I do have POA again. Neighbor lady jumped in 7 months ago and upended everything. He “fell in love” with her and wanted to marry her. She used him financially, and now has decided she doesn’t want anything to do with him,
so I have POA again and trying to get everything back to where it was regarding bank, paying bills, medication, etc. At one point police and Adult Protective Services were able to remove 3 adults & 2 children from his home. He was supporting them, and saw no problem with that. All the adults have had drug problems. My brother has a long history of enabling the adult woman. She’s mom to the 2 children, ages 10 & 12. One of the two men is the father to the children and the other adult male is her current boyfriend. I’ve had a stern talk with her about using my brother, who she calls dad. My brother and his now deceased wife were her foster parents years ago when she was about 5. She wasn’t with them that long when she was returned to her dad, and eventually went back to her drug addicted mom. There’s a long history of “helping” her. My brother is 81, and she is 57. She has used his debit card without his permission. It’s a mess! The challenge will be keeping her away. I’ve thought about a restraining order, but was told it won’t work because he’s fine with her coming around. My brother has no biological children. We have another brother who lives in the same town and helps with checking on him.
Im setting up a home caregiving service that I hope will work out. My brother and I will meet with a representative of that service tomorrow. He was recently in the hospital and is convalescing at my house. He really just wants to go home and is willing to have this home caregiver service.
6 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
He may be deemed ok to make some decisions for himself eg to choose medicial treatments or not.
Deciding to live alone when he is dependant is quite another matter.
I agree with all previous posters.
Caregivers will not be able to keep him safe from financial & other abuse. They hold no authority to exict people from the property. In fact they have zero obligation to stay in a job that is unsafe for them eg threatening drug effected people are hanging around.
I would be looking for a safe home for my brother. In a facility, with more supervision than he has & also attempt to legally restrict any known abusers from gaining access to him.
You brother appears to like having people around. He will have company in a care home.
Today ( before I saw all the responses) I had set up home care but it is only 3 days a week for 6 hours each day. My other brother lives in the same town and can check on him too. But he will be staying at night by himself.
His family Dr and Neurologist aren’t giving me any help. His neurologist said recent brain test result was good. I’ve tried to explain all that’s going on and what we see as a family with his short term memory, lack of reasoning and judgement. I don’t know how to force him into assisted living.
One of the assisted living places told me he has enough cognizance that I can’t force him. She said the next time he goes into the hospital to have a place set up that he will be sent to when he’s discharged, and not go back home. That will be how I can get him in.
ADVERTISEMENT
This!!
He will continue to allow these scum bags to use him as he doesn't know any better.
The best thing you can do for him now is find the appropriate facility for him, where he will be cared for 24/7 and be safe.
If his house needs to be sold to pay for his care, so be it, and when that $ runs out you can apply for Medicaid for him.
And make sure once he's placed that you keep any and all credit/debit cards and perhaps only give him a few dollars if even that.
I'd be worried one of these druggies will convince him to Grant Deed his home to them, so make sure all paperwork is removed. Store it all in a safe place off his premises in a portable file box. Make copies of your POA and visit his bank, so they are aware.
I have a feeling the new caregivers will not be happy to have to run these bums off all the time. Don't expect them to be his bodyguards, or expect them to stay long. Your brother is 81 and clearly not strong enough to keep these people away. He will continue to get taken advantage of repeatedly, until he is living in a secure, safe place.
He probably finds a sense of "comfort" in having people there, being alone and a widower. I'm sorry this is happening. But with drug problems, they can be very dangerous. Maybe you could convince him to move into AL, tell him he will get meals prepared, have housekeeping done and make new friends.
Sorry he is too nice for his own good. He needs protection.
Your brother wants to go home , but with dementia he can not make those decisions . Obviously he can not make wise decisions anymore . He knows what he wants, but he does not know what he needs.
If there will not be someone there 24/7 with him , he will need to go to Assisted living . If he owns his home, it can be sold to help pay for his care.
I would say you need to educate yourself about dementia.
Also take away his checkbook and credit cards , papers, records ( especially with account and SS numbers etc ) change any passwords etc , so he cannot be taken advantage of financially . You do all his finances , while your brother will have no access anymore nor will anyone else who should not .