katnikwoo Asked January 15, 2024

Thank you-Someone saved my life tonight.

Maybe it was all of you. Maybe it was God. I see it now clearer than before. The abusive relationship I was in. The despair I had succumbed to. Today I started my respite at 10:22am. Although it is a respite from the past 5 months of not leaving the house except to go to the grocery store while the nurses were here (been caring for my schizophrenic wife, who is also abusive and dying of cancer).....It is also a respite from 33 yrs of torture. It's not over yet and I pray when I return I have the energy to be there for her in the end. I heard this song today and cried

When I think of those East End lights, muggy nights
The curtains drawn in the little room downstairs
Prima donna, lord, you really shoulda been there
Sittin' like a princess perched in her electric chair
And it's one more beer, and I don't hear you anymore
We've all gone crazy lately
My friend's out there, rollin' 'round the basement floor (Ooh)

And someone saved my life tonight, sugar bear (sugar bear)
You almost had your hooks in me, didn't you, dear?
You nearly had me roped and tied
Altar-bound, hypnotized, sweet freedom whispered in my ear
You're a butterfly, and butterflies are free to fly
Fly away, high away, bye-bye (Ooh)

I never realized the passin' hours of evening showers
A slip noose hangin' in my darkest dreams
I'm strangled by your haunted social scene
Just a pawn out-played by a dominating queen
It's four o'clock in the morning, damn it! Listen to me good
I'm sleepin' with myself tonight
Saved in time, thank God my music's still alive
(Oh!)

Someone saved my life tonight, sugar bear
(Sugar bear, sugar bear)
You almost had your hooks in me, didn't you, dear?
You nearly had me roped and tied
Altar-bound, hypnotized, sweet freedom whispered in my ear
You're a butterfly, and butterflies are free to fly
Fly away, high away, bye-bye (Ooh)

And I would've walked head-on into the deep end of the river
Clingin' to your stocks and bonds
Payin' your H.P. demands forever
They're comin' in the mornin' with a truck to take me home
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
So save your strength, and run the field you play alone

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My respite was to be 13 days. I was called back home on Day 11 due to my wife being much worse and unresponsive. That was a Wednesday. Watching her die was horrific. Thur - Sun she was bedridden, uncommunicative and only slightly responsive. She struggled to breathe for days and days. The sisters left Saturday morning to fly home and I was alone with her for 20 more hours until she died Jan 18 at 1am. None of my kids, family or friends came during those last hours. She died at home like she wanted.

Although I knew it was coming, I am struggling to grasp the finality of it.... and don't know what to do with myself. All I have done for the past 20 years is take care of her. Our lives were destroyed by the schizophrenia. I thought I would feel more free and relieved she was out of her pain but all I really feel is lost and alone. Just wanted to give you all an update. Thank you for the support during one of the hardest couple of months of my life.

Helpful Answer (8)

For what it’s worth, don’t bother too much about being “there for her in the end”. In the end most people who are dying are not actually conscious. Many posters who have put in hours at the bedside then find that the LO drifts off, just after the poster has just had to go to sleep or go home.

You can best live up to your ‘responsibilities’ by making sensible choices for her now. PLUS making sensible choices for yourself. You and your life matter too.

Helpful Answer (7)

Maybe you don’t come back. Maybe you get ahold of a social worker and tell them that you CANNOT keep on keeping on.

Hospice has a social worker. Maybe call this person.

Best wishes to you.

Helpful Answer (6)

I read the previous question, and I am so glad for you. And relieved. I hope this makes sense: You are the only one just like you on this earth, and you matter, too. [Actually, I hope you do a total internet fast and unplug everything for a time!] ;)

I know two older men, in particular, who said their vows, and that is that - not an easy road they’re choosing (one escapes in his truck to enjoy the radio or just walk), but it’s their choice. I know of one amazing lady on this forum who’s said the same about her own spouse ;) in quite an epic discussion.

I hope you find clarity and purpose and REST while you’re away. Remember to EAT and actually enjoy the pleasure of tasty food. I’m one of those people who believe that only one judgement matters, and it’s not that of my sister, an in-law, parent etc. Best wishes to you.

Helpful Answer (5)

Kat,

With everything that you have been through, I really think that you hit your threshold of pain. Everyone has a breaking point.

Honestly, I don’t know how you lasted as long as you did in your situation. I suppose that you were just going through the motions that it took to survive.

I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been to cope with these difficult circumstances.

The only good thing about hitting rock bottom is that now you have the opportunity to figure out how to get back up. I believe that you will come back from this tragic time in your life.

Take some time to breathe again. You have been at this for over half of your life. Do whatever you need to do for closure and then live your best life. You certainly deserve it.

Wishing you proper rest, peace and hope for better days ahead.

Helpful Answer (4)

Yay!

Helpful Answer (4)

One of my favorite Elton John songs.

Helpful Answer (3)

Me too. I heard Elton John play at our jazz and heritage festival here in New Orleans. He was great!

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You dont Have to go back and take care of her full time . Visit . When you Have a real Break You realize the exhaustion your Body is dealing with . Let the Professionals take Over . It will be a Huge relief . Speak with a social worker , get a Massage ( seriously ) Go see a acupuncturist they can hep with stress . Self Care and stay strong . A Person gets to a Point where they know they can't do it anymore - You Need support and Help . Help for yourself and someone to talk to that will Listen to you .

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