Can you have your spouse held liable for elderly abuse? I'm 49 (almost 50) and completely disabled?

Do you have any friends or family that can come get you out of that abusive household? You say you can't leave because you will lose everything?? YOU HAVE ALREADY LOST with a man like that, sometimes it has to get worse before things get better. Get out of there, like you said if you leave you will lose everything so then you will probably be eligible for many services including housing because you are a disabled abused woman. One person here said go the ER, well if things get really bad that is one way to go about it, you can claim your household is not safe to return too and social services can intervene. BUT, if you decide to go back to him, you will end up back where you started and perhaps even worse. You have to want to leave and no one else can make you. Disability or not no one has the right to abuse you, you have this mentally that you need him in order to survive, well you don't.

I assume your DH is about your age and that neither of you are living your finer moments. I assume you aren’t in harms way at the moment or your request would be for something besides getting your spouse in trouble.

If you are in need of medical attention, then what Alva suggested will get you that.

I can only imagine how difficult being totally disabled must be. If you are trying to keep from losing something by not leaving your home then you are in the best position to know what that is worth to you.

A totally disabled person who is living with an abuser may not be allowed to stay in their home. You are not considered an elder at 49, almost 50 but a totally disabled person would be eligible for assistance. Contact the Area Agency on Aging to see what services, if any, they have available for you. And APS is also a good resource to find what help is available. Though they are generally most helpful for those under 18 (CPS) or over 62, but they can explain that to you. Your area may be different as services are not the same in every region.
If your husband had help, he might be better able to manage but left as you describe sounds like he is beyond burned out. It is very difficult to be a caregiver of even the most beloved and we all have our moments.

I’m sorry for your circumstances.

Depending on your disability, there may be a specific organisation for it (eg MS or Stroke organisations).

They may understand your disability better & maybe able to mediate (or arrange an advocate) with APS & for benefits on your behalf.

What's your aim?

To get the care you need?

Or make your husband provide it?

If you need this much care you need to know you are now looking for not a husband, but a caregiver. Clearly this man is not up to that. And clearly, given how he speaks to you, there is not a whole lot of love lost here.
You tell us that you are completely disabled, and in need of nearly total care, yet you are still "fighting for disability".

It is time to discuss with your doctor the fact that you are trapped now in an abusive situation.
You have several courses of action:
1. Call 911 when hubby is gone from house. Have them take you to ER. As you describe yourself as completely disabled, it will be easy for you to make up some dire circumstance, but "chest pain, pressure in my chest " always works. Add in a little "short of breath, nauseated, pain radiating to my arms" to insure you are headed for ER.

2. Once you are in ER you can say you think the pain is from all the anxiety you are going through and that you are trapped at home with an abusive man.
They are mandated reporters.
Tell them you cannot return home.
And you are IN. You will be put in care of some kind and this will allow you access to social workers who can help with placement for you, and with applications to medicaid if required, and disability will also be worked on.

I wish you luck.
Remember:
Step one is get to ER.
Step two is telling mandated reporters you are disabled and being abused.

I hope you will update us.

Disability is not easy to get. You are usually turned down once. Thats when you get a SS lawyer. They are not allowed to charge you upfront. They get paid a % from the retro money u receive. They are paid by SS and you get the balance. Retro is determined by when you first applied and the time you are OKd by SS. If thats a year and your entitled to $500 a month, retro will be about 6k with 25% of that going to the lawyer.

I have to agree with Burnt that you may qualify for LTC. Better than living like u do. Call APS.

Besides calling Adult Protective Services, you can also call 211 to see what services are available in your city to help you get out of this very abusive relationship and living conditions.
There is help out there, but you have to be strong enough to really want it.
So make those phone calls right now!
I hope and pray that you will.

If you are completely disabled to the point where you are dependent on another person to wipe and wash you, there would be no fight involved for you to get disability.
Clearly, you are leaving out a lot of important details in your story.

Seriously though, if you are so disabled that you are invalid and need someone to clean you, feed you, and do everything else you belong in a nursing home.

If your husband avoids even talking to you he's sending a pretty clear message that he does not want you in his life anymore and does not want to be your caregiver.

You can do what has been suggested here and call APS for yourself and they can help you get into a care facility that can meet your needs. You deserve to have decent and adequate care. That's a human right in my opinion. Your husband does not have to be the one who provides it though.

You should APS (Adult Protective Services) for your county and tell them your dilemma and see what they suggest. You can find that number online under Social Services / Dept of Health.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. You can also call a local church to see if they have a Care Ministry (you don't have to be a member or believer) -- but a church is only to fill a brief gap. You need a long-term plan.

Are you alread a Medicaid recipient? If so, you may qualify for full-time facility care... a social worker can help you with this.