Find Senior Care (City or Zip)
Join Now Log In
D
DrosieD Asked February 3, 2024

When does the "out of the norm" become the new norm? Is it here to stay?

My daughter had her Alzheimer's father out most of the day yesterday. We got dinner going, I dished up his plate for him (he seems not to want to do it on his own). My daughter got her salad, I got mine, and handed the bowl to my husband. He sat the bowl down. Rather than putting the salad dressing on the salad (we usually take ours first and leave the rest for him). He proceeded to scrape his mashed potatoes onto the salad. We asked what he was doing with no response. I helped get his potatoes back on the plate and get the dressing on the salad. He proceeded to get up and go to the pantry. Asking what he was looking for with no response I let him go. He finally got into the refrigerator and got a drink. Throughout dinner he had a horrible time finding his words. Both my daughter and I chalked this up to his being tired and let it go. He didn't eat his entire meal, got up and proceeded to get ready for bed - it was before 7PM. He was in bed at 6:45PM. Totally out of the norm, but again I chalked it up to his being tired and let it go.


This morning there was a package delivery. He opened the door took the package to our daughter then proceeded to stay at the front door. My daughter asked what he was doing. His response, "I was just seeing if it was who I thought it was." The trash truck was picking up trash on the opposite side of the street. He was confused why they weren't picking up ours. My daughter had to explain to him that they did one side then the other.


This is all behavior totally out of the norm. He slept until almost 9AM the following morning! I'm going to watch him for the weekend. If it continues, I'll call is provider.

Geaton777 Feb 7, 2024
Fatigue and change in routine definitely impact people with dementia/alz. I live next door to my 94-yr old Mom. Lately, she's been "worse" in the afternoons and evenings (so she sometimes Sundowns), but not consistently. She still does yardwork (like picking up sticks and some gardening) so she often poops herself out so much she is too tired to cook and eat (so I bring her food). I would classify her as having mild cognitive and memory decline, some aphasia. This past Sunday we had a family birthday celebration out at a restaurant that didn't start until 8:30pm. When we picked her up in her driveway, she was clutching her handicap car pass but insisting it was her garage door opener. Not normal for her, but neither was her very late dinner and social event. She is doing things like that more and more weekly now.

Our agreement is that facility placement is the solution if she becomes unsafe to stay in her home and/or I am overwhelmed by her care needs. I will keep her in her house as long as she can afford it and be there safely, and I'm not overwhelmed. This is the trigger I have chosen for our arrangement.

You ask, "Is it here to stay?" ... I'd say yes, and more and more every month and week, but it's so different for everyone. ALZ is different than other dementias, as you probably know. I know people with ALZ for whom it took a long time to run its full course, and others whose trajectory seems to be going 3 times as fast.

I worry about dehydration with my Mom too, as she is old-school daughter of immigrant parents and wasn't raised drinking water, so I have to keep an eye on that with her (and also because she hates feeling like she has to pee all the time).

Is your husband on meds for ALZ, like Aricept?

DrosieD Feb 7, 2024
Adding to those who answered, A message was sent to his neurologist. Fatigue was likely the cause, His regular doctor also felt it likely not only fatigue but also dehydration. He is improved, but still presents with a bit of a decline, It was suggested I start looking into placement sooner than later. Youu see. nothing to plug up the emergency room with. No stroke.

ADVERTISEMENT


Dupedwife Feb 4, 2024
Sadly, I don’t need to walk in your shoes or your daughter’s shoes to know about Alzheimer’s as I have seen how dreadful this disease was to all of my aunts on my father’s side. I am currently walking in my own shoes with my husband who has early onset dementia and I know that the worse is yet to come.

Dupedwife Feb 3, 2024
Your daughter needs to take her father to the hospital/doctor immediately to be checked out as what he’s doing has nothing to do with being tired. He’s having some sort of medical episode that needs to be checked out.
DrosieD Feb 4, 2024
Hate to tell you this, but he wasn't having a "medical episode", he was very fatigued after being out all day. Several hours of it was for physical therapy. He can't even get out of a chair. He's been told another fall to the floor is placement time for him. We're trying to get his leg strength up more and hopefully get a bit more core strength. He has the "ape walk" of dementia.

I suppose the next thing you're going to tell me is getting him hearing aids to hopefully help his speech is out of the question, he's going to die anyway. No denial here, I'm trying to do all for him I can before I have to make the decision on placement.

So don't think a change for what was the norm for a bit isn't a new normal for him now. If I ran to the doctor or emergency room every time there was a change I may as well throw in the towel. Not quite ready there. There's a lot of people with loved ones on this forum with Alzheimer's and going through this. I only questioned is a "one time" out of the norm something to watch for further decline.

Don't make me and my daughter the bad guys. Wanta walk in our shoes for a day or two?
AlvaDeer Feb 3, 2024
You say he has dementia.
If this is true, how are these things out of his norm?

This gentleman could be having a stroke or a brain bleed.

If these things are all out of the norm I cannot honestly imagine why you are not in an Emergency Room with him right now.

Please get to an emergency room ASAP for evaluation. I will meanwhile hope that you are looking at the results of something as simple to treat as a UTI and not a bleed.
DrosieD Feb 4, 2024
I used to be a nurse, I know signs and symptoms of a CVA. Having Alzheimer's with no outward signs of CVA told me he didn't need to be in an ER.

Oh, by the way, he doesn't have a UTI.
funkygrandma59 Feb 3, 2024
There is no "norm" with Alzheimer's or any of the dementias, so not sure why any of his behaviors are surprising to you.
And the fact that you say that "he seems not to want to do his own" when it comes to plating his food, tells me that perhaps you're in a bit of denial when it comes to exactly what your husband can and cannot do for himself anymore.
He doesn't plate his food because he's forgotten just how that is done and needs your help.
He needs your help with a lot of things apparently and you and your daughter being in denial about it isn't going to help him one bit.
Your husbands brain is now broken and it will never get better but only worse, That is the sad truth about dementia. So the best thing that you and your daughter can do for yourselves is educate yourselves about dementia, so when more changes come(and they will)you will be better prepared and not so shocked by them.
And yes a UTI can bring on sudden changes as well, but if that is ruled out it just means that your husband has taken yet another step down in his Alzheimer's journey.
DrosieD Feb 4, 2024
I'm in no denial. I know what he can and cannot do, this was just so sudden. He has no UTI. I guess now the new "normal" are more rapid changes. No denial here.
BarbBrooklyn Feb 3, 2024
A Urinary Tract Infection can produce sudden behavioral changes.
DrosieD Feb 4, 2024
He doesn't have a UTI.
lealonnie1 Feb 3, 2024
If he doesn't have a UTI or something else organically wrong going on, this is the new norm for the moment. Considering there IS no more "norm" and every day is different, that is, one of the hardest components of the dementias to deal with imo: the not knowing what to expect.

Grandma1954 Feb 3, 2024
He is exhibiting all the signs that a person with dementia will do.
the "normal" shifts day to day, week to week, month to month and year to year.
As you suspect what I am getting at is there is no more "Normal"
He did what he did with the salad because he did not know what to do.
He looked in the pantry and did not respond to you because he did not know what he wanted.
My Husband went from a "normal" bedtime routine, brushing his teeth and going to bed about 10PM to brushing his teeth, folding his dirty clothes by his chair (so he could wear the clothes again the next day) , brushing his teeth and going to bed at 7PM.
He continued to go to bed at 7 every night but as he declined he slept more and more during the day. To the point where the last 6 months he slept about 20 hours and the last month he slept 23 to 24 hours with enough wake time for me to change him, shower him feed him. And even the showering changed to bed baths the last month.
So..there is no more Normal.
You do need to begin keeping an eye on him.
He will need help in the bathroom.
He will become incontinent if he isn't already.
He will need help with all aspects of grooming, dressing. the ADL's (activities of daily living)
DrosieD Feb 4, 2024
You've given me the best answer, there is none. He's had trouble getting his shirts on for awhile. He has to be reminded to shower. On a day he doesn't shower (we live in a very dry climate so every other day is fine), he forgets to shave and brush his teeth.

I asked him the following day if he knew why he scraped the potatoes into the salad bowl (we usually give it to him so he can eat it right from the bowl if he choses. He told me "I know they all went together in the same place". Well partially right.

His bedtime used to be 10pm, now it's 8pm or earlier. Last night he didn't even tell my daughter and I "good night". I watch and report to his neurologist all changes, though they keep saying "mild to moderate", no staging. I'm guessing when I report this last episode I'll be told to start looking for assisted living or long term care. Thank God he is a veteran, having served 20 years in the AF, so he has VA to help with placement.

So far his norm was fairly consistent. I'm watching to see if this levels off for a bit. I'm expecting it to continue changing more rapidly with this last behavior. You're right, there is no normal any more.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter