I dare you to try to make any sense of her.

Good to hear you feel better Ckamelian. Keep venting when needed and it's nice of you to want others to feel less guilty when they feel like doing that too.

The daycare sounds just right but do take everyone's advice and keep moving forwards with whatever care and support is needed. I've learnt a lot from the experience and kindness of the listening folk here. If you move forward little by little you will not feel so guilty (though you will feel sad) when a nursing home becomes the choice you know in your heart is needed because you will know you've done everything else you can along the way. Just wanted to send a hello and say make sure you look after yourself. And that you sound like a very caring daughter. And keep posting!

Mom was declining mentally in her apt, and her legs were going from a car wreck years ago. One day she called me and said "I'm in trouble", and it was game on. Seems she had fallen 5 times in 2 days, and had been picked up and put back into her chair. The last time she couldn't stand up and was stuck in the chair; she finally called me. Two years plus on, she has been in a lovely NH right down the street, using a wheelchair and Hoyer Lift, and says they take very good care of her. Lately a couple of complaints, which turn out to be her mind casting back to issues from many years ago that I remember, so her memory problems have taken another turn (she is diagnosed with dementia). I see her often; the help is really nice, the facility is clean and smells GOOD, and there are activities and good food. Someone even shops weekly for the residents, so when I can't get there for weather or something, no worries, and NO stress.... There ARE some good facilities out there - just say'in.

I’m so sorry that you are suffering from burnout. You need to take a respite break away from your mother before you end up getting sick from the stress. I know you said that you will never put your mother in a facility, so the other alternative for you is to have in-home care for your mother so you can get help to take care of her.

It’s clear that you are overwhelmed and stressed out, so I am urging you to seek help for your mother. Check with the county in your state where you live to see what programs they have for the elderly and what help they can provide for your mother.

Hoping you find relief from your stress.

A few times I took things out to the garage to smash them . Very satisfying . Now I see there are actual places you can go to smash things . They are called smash rage rooms .

Thank you everyone , I feel cared for ...thank you very much . Yes it can get overwhelming and frustrating but I promised her a long time ago I'd never put her in a home . I know she doesnt remember that promise but I've worked in homes before and no matter how crazy it gets here , I'd rather her be here than there. I understand there may come a time but it's not yet . On the other hand I did find an adult day health place i take her to on Mondays and Thursdays from 12 to 445 and I have someone else im going to work something out with for some time off too. I guess I also wanted others to know they aren't alone in feeling angry, frustrated, just pissed off . That it's ok . :)

Time to place Mom. I could not handle the unpredictability of Dementia. I took what Money my Mom had and placed her in an AL. When the money ran out I transferred her to LTC with Medicaid paying. It was so nice just to visit and not at 65 dealing with an adult child.

So that others have a fuller understanding of your situation, this is from your profile:

"My husband and I live here with my mom, she has dementia ,maybe late 5th early 6th. stage. I am her only caretaker, besides my husband, there is a restraining order against my sister for 5 years . We had a caretaker before, I had a job before ,then I had shoulder surgery . Complications with my arms arose , our caregiver quit . I tried to hire someone else , they were a no show , that was the only day I made it back to work after surgery. So now I take care of mom , instead of working and to say it can be a challenge is an understatement."

Have you contacted social services for your county to see if your Mom qualifies for any in-home services?

Have you tried working through an agency for a companion aid, at least 1 day a week to give you a break? There's a lot more management when it comes to privately hiring. Most of the times an agency can send a sub.

It's really hard to revise how we view our parents, after a lifetime of interaction with them. My 94-year old Mom lives next door to me. She always had somewhat of a challenging personality but this past 1-1/2 years she is cognitively changing a lot. Even though I KNOW it's her dementia causing her to do and say upsetting things, I often continue to react to her as if she was herself from 20 years ago.

Yes, lots of forgiveness and mental/emotional work. May you receive peace in your heart on this journey. Bless you for taking care of her.

When caring for your mother gets to be just too much for you, just go outside and scream at the top of your lungs. You'll be amazed just how much better you will feel afterwards.
Or as one of the "good Christian" ladies in my caregivers support group would do when her husband pushed her to the edge, she said that she would go out in her garage and let out all of the cuss words she could think of, and then go back in the house(feeling much better)and continue on.
You got to do whatever it takes to release the pressure valve.

Too much time together with anyone can drive us mad, right?

Nothing wrong with leaving the room & screaming into a pilllow now & then.

Return, smile.
Let it go.
Do something else.

Any plans to get some balance back into your life? Get more caregivers for your Mother? Get back to work?

Venting is important.
Before my Mom passed, I was her caregiver. But, I had paid caregivers from an agency come in a couple of times a week. Because, I needed away time. It seems like you need a respite. try hiring caregivers through an agency if you cannot find a dependable one on your own.

Just remember Mom's brain is dying. There is no way to know what areas of her brain are getting enough juice to function. Between the two of you, you are the only one with the physical ability to adapt to whatever her brain is doing at any given time...She's beyond adapting and is just trying to hold onto her rapidly eroding connections to this world