can no longer meet his needs. Find out if there are help lines or what resources in your area can help you immediately.
I’m so sorry that you are in such pain. Depression is awful. 😞
It sounds like you are at your wits end. It’s time to take care of yourself. You have given all that you have towards a husband that you no longer love.
Look into alternative care services for your husband, then start to focus on yourself.
Wishing you peace as you move forward in this difficult transitioning phase of your life.
How very sad to live in a loveless marriage. No wonder you're depressed. I would be too. I can't help but wonder why you didn't divorce him long ago, but that is now water under the dam, and now you're stuck caring for someone you don't love. Time to see a Elder Law Attorney to figure out your finances, so you can get your husband placed in the appropriate facility, and then perhaps a divorce lawyer so you both can move on from your loveless marriage, as you both deserve better.
I can understand this. It is clearly time for your hubby to be placed in care. As Barb says, would love an update on how you are moving forward on plans for that.
Hello. I am so sorry! It's so hard. I agree with Snoopy and hope you lean on the group for support. In the meantime you know that we are out here hoping you can get a break or whatever else is needed to reduce your stress and burden.
Retired RN. Mother of 2 sons and grandmother of 4. History of depression and currently have severe depression even with medication. I enjoy reading and talking with friends. I do not love my husband and haven’t even before his diagnosis. I am cross and impatient with him followed by feeling guilty. Vicious circle
OP, I am so sorry. What is your caregiving situation like? Do you get any breaks, any chance to just take care of yourself? Could any sort of respite be possibly arranged? Is your doctor aware of the severity of your depression at this point in time? Perhaps you need to call his/her office Monday morning— or even seek emergency medical attention for yourself if needed. There is a national hotline, 988, for folks experiencing suicidal or hopeless thoughts right now. Please don’t hesitate to use it if necessary.
I hope you can provide more info so possibly other members might have good, actionable suggestions for your situation.
Please hang in there— you are important and you matter. 😊
10 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
ADVERTISEMENT
It sounds like you are at your wits end. It’s time to take care of yourself. You have given all that you have towards a husband that you no longer love.
Look into alternative care services for your husband, then start to focus on yourself.
Wishing you peace as you move forward in this difficult transitioning phase of your life.
I can't help but wonder why you didn't divorce him long ago, but that is now water under the dam, and now you're stuck caring for someone you don't love.
Time to see a Elder Law Attorney to figure out your finances, so you can get your husband placed in the appropriate facility, and then perhaps a divorce lawyer so you both can move on from your loveless marriage, as you both deserve better.
It is clearly time for your hubby to be placed in care.
As Barb says, would love an update on how you are moving forward on plans for that.
It must have taken much courage to write this post.
Clearly, it's time to figure out Plan B, i.e. finding another care plan for your husband.
What help do you need in making that plan?
Retired RN. Mother of 2 sons and grandmother of 4. History of depression and currently have severe depression even with medication. I enjoy reading and talking with friends. I do not love my husband and haven’t even before his diagnosis. I am cross and impatient with him followed by feeling guilty. Vicious circle
OP, I am so sorry. What is your caregiving situation like? Do you get any breaks, any chance to just take care of yourself? Could any sort of respite be possibly arranged? Is your doctor aware of the severity of your depression at this point in time? Perhaps you need to call his/her office Monday morning— or even seek emergency medical attention for yourself if needed. There is a national hotline, 988, for folks experiencing suicidal or hopeless thoughts right now. Please don’t hesitate to use it if necessary.
I hope you can provide more info so possibly other members might have good, actionable suggestions for your situation.
Please hang in there— you are important and you matter. 😊