Last night’s adventure: Urinary incontinence.

Oedgar, have you read "Never Simple" by Liz Scheier?

You might find it instructive.

Oedgar, I'll try to be kind here.

Your mom, while mentally ill (that's the backstory, right?), is competent and isn't prone to give your very valid opinions any weight.

If you had your druthers, you'd get mom a better PCP and address her physical and psychiatric issues in a way that wasn't piecemeal. Mom won't allow that to happen.

The kindest, most effective thing you can do is step back and call 911 when she calls with an emergency.

I am 70 and in good health. I would never, EVER try to move a stove myself. She is creating chaos. Don't participate.

Often the elder is more excited about having something to complain about than fixing the issue. At that point you just tell her if she refuses to talk to the doctor about this there is nothing YOU can do and the subject needs to be closed. My father would want me to solve his problems but anything that I said that required HIM to do anything was dismissed. She caused her issue by moving the stove, if she is well enough to do that she is well enough to call her doctor on it. Keep putting it back on her to solve.

Your mother is bent on causing herself and YOU the most chaos and pain humanly possible. I think if it were me, I'd step back and quit listening to her "refusing" this that and the other thing. Tell her to only contact you when and if she's ready to stop all the nonsense and start getting the medical help she needs. Let her fail. Then she'll get placed, finally, and become somebody else's problem.

91 is considered a good oxygen level....anything over 90 is, actually. If mom can't breathe, believe me when I tell you she WILL ask for medical help. If she does have COPD, there are inhalers available to help. My BIL was 71 when he fell over in the Wal Mart parking lot and died. He was a smoker with COPD who refused to stop or address the matter at all. But he died on HIS terms, so we took some solace in that.

You can't care more about mom than she cares about herself, is the bottom line I think. Moving stoves in her condition is beyond ridiculous. I have very serious spinal issues but worse in the lumbar spine. The docs are always asking me if I'm incontinent, which I'm not. There is a link between lower back issues and incontinence so an MRI is in order if this issue does not resolve on its own. But Depends work well too.

I hate what you're going thru with mom, it's frustrating and thankless. Why not step back and let her carry on as she sees fit? Next time she has a crisis, call 911 for her. Maybe a few trips to the ER will document her inability to live alone and her need for managed care.

Given the suddenness of this, and the fact it happened after this moving of the stove, I would guess at an injury. They can't always find it with or without an MRI. Spinal cord injuries OFTEN affect the bladder. With a back already so beset with injury would be hard to comb out this problem's cause.
Look up neurogenic bladder.
And, sure, see the specialist, as this is common in the elderly overall, but I think it is likely connected to the spine.
If so, not a whole awful lot to be done about it.

I am surprised that overall with all the diagnoses here that Mom is still not qualifying and I think I would hire on a nurse manager to get access.
You might want to research NPAF.org for independent board certified patinet advocates for help with medical access.

In most states Medicaid only covers LTC, which is assessed as necessary by her doctor and usually means one is bedridden or requires profound daily medical attention. You can consult with a Medicaid Planner for your home state to see what will be required medically and financially, as well as what the "look back" period is.

Does she do her own laundry? If not, you can remove all of her cloth undies and replace them with only disposable briefs.

I'm sorry you are going through all of this but you have the option to step away and allow her county social services to deal with her. Sometimes the best solution is the least bad option.

A back injury can cause incontinence. I would call her back doctor Monday. They will probably have her come in as it could be a pinched nerve affecting the bladder. Is she still suffering back and hip pain or just the incontinence?

Also adding… (the edit function never seems to save my replies)…. I am pretty sure she has COPD. At urgent care her O2 sat was 91. I’ve been hearing her wheeze more the last couple months. Her PCP only focuses on her urgent neck issue and pain pills.Occasionally orders labs. That’s it. When we went to the ER, the PA had barely listened to her and said “Does she have COPD?” Mother replied no. I said I think she has it but it’s never been addressed. And mother said she doesn’t want it addressed. I later asked her is this because she doesn’t want anything making her stop smoking and go on oxygen and she said yes. And also that she does not want to live like her O2 depenant friend does. I truly don’t care if her COPD is treated , except for the fact that at some point it’s going to cause her more decline which I’ll have to deal with. But I feel. This is all a gradual path to a nursing home. And infection, pneumonia, exacerbation.