I'm being charged with financial elder abuse. I've done knowingly nothing wrong, concerning my father's finances.

You don't mention yourself or anyone else having your father's POA or conservatorship.

Who was paying your father's nursing home bills and how were they getting paid?

Someone was writing the checks to pay the nursing home. Granted, a nursing home resident or their POA do not have to allow a nursing home or other care facility access to their accounts or banking information. They do however have to pay the person's care bill every month at the facility.

Your father with dementia who's in a nursing home because he couldn't be cared for safely and adequately at home anymore, told you to spend his money any way you want. So you went to the bank, cleaned out his account, and spent it.

Yes, this is most emphatically ELDER FINANCIAL ABUSE.

You are stealing from your own father. You proclaim here that his dementia is so advanced that he had to be placed in residential care. Yet, you think he's rational enough to make informed and logical financial decisions about how his money is going to be spent.

Refund the money back into his account if you still have it. If you don't then you can get in serious touble.
The bank manager who cleaned out his bank account when he called from a nursing home is probably in more trouble than you are.

Put the money back. The nursing home gets your father's monthly income. They also get whatever was owed to them for back bills if no one has been paying for him.

One thing I learned in life is never allow myself to get entangled in old people's affairs ever again. Keep your life and your finances separate. Don't believe the promises parents will tell you. Most of the time, it is to manipulate you into a caretaking situation that will not benefit you at all. Parents will put you in danger of being homeless and in some cases have you brought up directly on elder abuse charges. I had three years of this headache for a younger disabled sister that my mother left behind after she died. Both parents had me cited to take over at the young age of six. That way, they did not have to worry about placement issues for younger sib. Their way of coping was to dump this burden on another sibling to avoid the cost and guilt of placement themselves. I was saddled with this burden in my early thirties while my father got to remarry, and take elaborate trips with his new wife and family. It was not a good time for me. And on top of that, I was newly divorced with a kid to raise. Anyway, fast forward; I watched this fiasco play out with dad and his new family. Eventually, he got old. The new wife became his caretaker. A phony deed was drawn up while dad was on morphine and had a few weeks to live. No one (other siblings) wanted the headache of pursuing this, so the wife and her crew are still in the home. My sibs and I were going to get a lawyer to fight this, but decided it wasn't worth the headache. The house was in bad shape anyway.

The government doesn't fight fair. An elderly demented parent's promise isn't worth a plate of refried beans. I would just let them talk but don't take the conversations seriously. I would treat these conversations as part of their illness.

In this case, I would consent an elder lawyer or someone who works in this field to instruct you what to do asap!

You really didn’t know that stealing SSI checks is illegal?

I find that very hard to believe.

Joe Taxpayer will not foot the bill for your travel expenses, sorry. The nursing home is in the right here.

Im wondering if the bank manager “friend” didn’t take a nice slice of the pie. Seems unusual she would allow that.

Are you posting here to defend yourself in "public court"? You've come to the wrong place.

"Ignorance is not a legal defense". This means that your "intentions" have absolutely no impact on the fact that laws were broken. Your defense attorney will confirm this.

It's like not paying taxes because you didn't think you had to and then expecting you'd be let off the hook by the IRS because you didn't know you had to pay them.

or

"Oh, I didn't know I couldn't murder someone."

You say you did not KNOWINGLY do anything wrong.
Ignorance is no excuse before the law.

I find the Bank Manager story a bit difficult to believe, but if what you say is true, you and the bank manager may be sharing a cell.

You have taken money that rightfully was not yours, and that was for your father and his life and his care.

You need an attorney.
What you are doing is ELDER ABUSE and likely also larceny.
You are taking the funds of a senior who clearly is not in his right mind.
You may well end up in jail if you cannot find an attorney to represent you.

Is your Dad on Medicaid? How is he paying the nursing home bill? If your Dad is on Medicaid to pay the nursing home, all of his money, including his SS checks needs to go to the nursing home. If you are taking this money, you will be rightfully charged with financial abuse and possibly theft by police. You are going to need a lawyer, and you need to make sure the NH gets his checks. This is assuming he is Medicaid pending or on Medicaid. Sorry, you don't have any rights to his money or income.

Agree with others. You need to find a lawyer and yesterday.

People often transfer assets with little to no research or understanding of the ramifications. While it may be innocent as far as intent - when it comes to applying for and being granted Medicaid - the government sees this as "hiding assets" in an effort to qualify for Medicaid to pick up the bill.

The problem is that your father's assets were to be used for his care - until he spent down to a certain amount (I think it is $2,000 not counting the house). THEN he would be able to qualify for Medicaid. If Medicaid is covering his facility and medication costs, the expectation is that the person will give the SNF all of the money they have coming in (minus a very small monthly amount for their own purchases - I think that is less than $100 a month.) So if he gets SSI every month - then they are entitled to that money. Every penny of it except that small stipend for personal expenses.

To that end, when he moved all of his money to you - during the look back period - AND in combination with everything else you shared - any amount he gave you - creates a gap in his care coverage. Meaning Medicaid won't pay for the amount he gave you towards his care.

In situations like this - a 'gentleman's agreement' verbally means absolutely nothing. My in-laws financially supported my SIL and BIL for the last 15 years. When my FIL was getting near the end- he would tell DH, who is his executor, that when the time came to "dish out" inheritance that he should take 75+% because BIL and SIL had been "taking his inheritance".

DH said, Dad unless you change your will, I can't do squat because it's illegal. Spoiler alert - he never changed it. LEGALLY DH is required to follow that will to the letter of the law and give his sister 50% of everything that is left when any debts are paid. There is no other option.

My point - it doesn't matter what verbal promises your father made. It doesn't matter what his wishes were. What matters is that his assets were intended to pay for his care, and now he has put you in a very scary position unintentionally.

Because legally what was done is not allowed.

Find a lawyer. This won't go away. And it won't matter how much your father insists he wanted you to have it. He can't have assets and have his care paid for by Medicaid. And he transferred his assets to you during the lookback period. you need someone who knows the law to help you.

https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/medicaid-look-back-period/

I can't quite believe the bank manager bit. They would for sure have known this was elder abuse and their own neck would be on the line.

Unfortunately, a conversation between family members is not enough. There are legalities - power of attorney, trusts, ... that have to be put in place. Unless your father's been declared mentally incompetent, there's still time to get something done.

If your father isn't private pay - on Medicaid or VA - his money has to be used for his nursing home room/services. That he's giving it to you isn't legal. Shame on the bank manager; they should know better.

Get an elder law attorney ASAP and get this untangled so you and your father can have some peace.

Your post makes absolutely no sense at all to me. Nothing in life is free. Hire a lawyer if you haven’t spent all of your dad’s money.