My 83 year old mother has had a steady cognitive decline over the past few years. It's recently gotten bad enough that I've taken on all of her financial responsibilities as her power of attorney. During this transition I have uncovered that my older brother has been asking her for significant amounts of money over the past 10 years, which she has given him. In the last four months she has given him over $50k in cash and he's used her credit card for over $8k in unauthorized purchases.
She told us that he won't leave her alone and pressures her to the point where she just gives in and gives him the money. She will not press charges for the credit card theft and just doesn't want to confront him in any way.
I should add that we recently found out that he and his wife are in significant financial trouble for unpaid taxes. His house is now part of a lawsuit brought on by the federal government and he's been pressuring our mother to take out a mortgage on her home so they can pay off the debt.
I have taken over her bank accounts and now have some control over her liquid assets but he is relentlessly coming after her for money. Is there anything that can be done to stop the harassment? Can he be reported to an agency that would actually take action? The main problem I'm running into is that she always gives in and sends him the money. Her family, friends, and attorney are all telling her to stop but she won't. She won't because it's the only way he'll stop harassing her.
I am in the process of moving my mother into an assisted living arrangement, but I feel like she's under constant attack from my brother asking for more money which is causing her a lot of undue stress and anxiety.
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If the POA needsca doctor to claim her incompetent, take her to a lawyer and have it changed that she wants you to handle her money now.
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You can take your case to an attorney (this is not the domain of the police) and see what you'd need to press charges against him, but you'll need to first prove that she had dementia and so didn't know what she was doing.
You can get a restraining order and block his number from her phone.
Now if your mother is not incompetent and she has the money and control of the money then she is free to give it to whomever she wants. So I would see to it that you and she go to an attorney now and arrange all the accounts so you are in control and she has an allowance fund. She can then give it to him or use it on Home Shopping Network; up to her.
If you don't do this the brother will get the money.
My brother, when he was diagnosed with probable early Lewy's set everything up this way with myself as Trustee and POA and him having an account with 1,000.00 for spending.
You know I am certain, all about meticulous record keeping and how to put yourself on accounts not as co owner, but as POA, and how to sign as her POA. If not, the opportunity at the attorney's office is a learning experience as well.
Other ideas to pick and choose from as you see fit:
You could keep the established credit card and just ask the company for a new number as long as you keep possession of the card.
You could open a new separate checking account with only a small amount of money in it if she needs/wants the ability to write checks.
You could put all her bills on autopay directly from her bank accounts, eliminating the need for checks that could be stolen or made out to brother completely.
A thought is if your POA is activated you may have a fiduciary duty to at least report any thefts your brother commits from that time forward, whether your mom will press charges or not. Definitely would spend the money on an attorney and find out exactly what your rights and your responsibilities are.