Has anyone been careing for their aging parent, then a sibling enters the picture creating alot of trouble? I'm there and it's not a good place.

I fail to understand why you stopped working.

When you give up employment, you lose your ability to manage your own life on your own terms.

Which is where you find yourself now. At the mercy of POA brother (who should be using mom's resources to fund her care), crazy brother who manipulates mom, and demented mom who doesn't value your help.

Get out, go back to work and allow the person mom appointed to manage her affairs to do just that.

I also wanted to add, that I have recently realized that my mother plays me and my brothers against each other, so we don't talk or communicate, she doesn't want us discussing what to do with her.

Your mom's says this about your brother, who knows what she is saying to your brother about you.

Does anyone have POA for your mother ?
That would be the person responsible for making sure your mother gets the care she needs .

If you don’t have POA, and So long as your brother is there you may have to let him take care of her and you move out for your own sanity .

Unfortunately we hear of these situations all the time . If your mother chooses your brother over you to live with her ( and possibly be her POA) , nothing you can do about it .

You could visit Mom and if things are not right you could call APS and report a vulnerable elderly person .

If you are POA , and your mother has been deemed incompetent , maybe a lawyer could start the eviction process to make your brother leave. Also were you paying rent to your mother ? If your brother becomes POA he could try kicking you out claiming you are a squatter .

You are not working , how are you supporting yourself ? Don’t ruin your own future. You need to be saving for your own retirement . Your mother may have to sell her home to go into a facility, so you need a job and rent money .

Sorry about your situation .

Time to say hasta la vista to the whole situation and let dear brother wipe your mom's butt from now on.

I feel like , every family has one of those in them. Mine is my sister, not the same issue but she causes trouble. Visits 2 times a year, comes in to tell me and my brothers what we are doing wrong, and usually something is missing when she leaves. Not the same problem but I think there is often one of those in a family

My advice would be to take a step back , and breath , keep contact with your mom, visit, but maybe a little less, and do less when you are there. Let you brother do it all. Things will change , I'm going on 4 yrs of caregiving , things are always changing.

One other thing that is important is for you to stay calm, not to let emotions control you. I wanted to do badly, mean text my sister, many times. I new I needed to be the bigger person, so I erased and lost her phone number so I wouldn't be tempted.

I hope that is helpful!

Who is the POA here?
If there isn't one, this is pretty major. You have a mother with a brain injury and dementia, and it is now too late for a POA if one wasn't done already.
And you have two siblings living with her, with her divided between them.

If you and your brother cannot get together in the care of your mother, then I don't see any way forward save taking this to an elder law attorney and asking for mediation. First of all, with your mother no longer competent you need a diagnosis and an appointed conservator.

If you can't work together, then, quite honestly, it may be better for you to exit this situation and let your brother take care of your mom. You will then visit and help him (and I would offer this very nicely) and if you see any sort of abuse you will need to contact APS.

This is a mess. No question about it. And if no one is POA here, then this is a mess that won't easily be fixed, even with 100s of 1,000s of dollars and court action.

I am the primary care giver of my Mom who is 100 years old and a disabled senior sister who is 65. I moved them into my home years ago and I often regret it but if the nursing home is the only alternative I have to muddle through. I understand what you are going through and I have so much empathy My mom and sister will talk to other relatives on the phone or friends but the don't talk to me at all. Boo Hoo. I'm not losing sleep over this but I am literally a prisoner in my own home. I cook three times a day shop clean the house do the laundry even clean up when behavior dictates having an accident on the floor which isn't an accident or some other extreme behavior. They know what they are doing and they also know when elicit bizarre behavior I resound or react. I HAVE ALSO LEARNED THAT IF I IGNORE THE BEHAVIOR IT SUBSIDES. If what they are doing does not hurt them or hurt someone around them I dismiss it. I's easier said then done but the spiritual side of me obligates me to care for my family even though I have several adult siblings who live within 20 minutes to 40 minutes from my home. I have sought the services of home health care to assist with the chaos in my house but it's limited. It is available through the Department of Human Services for free or through your insurance depending on the income of the individuals who require assistance. Your question caught my attention because I am there. I could go on for hours about what I experience no a daily basis but I've learn to pray be positive and find an outlet to escape the crazy for at least an hour or two each day. Sometimes I just go for a drive. It's okay that my mother and sister don't communicate with me unless they need something but I refuse to let their unwarranted hostility and indifference steal my peace Hang in there Being a care giver is it's own blessing but I truly understand it's a very difficult job. My Prayers are with you.

If you’re not the POA it’s time to step aside and let them take care of your mom. When push comes to shove you have no rights and no say in anything.

I learned this the hard way. Just take care of yourself & visit mom when you can.

You need a therapist or social worker who will support you . Sounds quite chaotic and I Understand rents have gone sky High , food prices have doubled - If you are single - Life is Looking a Bit grim . Usually the Primary caretaker has POA and health care Proxy . This sounds Like a situation you can Not change . Your Mother sides with whom ever and there is no Point In trying to reason with her . Best you can do is Find a Job and Make Money and Plan on Moving Out . Did your Mom do a Will ? Sounds Like No real communication is Happening between siblings . The best you can do is get yourself Out of the House as Much as Possible and start making a nest egg and Plan for the future . Do things for yourself Like go On a date - Do Not tell anyone your Business . Focus On you is the best advice I Can give you .