How can you convince LO they are not moving? What to do if they are leaving their suite when it is not safe to do so?

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Suzrom Asked January 13, 2024

How can you convince LO they are not moving? What to do if they are leaving their suite when it is not safe to do so?

My Mom has Lewy Body Dementia caused from her Parkinson’s disease. My 40 year old son, was visiting my Mom at her Assisted Living Suite. She was having a reoccurring delusion that she has to move from a different place to her existing place & has to go get her stuff. My son tried to tell her that she’s not moving, and she’s staying in the suite they are in right now. My Mom refused to believe him & insisted on going to her door & opening it. In the hallway, was EMS with a stretcher who asked my son to please stay inside until they were gone. So my son told my Mom they had to stay inside for now. My Mom determined to leave the suite stood in front of the door & did not allow my Mom to go out. He again explained, about the EMS. My Mom got very upset & my son could not deal with her so he called me but couldn’t get through, then called my brother. My brother talked to her and explained that my son was right, she was not moving & she should stay inside her suite until EMS were gone.

She called me after my son left, feeling that no one believes her. I listened & tried to validate her feelings. I told her I would call my son and find out what happened.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Assisted Living Delusions Dementia Behaviors

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score 0 · Answer 1

When you enter an AL in my State, after atleast 2 yrs of paying privately, you can apply for Meducaid to stay there. But that is only if you stay in that AL. You can't transfer to another AL without having to start that 2 yrs over again. So I would think if there is a MC attached to the AL, that 2 yrs includes that MC. With Medicaid too, these ALs/MCs only have so many Medicaid rooms available so it could take two years to get a MC room.

In reading this my thought was to call an aide or the RN and ask them to come to Moms room. My Mom believed the aides over me. Mom swore there was a baby in the AL. I said no, no baby here only adults. She looked at the aid standing next to me and "I'll believe you before I believe her (me)." Aide told her no babies, Mom said OK and walked away.

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score 0 · Answer 2

Your mother is no longer safe to be in ALF I am thinking. Sadly. Because the cost of memory care is so much more, and unaffordable to many. The ALF my brother was in (with early probable Lewy's, by the way) ran into this problem all the time. For the love of the resident and for the sake of the family and what little money is left they often tried too long. This didn't work. Not enough staff. Not safe enough. And a terrible burden to other residents who are staring their own future square between the eyes.

I would know what is coming. Discussing with admins is coming soon enough.
Meanwhile don't attempt to convince mom of anything. Give her a simple little duffle suitcase and let her pack and unpack as she pleases.

I am so sorry. My brother died of sepsis before the Lewy's could take him too far into it's own kingdom. He was thankful to be going on hospice. I was thankful and relieved for him. I will miss him so long as I live.

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score 0 · Answer 3

I mean, is there stuff she is missing that she wants? Just say "I'm bringing your stuff" and show up with some stuff for her (sweater, blanket, photograph, something)

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score 1 · Answer 4

A 2 year wait to get into MemoryCare Assisted Living seems ridiculous to me and you may need to find a different facility to accept mom now. Also meds to reduce her anxiety and loop thinking, which I suggested to you in your last post. Nobody is going to convince mom of anything....so you enter HER world and calm her down as Funkygrandma suggested.

I suggest you buy a copy of Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon so you can learn about dementia and how to deal with the whole situation with your mother a bit better.

Best of luck to you.

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score 0 · Answer 5

Suz,

What a challenging situation that you have. I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this.

My mother also had Parkinson’s disease with dementia. At one point in time she was trying to escape out of the door. Her neurologist placed her on Seroquel and Ativan and she stopped trying to escape. Have you spoken with her doctor about meds?

Wishing you peace as you move forward on this difficult journey.

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score 1 · Answer 6

You "convince" her by entering her world and not staying in yours. When she says that she has to move out of her suite, you tell her that her other place isn't ready yet for her to move into, but you'll let her know when it is. And you keep saying that until she moves onto something else.
It's best for all involved to just go along with whatever your mom is saying as you must remember that "logic doesn't live here anymore"(one of my favorite sayings from my caregivers support group)with your mom, so you can't logically reason with her anymore.
When you go visit her you must leave your world behind and enter the world that she's living in now. That will make it much easier on all of you.
Best wishes.

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How can you convince LO they are not moving? What to do if they are leaving their suite when it is not safe to do so?

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