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flucco Asked April 5, 2024

What if mom wants to go back home?

Mom is currently in an apartment in my brother's home. She insists on going back to her house, but we know it is not safe.


Can we legally prevent mom from going back home? And if we did let her go home, and something happens... are we responsible? My brother does have a POA in place. Although mom's memory is declining, she hasn't completely lost her faculties yet. It's difficult.

AlvaDeer Apr 5, 2024
You will need to discuss with Mom and her MD --rather her POA does, regarding getting this POA enforced.

You will find few with dementia who are not in some modicum of denial.
She is grieving her loss and moves are exceptionally difficult.
I would allow some time for adapting.

She is either competent to make her own decision and live safely, or she is NOT, and that will depend on the outcome of neuro-pschc evals.

Geaton777 Apr 5, 2024
Have your brother read the PoA document to see what authority he has and what is needed to activate it. Is he both medical and financial PoA? Both of those will be needed to begin managing her affairs if she is no longer safe at home.

Sometimes, when an elderly person says they want to go home -- if they have dementia -- they are often referring to the home of their youth. This is called Sundowning. But you can't assume this if your Mother hasn't had a medical test for it. She may just legitimately want to go back to her apartment.

First, your Mom needs an accurate diagnosis and then this will inform her PoA of what to do. You can consider having social services come in and do a needs assessment and test her ADLs. This will tell you if you should allow her to stay by herself at her apartment.

What was she doing that you felt was unsafe for her? Someone doesn't have to have "completely" lost their faculties to be incapable of living by themselves anymore. My MIL had *only* short-term memory loss and wasn't able to put together any type of meal (she forgot how to use the microwave) so she had to go into AL.

Yes, it is difficult. She won't like it and this is totally understandable.

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