I am 86 and am as physically independent as is possible. AL is my own choice, but how do I accept the "loss" of so much I have to let go of?

I am 81. I call this NORMAL.
Why would we NOT have a problem with all we are giving up? I can tell you I pride myself in downsizing. I was a collector and had this pottery collection and that one. Now I am down to two and downsizing THEM. I have torn down my photo albums, got rid of duplicates, and thrown out many things my daughter doesn't want from me and I should not leave for her to get rid of. The photos are down to one neat arranged plastic box that says "S. Look at these once and then THROW". She's capable at early 60s of deciding what to meld with her OWN stuff! All the things that were memories are passed on to kids already, or done away with.

PS that stuff I let go of? Includes a beautiful cabin, all glass, with a hedgerow in which the deer and foxes played. You know, I don't miss it? I still walk that land in my heart and mind any time I want. The family ornaments? No one really wanted them. I gave them away. For a tiny bit it hurt. It doesn't now. All of that--all of it--I just don't get to take it with me other than in my heart while I live.

Heck Emily. You and me? We alREADY faced down some changes in our lives, right? I changed out MEN more than a few times. We could likely sit together in the gazebo where my bro was and gossip quite happily together a while, and then retire to our own little room(s).

I think you can do it. D., my brother said "You know, hon, this is like a 60s commune sometimes. WE all bicker about whether the shades should be up to get some sun in the common room or whether it's too much glare. We have the occ. rough words or bicker. But we have cottage meetings to clear it up and at least we don't have to decide who cooks".

I think you can do it. You are fretting about it and we always fret about change. That's fine. Shows you think about it. Shows you are a careful person who cares about it.
I think you'll be fine. And you are a year or so ahead of me --should I live so long--so I hope you will come HERE and tell ME how it goes!

House is neat and spare and more open and to tell the truth I have come to LIKE it that way.
I am somewhat reclusive. Not very social. Not a dresser in that I wear my jeans, a tee and a sweater daily. But, a little socializing, a few games, a shared meal in the common room looked kind of good when my bro did it (he was 7 years my senior.)

Emily,

It’s perfectly normal to experience a sense of loss as you transition into a new phase of your life. You’re saying goodbye to being fully independent but you’re gaining security in other areas.

You seem to be fully aware of how you feel about your move into assisted living. It’s healthy to acknowledge your feelings instead of suppressing them.

I am not worried about you. You have the right attitude. You will adjust accordingly and grow to embrace your new surroundings.

Wishing you peace of mind as you continue on this journey and much happiness in your assisted living facility.

Another tip that I like is from Marie Kondo (Japanese author & queen of tidying up). Many may find this silly or too out there (my husband calls it nuts).

Each item you discard, you hold it & thank it. Outloud even. Then say goodbye & release it. (To the thrift store for someone else or to the great landfill if it's time).

Thank you for being my second best pair of scissors, you served me well. Goodbye.

The look on my husband's face was worth it 😜

I think the grief that accompanies major life changes just has to be accepted as natural, and hopefully with time you will adjust and even prefer your new normal.

Emily, I am 86 and moved from my family home of 40 years to a condo last October. The way things worked out as I downsized, which took some time, I did all my grieving of the losses so I was more than ready for the change. I got rid of a lot. Family didn't want much at all. I brought some things that I now know I can let go of and that's ok. Another trip to the thrift shop. My life in the condo has to be simpler. It is much smaller and much more social, both of which are good.

I see from your profile you are having trouble finding help to downsize. Have you tried local churches to see if anyone there will help? Perhaps your local Agency for Aging has some ideas.

It's my belief that the pain of any loss has to be grieved - processed. I did this as I downsized. Feel your feelings but don't wallow in them. Maybe set a daily time to feel your losses, shed some tears then get up and have a cup of tea or read or go for a walk. I find during a walk I can let my feelings flow. Just find what works for you. Moving has been said to be the most stressful life event, higher even than marriage. After I read that recently, I cut myself some slack.

You will get through it. I wish you well in finding the right place for you and the help you need to get there. (((((Hugs)))) and prayers.

My Aunt, a sensible lady transitioned the best of anyone I know. Yet she too had to overcome what to do with things. Dear things that hold memories, clothes you loved, furniture saved up for..
(The Stress of Stuff I call it).

Usually when you move you take it all & unpack. But downsizing needs much discarding first.

My clever cousin found a solution.
After getting bogged in what to discard, she flipped it into
*What to keep*

From the NEW space. Fresh eyes.
What would look good & feel right HERE? Lists were made. Items described & collected.

This method also works for holiday packing for me. I have stood stupified wondering how to fit all my clothes, books etc. *flip* get my bag out & place in a separate room. Picture my days. What do I want to wear/take/do? Take only that.

Picture the new space. Or better yet BE in the new space to plan.

You'll do great!

If you are a collector, keep one item from each collection to display on a shelf or small curio cabinet in your new place.

Up top of this page is a category called "Find Care". If you click on it and fill out the info form, A Place For Mom will contact you with various senior living options in your area.

Best of luck.

My mother in law will be 102 soon. She did not move into assisted living until last year. She is very independent and was still driving until recently. She had a 3 bedroom 2 bath condo filled with beautiful things. She thought she was going to get big bucks from hiring an auctioneer to take sell her things. She was extremely disappointed and got pennies on the dollar. Her furnishings were not in fashion for todays homes. We were disappointed that she did not ask us if we wanted anything. She didn't even share the auctioneers information so we could go and attempt to buy something. She is very stubborn and hard headed and always wants to prove that she is handling her life and her things. She was in over her head and ended up letting this person take framed photos that we cannot replace and all of her clothing! She then had to go out and buy several outfits. Pride commeth before the fall kept ringing in my ears as all of this was playing out. So I guess my MIL has just the opposite problem from you as none of the things really meant anything and she just wanted the money. My advice to you is:
1)These things are just things....so pick out the things that mean the most to you and that you will actively need and use in your new assisted living place. Dont over clutter your new apartment. Less is more. Your bed and bedding, a comfortable chair or two and your television. Your clothing and personal bathroom items, a framed picture or two, a mirror...
2) If you have things you would like to give a family member or friend, now is the time to do it. You can give them history behind the item and why you would like them to have it.
3) Pick a charity that you care about and donate some items to them. Goodwill, Amvets, a battered womans shelter, etc.
4) Have someone help you sell or donate the rest and don't look back. Focus on being healthy and enjoying nature and friendships and your life! That is what's valuable!

You could always put some of the excess stuff in storage. You will probably find that after a few months that you don't even miss the stuff in storage, and it may get easier at that time to let it go.

I am in my fifties and I am already purging a lot of the collectibles and books that I just had to have in my 20's. Garage sales and eBay are my friends. I will admit, my CD collection will be the toughest to let go. Maybe I will just let my son deal with that :)

Dear Emily86,
Be compassionate towards yourself for dealing with big loss. Kudos to you for moving into ALS, that's what I plan to do also someday if I'm still around. Loss is just plain hard in life. Belly breathe, let yourself grieve and in time things shift.
Best Wishes.