I have POA for mom 84 yr.'s old. She denies asking for help. Evenings she is mean, tries to leave despite the ability to barely walk, combative.

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pdollar Asked February 21, 2024

I have POA for mom 84 yr.'s old. She denies asking for help. Evenings she is mean, tries to leave despite the ability to barely walk, combative.

What can I do? She has fallen, accuses me of making her fall when I try to help. She clearly has some form of dementia, holding babies, calling her dad (dead 50 years) repeating the same question, event 100 times, thinks her sisters house is right next door. We sold her house, she agreed. Now denies it all.

where do I start? She does not have money for assisted living

Alzheimer's & Dementia Care Decisions Dementia Behaviors Paying for Care Power of Attorney (POA)

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score 1 · Answer 1

Well, you are POA. So just be certain that the legalities are properly done. You will know that you at this point are responsible for every penny in and every penny out of your mother's accounts. I hope you are properly registered at POA with her Bank and accounts hold her profits from her home for her care.

Next step is diagnosis. As POA you are allowed to speak with her doctor or with APS to find out how to get her transported for proper diagnostic workup. If this is to hospital, then I would enlist the help of social workers at once to get her evaluated for placement. She will be self pay for some time, so hopefully will be accepted by a good memory care. She may be needing evaluation for anything from UTIs to dementias, and she may require medications.

I wish you the best.

Helpful Answer (1)

Thank you for responding. Based upon all the replies, my sister and I are doing those things! Just overwhelming!

how one day your sweet little Mother turns from joyous to telling us "I hate you, you have ruined my life". I'm not crazy, you just want my money.

the next morning saying I love you girls! Don't know what I would do without you helping me!!

her net worth less that $100 thousand from her home!

nobody would put up with that, if it wasn't for LOVE.

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score 4 · Answer 2

Have you discussed Mom's evening behaviour with her Doctor?

Evening time is a common time for distress. Fatigue, changes in vision making shadows appear strange & frightening, dehydration, many different causes. Sometimes if no other reason found but cognitive decline/dementia it gets labeled 'Sundowner Syndrome'.

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Thank you for responding. Yes I've spoke with her doctor. He gave us medications, said He was there if we needed him

just overwhelming!!

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score 4 · Answer 3

If she sold her house , where did the money go ? You say she has no money for assisted living .
There is usually a 5 year look back in order to get Medicaid .

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We sold her house. Her profit was not tons due to the house needed lots of work and she did not have the funds to repair. I placed the profits in her checking account that my sister and I are on to help her with bills. We did not add ourself until over the last year. During her early dementia 2020 she received life insurance from my dad's death of 2019. We found out later, she had spent thousands of dollars on shoes, purses, wasteful stuff! It was in 2023 that I moved her with me after I found out her live in sitter was using her debit card without approval.

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score 4 · Answer 4

Hi pdollar
Have you considered Medicaid for a NH placement?
Ask her doctor for calming meds to help her in the evenings.
See a certified elder attorney to help get mom placed.
If this is new behavior be sure to have her checked for a UTI as the symptoms can mimic dementia.
I’m sorry she and you are so stressed.

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I have spoke to her physician he has given her calming meds, it works some. He said take care of her as long as we can then we would talk skilled facility. Thank you so much for responding!! It means so much to know others out there can share same issues.

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I have POA for mom 84 yr.'s old. She denies asking for help. Evenings she is mean, tries to leave despite the ability to barely walk, combative.

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