Anyone else experiencing or experienced this?

I will say my mother is much like yours, I've been taking care of her for 4 yrs, and it's been rough, really rough at times. But now that my mom is declining in health and mentally, I can honestly can say I don't regret it.

We did have good times, and I grew , learned a lot about caregiving, and patience.

But I wish I new more about setting boundaries, dementia ECT. So if you do decide to not cut her off be smarter than me , don't have high expectations that she will see the light and be nice, do set boundaries, and learn a lot about dementia.

But do what's best for you!!

Sadly, narcissism is exacerbated when a LO ages and more so if she has dementia. You, as the caretaker, will receive the full brunt of her blame and accusations of stealing her stuff, etc., etc. I know about this kind of behavior firsthand. The only way to save your sanity and your health is to do what you and your siblings have done, and that is to walk away from the toxicity. It’s time to put your mother in a nursing home and you and your siblings can visit her whenever it’s convenient for you.

I’m urging you to do what’s right to save your health and your sanity from being ruined by your narcissistic mother. Put your mother in a nursing home and just move on and enjoy YOUR life.

".. suddenly she has become extremely needy".

I'm wondering if she cannot cope.
Is no linger really completely independant?

Would you like to give examples?

"Liar"
Could this be not UNDERSTANDING what people said or did?

"She also is the victim.."
Being the victim can be a way of (indirectly) asking for help, of seeking a rescuer. Again, from someone not coping.

She could have had a new heath condition/event that has lessened her coping skills.

If mother truly has dementia, as stated in your profile, of course she's "needy" and shouldn't be living alone and/or ignored by her children for being difficult and confabulating stories! Her mental health is seriously compromised right now, so before you focus on protecting yours, read up about dementia so you can get mom the help she needs to keep her safe. THEN you can back off and deal with your own needs once you know she's safe. Same goes for your siblings.

None of this is easy, I know. I had a very difficult mother myself who only became more difficult with dementia, which is typical of how a broken mind operates. It's no longer cooperative at all, but defiant, argumentative and self centered. My mother said SUCH horrible things to me as her mind deteriorated, it was awful. But I kept her safe and well cared for in Memory Care Assisted Living w/o doing the hands on care myself.

Pick up a copy of the book Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon so you can learn about dementia and how to deal with mother and cope with her behaviors.

Once you understand more about the mechanisms of dementia, you'll stop taking things as personally and be able to focus on getting her help instead. That is my hope for you and your siblings.

Best of luck to you.

If your mother has any of the dementias(as your profile indicates), what you are describing is common to them all.
So instead of avoiding your mother perhaps it's time that you and your siblings all better educate yourselves about the horrific disease of dementia, so you will all be better prepared for what lies ahead for your mother.
Someone with a broken brain can no longer be responsible for what they say or how they act, as it is now the disease talking.
And it's so important that we meet people where they're at in the disease, not where we'd like them to be.

If you choose to help her take her to Urgent Care of the ER to test for a UTI. It can create the behaviors you are describing, and worsen dementia symptoms that they may already have. Gets treated with antibiotics so someone will need to make sure she takes her course of meds.

I find that for the most part, if a person is kind when they are younger, they remain kind.

If they were always rude and mean. Then why would anyone expect them to suddenly change their behavior?

Unless dementia is involved, then behavior changes will occur in any personality.

Wishing you all the best.

Yes , that was my mom around 75. She was always controlling, 70s hit and it got much worse, she is now 87 and undiagnosed dementia. I suspect vascular dementia, she has had high blood pressure most of my life, and been taking meds for it since probably 50. She broke a hip in her late 70s , seemed to of gotten worse after that, could of been the effects of putting her under. Then she seemed to pretty much just stay her grumpy narcissist self for a long time, the last 6 months has gotten a lot worse

Also after her hip, her logic kind of went away. Trying to explain to her that my dad shouldn't be driving, was a complete lost cause, even though my father agreed , she didn't and pushed him to drive.

I surely wouldn't expect an elder to improve with age. The experience doesn't make us better.

Luckylibra25, your profile says your Mom has Alzheimer's/Dementia so it could be part of that progression. Or it could be your Mom has an Urinary Tract Infection [UTI]. Your Mom's doctor can have her do a test for UTI [pee in a cup] or even an Urgent Care can run the test and have the results while you wait.

UTI's can cause all types of unusual behaviors in older people.