99-year-old mom with dementia broke her hip. Opinions?

Thank you all for your advice and ideas! Glad I found this group! We did go with surgery, and she came through fine. The deciding factor for us was without surgery she would be bed ridden and in pain (of course hospice would take care of that), but she is very good shape and healthy except for the dementia. She got up every morning, dressed herself, made her bed, and cleaned her room.
again, thanks and I'll keep you posted!

What is there to lose here?
She cannot live with a broken hip.
She was active.

She well may not survive the surgery, but she CERTAINLY will not survive the lack of it.
I don't see the choice. We don't at this point allow people to live with broken limbs that can be mended. Were this a cancer, a kidney failure, a heart failure I would call in hospice, as these organs cannot be fixed. A broken limb can.

I do want you to understand that the surgery itself may lead to hospice if she survives. Some cannot tolerate anesthesia at this age. Blood clots and poor healing and failure of major organ systems are a risk.

Get the recommendations of several doctors; her own doctor and a surgeon. Fully discuss.
Also ask her for her own wishes. I can imagine she is in quite a lot of pain now. But hopefully she will give you some idea. Be honest with her that a failure to not have surgery does mean death almost certainly, and no little pain (which can be addressed).
Your and her decision not an easy one, and I am so sorry.
I am 81. There's LOTS I won't do now, node testing, chemo, radiation, dialysis, tube feedings, etc. But I WILL do other things, such as surgical removal of a tumor, repair of a broken bone, and so on.
At this age am down to the "What-I-will-do-and-what-I-won't" stage of life.

I know that the OP's dilemma is resolved and that the mum has coped well with surgery, but I wanted to say to anyone else - do whatever is necessary to relieve pain.
If a surgery will lessen everyday pain then it should be undertaken, even if the procedure could lead to an acceleration of dementia. Chronic and extreme pain also leads to confusion and contributes to a deterioration of cognitive abilities, anyway, so the risk may as well be taken.
Quality of life is more important than quantity, and pain robs you of that.

If they can do surgery without general anesthesia --they can use a spinal and sedation, I'd do it to keep her out of pain.

You could do both.
That is what eventually happened with my Husband. I stopped in at the Hospice building and asked about Hospice and how I would know when he would qualify.
BUT he had already had the surgery AND...this is the biggie...he went through rehab AND participated.
If your mom can not participate in rehab there does not seem to make sense to put her through the surgery.
On average though a Hospice patient with a broken hip that is not repaired will die within the 6 month time frame.

Some things to think about.
Surgery is tough at any age but at 99 it is going to be very difficult that I think is the biggest thing to think about.

She WILL decline due to the anesthesia.
MC probably will not accept her if she is not mobile.
She WILL decline more when she is moved to Rehab, Skilled Nursing or MC. ANY move will result in a decline. As will the hospital stay for the surgery.
If she CAN NOT or WILL NOT participate in rehab there is no sense to put her through the surgery.
What is her cognition now? Does she understand the options? Have you talked previously about Health Care choices? End of Life, and "life saving measures" i.e., DNR, Feeding Tube, Intubation? If you have discussed this in the past or she has made comments those are your guide posts in making decisions. (within reason)
I hope this is now as clear as mud...😂 all serious now when making decisions you always have to weigh the Benefit VS Burden and you have to make the best decision you can with the facts that you have. If you do that then decisions are coming from the Head and not the Heart. Those are the tough decisions.

My friend's mother had a hip replacement at age 97. She lived to 101. She didn't move around much and had dementia by the time she died, but all in all, things worked out well. I hope your mom recovers well.

Broken hip hurts immensely! Please allow her to get surgery and rehab afterwards.

It is often a fall that will be the final straw for an elderly person and cause their demise.
Putting a 99 year old person through surgery that will only cause her dementia to worsen sounds rather cruel and inhumane to me.
If it were me, I would want my family to put me under hospice care where they would keep me pain free and let me live out my days around my loved ones.
But that's me. Has your mom ever discussed before her dementia what her final wishes were? If she had, that should help make your decision a little easier.
Know that even if you choose to have surgery for your mom that she will more than likely never walk again anyway, and will be completely bedridden, so I'm not sure any of that is worth putting a 99 year old women through.
I would instead just keep her pain free until she leaves this world for the next.

And on a side note, of course the doctor is suggesting surgery as all the majority of them think about is money any more, and not what is in the best interest of the patient.
Why don't you ask them if it was their mother what would they suggest and why?

I wonder the same thing! My mom can no longer communicate. The ALF recently called me thinking she had a stroke and asked if I wanted an ambulance to go to ER. Once there, the doctor asked me what I wanted them to do. He said if they ran tests and found the cause I would have to agree on treatment (surgery or whatever). He said if she’s not a surgical candidate then they won’t run any tests, so what did I want them to do? I didn’t know what to say! I simply answered I didn’t want her to be in pain with a trembling voice and tears. I think he felt terrible and ordered bloodwork. It turned out to be a UTI and antibiotics were all that was needed. But it was the moment I realized that at this late stage of the game the options are very limited when a problem arises that under normal circumstances could be treated. I’m so sorry you’re facing that!

Your mother cannot walk with a broken hip and lying in a bed for 6 weeks in pain will be devastating to her.

My mother broke her hip when she was 91 and her surgery went very well. She was able to stand within hours of surgery and is still with me at 97 years old.

The anesthesia cause some confusion for awhile but it would be heartless to leave her in pain.