Telling mom about dad’s death.

My parents have been divorced for 50 years, and have lived 2000 miles apart ever since (Mom’s choice, leaving my then 12-yr-old sister behind with Dad). My mother (89yrs old, with dementia) has NEVER ceased to be bitter and hostile towards him. Dad, 90, remarried happily decades ago, was a sturdy, hale old man until a few months ago, when a sudden cascade of liver, gallbladder, and cardiac issues knocked him flat. He went into hospice care three weeks ago, and died - peacefully, at home, with pets and family at his side - two days ago. When dad first fell ill, my sister told mom of it, and she said “well, that’s not fair when it’s me who wants to die.” I spent a week with Dad after his hospital stay, and mom’s acid response was “would have been nice if anyone had come to help me when I was sick.” I drove 2000 miles twice to help her during her illness, and my brother flew in from abroad twice as well. Well, now Dad is gone. We are grieving, and no one wants to tell mom. We simply do not want to hear whatever nasty, spiteful thing she is likely to say. Any thoughts on how we should / can convey the news, and how to cope if it gets ugly? Dad had a great life and a good death; it wasn’t unexpected, and we are mostly okay, but are just dreading dealing with her in the midst of our own sorrow…