My Mum is 81.
She has a little Pom who she adores,
I do all her shopping for her via delivery.
She doesn't seem to be doing any cooking.
She eats her Sunday dinner I bring to her but I just get the feeling she's giving up.
Her Mum was 92 when she died because of a freak car accident so she should have mileage left. I just think she's bored.
I dunno what to do?
Once she goes, I'll probably move back to the UK. I have a son here but he's doing his own stuff. I've been in Maryland for 24 years, I've been separated for 7 of those. I have nowt to live for over here. I work remotely so as long as my my boss is okay that I can't do on site verification, I'm golden.
Dad passed in 2014. They both moved over here for the birth of my son,
Mum get's a diminished soc sec payment via my Dad plus his pathetic GM pension, She get a UK pension plus a small pension from the Royal Mail.
She gets too much to qualify for assisted living yet cant afford a home.
It's a catch 22.
10 Answers
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Is there a Senior Center that she can get involved with?
And there are lots of places that need Volunteers.
And I have to ask...what does mom say about this? Is she bored? or is she "giving up on things"?
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As she's disabled, she has to get a ride with para transit to go anywhere. She can't get into my car.
She gets a home visit from the nurse practitioner about every 8 weeks. Mum gets meals on wheels but she doesn't always eat the meals.
I'll look into visiting angels.
Long-term care is different and that sounds like what ur talking about. Your Mom does not seem to be ready for LTC. She has to need 24/7 care. Needing help with her ADLs. And yes, you can make too much if looking at Medicaid to pay. But there are Qualifing Trusts that Medicaid allows to place the overage into.
If you want to go back to England why don't u go and take Mom with you? What is here for her? My MIL was from London and never became a citizen. Either did her sister who lives here. Both married American soldiers. I was surprised my MIL stayed here after FIL died. Her sister is now 95 and husband 94. I think at one time if she had become a widow she would have returned to England. But not now she is 95. She used to go home 2x a year. I loved England when we visited.
If I move back to the UK and take her with me raises several questions. I don't know if she could deal with the flight. Then there's the scenario of what happens when we land at Heathrow.
I'd have to go over and find a place that she could get around in. She could move in with me now but the bathroom is upstairs. My staircase is very steep and doesn't meet code.
Then there's the cat and dog thing. My cat tolerates the dog last time she was in hospital but it get up her nose as it's her house.
It wasn’t until I came here that I had ANY clue what was going on.
I had not expected, nor could I have imagined what was happening.
I’m forever grateful to this site for giving me the info that I needed to get my mom some help. 🙂
So am I.
My daughter is 61.
We discuss these things.
I highly recommend that to you.
I as well do not like to cook anymore. At 81 I guess I have had enough of cooking. My partner 83, and I eat at different hours and eat different things as I love spice and he's a GERD sufferer. I eat early and he eats later.
Things change. Different things at different times.
And as a PS just let me add, this ISN'T the most fun part of life. This is the end of life. Things get achy. There's not a lot of upside. When you gotta go, 'you REALLY gotta go; there's no "we'll be back home to your bathroom in a half hour". Your eyes don't see as well, your ears don't hear as well, and you are intolerant of food and drink you once enjoyed. This isn't the best of times. That's just a fact. Don't ask that it should be.
We are active. Garden. Walk a bit. But things do slow. And that's just fine. We are perfectly content with it all. Keep our hands in with the pets we love, but no longer our own; rather fosters we place in permanent loving homes.
As I said. Discuss your Mom's life with her ACTIVELY. Don't talk to a Forum ABOUT her. Talk TO her. About your own plans as well. I would be lost without honestly loving conversations and support of my daughter. We have gone from Mom and Daughter to trusted close friends.
TALK to you Mom and my very best to you both.
I LOVE the word "nowt".
My best, again, to you both.
I have my own problems I have to deal with as well as keeping my boss off my back getting architecture projects done.
The reason I posted this was for ideas.
I said to her a couple of weeks ago that I think she should go into a AL facility. Her response was no.
I could adjust her income so it doesn't show up and she might qualify. My worry is if she can keep her dog. I think if she was in a facility, I wouldn't have to go over daily to make sure she took her meds and she'd have the opportunity to interact with other people. Then I could afford to spend longer with her for Sunday dinner. Losing her dog though would be very hard.
Her brain couldn’t put together how to prepare food, or even if she had eaten.
She had dementia.
She’s been in Memory Care for three years, and has gained back 50 pounds.
Have her checked out for dementia and depression ?
My Mom was living on cookies, staying in pajamas all day . Turned out she had dementia , making a sandwich was too hard for her .