Do you think this was abuse?

…the ankle that’s injured…is the one I’m asking for you to raise…if the patient doesn’t know which ankle that’s injured…then there’s a different problem. Don’t be 100% responsible for the healing of the ankle. Rehab should be in charge

I just joined this conversation and want to say the picture of what you did IS ANYTHING BUT ABUSE! The fact that you consider this minimal display of some aggressiveness “abuse” tells me you should seek therapy to help with your severe conscience.

Does your loved one not know their right from their left? It wasn't abuse but bad communication on both of you. Could they not understand move your injured ankle? Is that why you kept tapping their ankle instead of being more specific? Is this a cognitive issue on their part?

I did in-home caregiving for 25 years as my profession and for my mother. I am now in the business of it.

I will tell you from a long experience in caregiving that 'babying' them and waiting on them hand and foot doesn't do anyone any favors especially the person receiving the care.

Be very attentive and observant. If your parent is struggling with something that is when you help. Make them try for themselves.

For example, if your parent can get to the table with a walker or wheelchair to eat a meal, they must. Don't bring it to them because it's easier.

Of course people get frustrated when they get hurt or sick. That does not entitle them to be demanding or to behave badly to the person or people who are caring for them.

Getting frustrated or impatient is not abuse. You are not being abusive to your parent. The caregiving situation can very easily become abusive if you don't set some boundaries with your parent. One of those boundaries has to be that if they being demanding or refusing to try you will walk away and ignore them for a while.

You sometimes have to a force a person to try to do for themselves. How to do that is by not waiting on them or babying them. Good luck.

Every single caregiver on this planet has had their share of challenging situations. All of us have occasionally lost our patience.

I will tell you what therapists often say to their clients, “Forgive yourself for things that you feel that you could have done better. Don’t expect perfection from yourself or anyone else.”

Recognize that you have done your best. You aren’t an abusive person. You have shown compassion and concern for your parent.

Wishing you peace as you continue your caregiving journey.

You are asking an awful lot of yourself if you are asking yourself not to be impatient ever, aren't you?
Do you typically expect so much from yourself?
Isn't it enough to say "Sorry, Mom. I get impatient sometimes. Hard for me to slow down enough to listen. Hope you'll forgive me."
Then THAT'S off the table.

Does she never herself get impatient? I am so curious why you would take this so seriously.

Its called impatience. I slapped my Moms hand once because I asked her to stop touching something. Like a child she kept doing it, like a parent...I slapped her hand. She had Dementia and yes I felt guilty.

This is frustration not abuse.
That said I have to ask....
How long will the recovery be?
Will FMLA cover you the entire time that is needed for recovery, rehab and getting back to "normal routine"? Or are you going to be talking more unpaid time off?
Will you be able to return to your former position/job?
How much are you losing by taking this time unpaid not just for your annual salary but retirement and any benefits?
Would it be a better option to begin looking for Assisted Living options. Quite often after a break in the foot mobility does not return to baseline and your LO may need an environment that is one that has no stairs, no carpeting if there is a possibility that a walker or cane will be used. No tub/shower but a walk in would be safer as well. Just a few thoughts to ponder.

Thanks to all of you. I do want to stress that my loved one is really not "demanding", as I originally wrote in my question, and I'm sorry I wrote that. Quite the contrary, they are patient, kind, gracious,and grateful for my support. I believe the issue is my own shift in lifestyle (since I'm on FMLA for this time) and the reality of the care needs at hand and an occasional moment of stress, fear, and uncertainty in the process. I'm grateful to be able to bring my worry to this group, and you've all given me encouragement and food for thought as to how I can care for myself while I'm caring for them.

No not abuse. Frustration probably. Maybe she isn't having much feeling there which made it difficult to be sure where you tapped her? Does she have dementia? It's just kind of odd that she didn't already know which ankle you would be referring to. I probably would have been slightly sarcastic and said something like "well, which ankle do you think?? How about the broken one??".

Take a deep breath and keep up the good work.

I should also say that when I tapped their ankle the 2nd time, I said, emphasizing, "this ankle", in an irritated voice.

I think it's great you are examining your feelings on this. What happened and why.

When you feel your stress level or frustration rising too high it is time to step out of the room for a time.

When calmer, that 'which ankle' question may not have riled you at all. Maybe you could have replied with seriousness, 'Your injured ankle please' or joked 'Whichever, you choose! Or whatever.

Is this resentment?

Resentment can mean we are giving too much.

Doesn't sound like abuse. However, it does sound like you need a break or need some significant time away.

no this sounds fine and as you said, they said it did'nt hurt. it was a one time thing.
This sounds ok. It can be frustrating at times indeed.

However if you find that you are increasingly getting frustrated, angry, feel like yelling etc on a more regular basis, then one needs to think about the situation and see if the stress is getting too much for you.

No, nothing you wrote sounds like abuse.

Abuse of YOU, maybe. Abuse of your mom? No.