Would it be inappropriate for me to ask that in lieu of being paid for caregiving services, I'm given free living accommodations?

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L

laydbond Asked February 15, 2024

Would it be inappropriate for me to ask that in lieu of being paid for caregiving services, I'm given free living accommodations?

History: 1yr ago I moved into elderly friend’s (Mary, 84) house who let me stay at low rent ($300) for light housekeeping services and to be home most nights so she not alone. She has some chronic illnesses and is elderly at 84. She gets around OK, but is always in fear of falling (I get that). Situation that worked for both of us.

Now: 6mo later (or 6mo ago) she went to the hospital with really low, oxygen levels. Almost didn't make it home, but was released home under hospice type care. Doesn’t "want to be in a nursing facility" (i get that too). Her situation demands 3-person care (myself, daughter & son also now living with us). we all get along great, but my duties have increased to a 3day/3night hands on and 4 days off (the daughter and son split other 4 days -- we all agreed). We’ve been doing this for 6mo and it doesn't look like it's going to end soon. Mary is holding her own and I am glad for that, for her.

My question: WOULD IT BE WRONG OF ME to not pay rent as my duties have increased. Not to mention my stress? How do I go about requesting that from the daughter / son (who are taking care of Mary's finances)? I didn't originally sign up for the exhaustive sleepless nights on top of working my day job I have always had. This could go on for another year, or more. i care for Mary dearly and low rent is a good deal, but I’m not sure the stress is really worth it. NO rent, I might consider staying a little longer. Hope this doesn't sound greedy. I care enough to stay and help regardless, but it is affecting my life and that's a concern too.

P.S. Did I mention Mary's daughter is a good friend of mine... if that makes any difference? Thank you. Any advice would be largely appreciated.

Family Caregiver Paying for Care Relationships Working Caregiver

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score 2 · Answer 1

Talk to Mary’s daughter and let her know how you feel. Ask her about changing the conditions of your situation. If she declines, you can decide if it is worth your involvement or if you need to go elsewhere. Either way you will know.

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score 1 · Answer 2

Mary could live many more years. You need to decide if you want to stay there if she lives well into her 90s or even longer.

If I'm reading this correctly, Mary gets 24/7 care from you because you live in and you pay her $300 rent for the privilege of taking care of her. Then someone's son and daughter live there, and they help. Are they Mary's relatives or yours? Are they paying Mary to live there also?

The reason I ask is that there's a potential for them to be paid for their caregiving, and if you are compensated, they should be too.

Mary's needs will increase, and if you think it's hard now, you'll be stressed to the max as her health declines. Please think this over very carefully and start thinking of a way out.

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score 3 · Answer 3

Laydbond, three days and three nights is 72 hours of work per week. At 20 bucks an hour, you’d make 1440 per week. This must be quite some room for $5600 worth of labor plus the $300 you’re actually paying THEM.

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score 4 · Answer 4

You should be getting paid to care for Mary.
Your rent is a completely different "contract"
If you figure caregiving expense would probably be between $25.00 and $30.00 per hour maybe more depending on where you live.
If you are "working" a "normal" day of 8 hours (not even going to get into the wage laws you need to consult your particular State) At $25.00 per hour an 8 hour day would be $200. That is 1 day!
It is not legal to exchange caregiving for room and board. Indentured servitude is against the law. (but technically since you do not even have a contract you are not "indentured" it is just working for no pay.)
What happens when Mary dies or is placed in a Skilled Nursing facility? What happens to you, where do you go? What savings do you have? What contributions to Social Security have you made that will allow you to collect later?
PLEASE get a valid working contract!

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score 2 · Answer 5

Mary’s physical issues and need for care have changed in the last 6 months. They will probably change more in the next 6 months or year. Rather than just ask for more money or cheaper rent, it would probably be better if Mary and all the rest of you sit down and make a plan for the future. You might get a knowledgeable friend with an aged care background to sit in with you, and bring out some of the options – including the normal rates for paid carers.

Whatever you agree, it needs to be set down in writing and signed all round. There is no chance of you getting compensation later, if it hasn’t been agreed in advance – and you need evidence of the agreement, hence ‘in writing’, and not just writing by you. You might want to put a time limit on the agreement, because things will change in future. If you set a time for review, it doesn’t sound like you are always grasping for more.

You are drifting into a position that you may regret a lot, later. The site regularly has posts from people who have spent the last good 10 years of their lives doing something that they later regret. Often they expected a financial “thank you” from the estate, and it very very rarely turns out like that. There may be alternatives to just walking out, but you need to plan them carefully.

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score 3 · Answer 6

Tell the family that sadly you have no way, doing this care, to work enough to make your rent, and you can continue only with a contract that allows you to be paid what you are being paid and to live rent free, esp if you are the "night shift".

If they cannot do that then you may need to seek employment and discontinue the care.
You will have to be proactive in saying what you need, and do get it in writing and paid on time.

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score 6 · Answer 7

Mary needs to be in a facility. You are being taken advantage of. Please find a place to live and a job that pays you a living wage. I can guarantee you that as soon as Mary dies you will be thrown out on your proverbial rear end from that house quicker than you can say Carolina and your good friend won't bat an eye about nor feel bad.

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