I received zero answers or comments for my question. Where do I turn for help?

NAMI

If you click on your name it will take you to another page. Theres a heading called "following". Click on it an u will find your posts and others you have looked at. You will see you did have answers.

It's easy to say, to get her evaluated, but they become reluctant to cooperate! And NOT taking what they should, or taking too much, is also an issue! The 2nd smoking and flaming toaster I had no other choice, but to toss out the front door, was the last straw of having a toaster in the house, my husband was NOT allowed to even work a toaster, nor allowed in the kitchen! I will make his food, call him, once I place the dish on the table, pour his drink, get the condiments. I will have to bring things to the sink and take care of the mess he makes, return things to the refrigerator, otherwise, you will find milk on the counter and peanut butter in the refrig. Crackers on the floor, as they fell from the box as he attempted to put it back in the cabinet? Who knew a toaster was a complex appliance? Yep, I did! The burner covers he couldn't grasp needed removing before turning on the stove (27+ yrs. ago when he first had his brain surgery), something was very much amiss in what had happened to him? That brain surgery was a success, the patient lived, the confused that followed, has me baffled and confused that he is living with a world he can't make right? Learning curve for the both of us. Took up until 2 yrs ago, to finally be diagnosed with BOTH Dementia and Alzheimers! Yeah, ya think? Makes me think I'm losing my mind, I'm dealing with him! Not fair, but who said, Life was fair? Challenging, for sure! Keep a sense of humor, the dead cat is NOT peeing on the floor!

I see 4 answers to your post on 1/15 and one today for a total of 6.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/my-mother-has-just-had-a-psychotic-breakdown-shes-72-not-diagnosed-with-dementia-but-shows-all-signs-485211.htm

I am sorry also, Mommy, that you don't have more answers.
Sadly that is in part because so many of us on Forum, after dealing with family with mental issues, or after seeing so many others go through it, now that there are so few answers when mental issues are involved.

You tell us that you are a caregiver and that you have some nurse associates. They will give you good advice, and about the only advice out there, which is that, sadly and in reality, there is very little that you CAN do.

First of all, your case is complicated in that, if you are right, and dementia IS involved, there is almost no way currently to sort out many of the symptoms of dementia from those of mental illness. Until there is an autopsy of the brain after death the certainty of what kind of mental illness is involved often is judged by symptom and little else.

Because a person with mental illness is highly protected under the law they cannot be forced to have any testing, so even those MRIs and etc that might suggest losses of grey or white matter in the brain, aren't done on someone unwilling often enough.

I wish I had more answers for you, but sadly about the only suggestion I have is to leave care to the state, and to not attempt to take guardianship or care on to yourself. As a caregiver you will be aware of APS. Use them when you believe there is real risk to the one you love. And do on take on responsibility. As one who managed care for a brother with dementia, who was a joy, a kind and organized and willing and cooperative man, I can assure you that POA is difficult in the BEST of circumstances, and it is impossible in the worst.

Lastly I leave you with a book recommendation that both Barb and I often make here. That is the memoir by Liz Scheier called Never Simple. It can be got used on Amazon for a song now and is an amazing read. Ms Scheier attempted to take on the care of her mom who was mentally challenged. Even tho she enlisted the help of the city and state of New York, for decades she attempted to provide care and housing and guidance and counseling. AND ALL TO NO AVAIL.

I am dreadfully sorry that you were not answered in your question to us. I come on to AgingCare usually twice a day, and I surely did miss it. I wish you the very very best and I hope you will update us. My very best out to you.

Your profile says your mother lives in independent living . I’m assuming you mean an independent living facility ???

If so do they have assisted living there? Can the facility help by having someone
come to her apartment to do a cog test?

If she has dementia and isn’t taking her meds , the facility could move her to assisted living building .

Mommy, I am so sorry that you didn't get any answers. Unfortunately, I think sometimes questions get buried.

Have you had an assessment done by the local area on aging? I think that would be a start.

What your mom is doing is called gaslighting and I don't know if she was always this way but, it would be good to know because it changes how I would encourage you.

Can you let me know.

You sound burnt to a crisp by the way. So, great big warm hug! This will get sorted out.