My mother tells me that she doesn’t want me to be her medical Power of Attorney every time she becomes angry at me.

Say thank you, and walk away. 😆

With POA being used more often I think those being assigned need to sign off they except the responsibility. I had my Moms and now my nephews. I was there when the POAs were written up and neither time was I asked to sign I excepted.

If Mom does assign you, just call the lawyer and refuse the assignment. Actually, there is really nothing with Medical. Its not in effect unless the person is considered incompetent to make decisions. All you do is make sure Doctors and Nurses are aware of the directive, gives u the ability to talk to Doctors and Nurses, and you make decisions not covered in the directive.

Whoever Mom makes her Financial POA should also be her Medical POA. You just tell her u do not want Medical POA. Ends that argument right there.

Momma has said this too. One time my husband and I were over at momma's house and out of the blue momma throws her hands on her hips and says "you know I can change my POA to somebody else beside you!". I looked at her and said "well we can drive down to the attorney's office right now. Go put your lipstick on!". She backed down. Here recently she keeps telling me during our conversations that the money in her trust is hers not mine. I am financial POA and trustee. I told her I don't want it. She can have it! I have been doing this for almost fourteen years and have been treated horrible by my family including her. If she wants somebody else to do it then she needs to go to the attorney and change it! I will drive her down to his office. Then she backs down again. I don't know if this is just her? You know what I mean or she could be getting pressure from bro. Him and his wife are always trying to create drama to get money.

Of course you can refuse to be her MPOA! Tell her you're not interested.

Being a POA, MPOA, whatever, is a difficult job in most cases. Being a joint POA or MPOA is even worse because you have to agree with the other person(s) on everything. The danger here is that you tell mom you don't want those jobs, but somehow you end up sharing them with your brother. Don't do that!

Don't allow her to abuse you verbally any more. This change in you will likely make you her unfavorite person of all time (unless you already are). People like her always need someone to abuse - it's how they are wired.

If you're not around, she'll find someone else to dominate with her anger. So if I were you, I'd stay away. Like forever. And there's no reason to feel guilty about that. Some people are toxic, and you have the right to protect yourself from them.

I don’t know how common it is but I always felt like my mom favored her sons. She babied them and expected a lot from me.

Looking back, I am glad that she didn’t baby me because I learned to take care of myself. Still, every kid notices when parents play favorites. My dad didn’t treat me like I was less than my brothers, nor did my grandparents or aunts and uncles.

If my mom was confronted by anyone about her treatment of me, she always denied it and said that she treated all of her children the same. My aunt, her sister would occasionally say something to her and she became offended instead of owning her behavior.

Yeah, whatever…became my response, because we don’t have the power to change how people perceive things or how they behave.

You are free to make your own decisions in life. I recommend that you choose whatever brings you peace. Life is too short to be miserable.

By the way, you’re not responsible for your mother’s misery. If she doesn’t accept your decisions gracefully, oh well…

“Sounds great, Mom! I’ll call my attorney in the morning and let him know that I’m DONE!”

Then, do it.

You don’t have to be hostage to abuse.

You deserve better!

Resign.
Why in the WORLD would you EVER consider being POA for such an ungrateful woman.
You can, yes, refuse to be POA. Once you take on the duty it is necessary to resign, but if you never performed it you can simply refuse.

Let her make the brother her POA and STAY AWAY FROM HER.
In fact, my advice to you is to move 1,000 miles away from her, and send an occasional lovely card.

I would not do all the work involved in being MPOA for someone who was abusive. Resign.