AlvaDeer's advice is great, it is ALWAYS best for siblings and spouses to get along. When my husband was his parents legal guardian, he made it clear that both of his brothers and their spouses, and his parents' siblings had open access to any information, and could speak with any nurse, doctor, DON, whoever.
When a parent is ill, we have to not only keep ourselves and our siblings from getting all wound up, but we have to not let our parents play us against each other.
They will share information with the POA/caregivers in most instances. Is that your role?
I would caution you that in the case of an ill parent it is ALWAYS best for the siblings and spouses to get along. Anything else is disruptive.
You have not shared details, and that's your rights. If you contact Hospice personnel they will explain exactly who they have contact with, who they have "rights" to contact, who they can share with, and who they cannot.
I wish you best of luck and am sorry to hear about your loved one's illness.
Is what's bothering you the fact that your SIL is getting these texts and you are not? Or do you not want her to be privy to any information regarding your Father's health?
Do you and your brother's wife share the same last name? Could it just be an honest mistake on the part of the nurse, that she has your and SIL's names mixed up in her contacts on her phone? Or perhaps she created a group text and mistakenly checked off SIL's number rather than yours, because they are "next to" each other in her list of contacts? ( I admit to having done that in the past).
I would start with talking to the nurse and making her aware that your SIL is getting these texts and you are not. If she continues to exclude you, then I would take the issue to her supervisor.
Insofar as violations of HIPPA laws, while it is technically a violation, I don't think a complaint about it would get very far, because I would imagine your brother tells his wife everything anyway and would likely say as much. And it may cause a rift with your brother that might affect your relationship after dad is gone - that's assuming such a rift would cause you sorrow.
Again, this might just be an honest mistake on the part of the nurse and might be easily corrected if you talk to her about it.
I agree, your SIL is not the POA and cannot stand in for him. But I may let that go if I was getting the info too. You need to talk to the Nurse and tell her that you also share POA with brother and need her to share info with u too.
Hospice is a service that your Medicare pays for. Their responsibility is to make the clients end of life comfortable and pain free. Its also there to help the family get thru this time. Not make it hard for you. IMO, they are employees. As such they are there to do a job, not take over. I worked as a Secretary for a VNA. Our boss told her nurses "you are entering someones home. You are there to follow doctors orders and visit for a while. You are not there to give them unsolicited advice." Which one of the Nurses was doing. She always felt her way was best.
You can fire a Hospice and hire another. The Nurse has a boss, complaint to that person. If your complaints are falling on deaf years, tell them you will be looking for a new Hospice. You can complain to Medicare about the Hospice. ITS YOUR HOME YOUR LO.
Has your father given permission for Hospice to share info with SIL? If not this is a violation of HIPAA and a VERY serious offence. The HIPAA information should be in writing. If you are Health POA any information should be shared with you. (I guess your father could request information be withheld if he is competent though) By the way if the texts are not secure, and most phones are not, this is also a violation as the info can be compromised
Have you confronted the hospice nurse about this and why they're not contacting you? And since you say you have shared POA for your father, are you taking it upon yourself to stay in constant communication with the hospice agency, or are you just assuming that they will contact you when necessary? Hospice is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for you, so if you have any questions regarding your father and his care, you can call them 24/7.
I can tell you from personal experience that you have to stay on top of things when it comes to hospice care, My late husband was under their care in our home for the last 22 months of his life, and I had to on numerous occasions raise holy hell to make sure that things were being done the way I knew they were supposed to be done according to Medicare guidelines. And I never hesitated calling them with any questions/concerns that I had.
So start taking charge of the situation and do whatever you have to to stay in constant contact with your fathers hospice agency. You have that right.
To answer the question you've posted on your profile page, if your SIL is not listed as a person your father has agreed to share information with then yes, technically, it is a HIPAA violation.
I say technically because it is a common error for people to think they can delegate their POA rights and responsibilities to their spouses, that their spouses are simply to be looked on as their deputies and that's all aok. But it isn't. Speak to your brother and and speak to your hospice provider. And, of course, if he's well enough, speak to your father. If your father is happy for information to flow through his DIL then that is ok; but still the information needs to go to you as well as to your bro and his wife.
What kind of exchange are we talking about? Is your SIL doing practical stuff like picking up prescriptions, arranging appointments, calling in for test results? Because if so, before you put a stop to it make sure someone else can do the job.
The same thing is happening to me. Hospice workers=Government worker. Quality of care and help is average at best. My wife has schizophrenia and has been estranged from her sisters for 20 years. She is now dying of breast cancer and the sisters suddenly appeared and want to be part of her life and control everything.
My wife told the intake social worker NO information is to be given to them yet the nurse is now texting and calling one of her sisters and leaving me out of the loop. I am sorry you are experiencing this. From reading here and my real life, I now realize this country is getting what it wanted- socialized medicine. Enough said
As the husband you need to tell this nurse that your wife asked that her sisters not be told anything. She is to now stop telling her sisters anything. You are the husband and you are in charge. If she continues, call her supervisor and complain. There are HIPPA laws even in Hospice. Unless her sisters have been placed on the form, the nurse cannot talk to them. It may be too late, but you can hire a new Hospice agency.
9 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
When a parent is ill, we have to not only keep ourselves and our siblings from getting all wound up, but we have to not let our parents play us against each other.
Speak to hospice and your brother. Has your brother or SIL passed along the information to you?
I am sorry that they aren’t texting you directly.
ADVERTISEMENT
Is that your role?
I would caution you that in the case of an ill parent it is ALWAYS best for the siblings and spouses to get along. Anything else is disruptive.
You have not shared details, and that's your rights. If you contact Hospice personnel they will explain exactly who they have contact with, who they have "rights" to contact, who they can share with, and who they cannot.
I wish you best of luck and am sorry to hear about your loved one's illness.
Do you and your brother's wife share the same last name? Could it just be an honest mistake on the part of the nurse, that she has your and SIL's names mixed up in her contacts on her phone? Or perhaps she created a group text and mistakenly checked off SIL's number rather than yours, because they are "next to" each other in her list of contacts? ( I admit to having done that in the past).
I would start with talking to the nurse and making her aware that your SIL is getting these texts and you are not. If she continues to exclude you, then I would take the issue to her supervisor.
Insofar as violations of HIPPA laws, while it is technically a violation, I don't think a complaint about it would get very far, because I would imagine your brother tells his wife everything anyway and would likely say as much. And it may cause a rift with your brother that might affect your relationship after dad is gone - that's assuming such a rift would cause you sorrow.
Again, this might just be an honest mistake on the part of the nurse and might be easily corrected if you talk to her about it.
Hospice is a service that your Medicare pays for. Their responsibility is to make the clients end of life comfortable and pain free. Its also there to help the family get thru this time. Not make it hard for you. IMO, they are employees. As such they are there to do a job, not take over. I worked as a Secretary for a VNA. Our boss told her nurses "you are entering someones home. You are there to follow doctors orders and visit for a while. You are not there to give them unsolicited advice." Which one of the Nurses was doing. She always felt her way was best.
You can fire a Hospice and hire another. The Nurse has a boss, complaint to that person. If your complaints are falling on deaf years, tell them you will be looking for a new Hospice. You can complain to Medicare about the Hospice. ITS YOUR HOME YOUR LO.
If not this is a violation of HIPAA and a VERY serious offence.
The HIPAA information should be in writing.
If you are Health POA any information should be shared with you. (I guess your father could request information be withheld if he is competent though)
By the way if the texts are not secure, and most phones are not, this is also a violation as the info can be compromised
And since you say you have shared POA for your father, are you taking it upon yourself to stay in constant communication with the hospice agency, or are you just assuming that they will contact you when necessary?
Hospice is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for you, so if you have any questions regarding your father and his care, you can call them 24/7.
I can tell you from personal experience that you have to stay on top of things when it comes to hospice care,
My late husband was under their care in our home for the last 22 months of his life, and I had to on numerous occasions raise holy hell to make sure that things were being done the way I knew they were supposed to be done according to Medicare guidelines. And I never hesitated calling them with any questions/concerns that I had.
So start taking charge of the situation and do whatever you have to to stay in constant contact with your fathers hospice agency. You have that right.
I say technically because it is a common error for people to think they can delegate their POA rights and responsibilities to their spouses, that their spouses are simply to be looked on as their deputies and that's all aok. But it isn't. Speak to your brother and and speak to your hospice provider. And, of course, if he's well enough, speak to your father. If your father is happy for information to flow through his DIL then that is ok; but still the information needs to go to you as well as to your bro and his wife.
What kind of exchange are we talking about? Is your SIL doing practical stuff like picking up prescriptions, arranging appointments, calling in for test results? Because if so, before you put a stop to it make sure someone else can do the job.
My wife told the intake social worker NO information is to be given to them yet the nurse is now texting and calling one of her sisters and leaving me out of the loop. I am sorry you are experiencing this. From reading here and my real life, I now realize this country is getting what it wanted- socialized medicine. Enough said