I find it a bit odd that you're asking a bunch of strangers how to "reach out" to your own husband. Have you not had anyone ever die in your life before that you don't know how to act? A good rule of thumb with all things is to just think about how you would want to be treated if it were your mom that died and then act accordingly. It's not rocket science. Just let the man you love know that you're there for him in what ever way he needs you to be.
I was shopping in Wal Mart about 4 years ago when my cell phone rang. It was a detective thinking I was my sister in law with the same name. He was hemming and hawing about something and I finally asked what was going on?? My husband's brother fell down dead in the Wal Mart parking lot in another town and the detective was calling to tell me the news. I was shocked, but concerned about my husband and how he would take the news.
I rushed home. I sat him down and told him what happened. He was quite upset, we both were. So I hugged him tight and we both cried. Same when we had to call his sister in the hospital who died from being put on a ventilator for no good reason with covid in 2021. We couldn't visit her, so the priest held the phone up to her comatose ear so we could say our goodbyes. After we hung up, we clung to each other and cried for a very long time.
Did you not know your mother in law? Are you totally unaffected by her passing? If not, when dh comes home, hug him with all your might and CRY TOGETHER.
This is your husband. How in the world could you imagine WE could guide you in what HE, who you know so well, needs? I don't understand your question at all. I am sorry for the loss you two have just sustained.
I am going to assume you meant the question as to how you can help him.
So, my husband's mom died with no warning. Was 79, had a massive stroke. When he went to check on her, he found her on the floor with a small puddle of blood out of her mouth. She had probably been dead for hours. We'd had dinner last week and everything was fine. The shock was epic. Neither one of us had lost a parent before. And the sight of finding his dead mom, the paramedics trying to revive her when it was too late... that is burned into his mind forever.
My husband is usually the one being strong for me, but I had to be strong for him. I didn't even cry that night because I couldn't fall apart; he needed me. One important thing was for me to not tell him I know how he feels, because I didn't. I've had painful losses, but I've not yet lost a parent. It made me feel even more helpless. His friends who had experienced such loss were there for him and offered to listen if he needed to talk. He never did. He knew people meant well but it became harder to hear the "I'm so sorry" and "What can I do?". There was nothing anyone could do, because no one could bring his mom back. He is way more extroverted than me, but for a few weeks I was the one talking to people more. He just didn't want the sad faces from people.
A few months later, I was cooking dinner, and he walked up to me and started to cry. Said he missed Mom. I held on to him and told him to let it out. It's been over two years now and he still doesn't talk about it really. Just kind of accepted it and moved on. All I could do was to be around if he needed me.
My husbands Mom died but he took it in stride. She was 92. He is not an emotional man. Some people want people around, others like to be alone. You should know ur husband.
Just be there for him, but give him space too. I think my reaction would be to hover over him, my husbands reaction would be to just be alone and go into his shell, sence he is a cancer horoscope. So just give him what he needs, I know mine would need some space to just go outside and chop some wood, or change some tires.
12 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Have you not had anyone ever die in your life before that you don't know how to act?
A good rule of thumb with all things is to just think about how you would want to be treated if it were your mom that died and then act accordingly.
It's not rocket science. Just let the man you love know that you're there for him in what ever way he needs you to be.
I rushed home. I sat him down and told him what happened. He was quite upset, we both were. So I hugged him tight and we both cried. Same when we had to call his sister in the hospital who died from being put on a ventilator for no good reason with covid in 2021. We couldn't visit her, so the priest held the phone up to her comatose ear so we could say our goodbyes. After we hung up, we clung to each other and cried for a very long time.
Did you not know your mother in law? Are you totally unaffected by her passing? If not, when dh comes home, hug him with all your might and CRY TOGETHER.
My condolences on the loss of your husband's mom.
ADVERTISEMENT
How in the world could you imagine WE could guide you in what HE, who you know so well, needs?
I don't understand your question at all.
I am sorry for the loss you two have just sustained.
I am going to assume you meant the question as to how you can help him.
So, my husband's mom died with no warning. Was 79, had a massive stroke. When he went to check on her, he found her on the floor with a small puddle of blood out of her mouth. She had probably been dead for hours. We'd had dinner last week and everything was fine. The shock was epic. Neither one of us had lost a parent before. And the sight of finding his dead mom, the paramedics trying to revive her when it was too late... that is burned into his mind forever.
My husband is usually the one being strong for me, but I had to be strong for him. I didn't even cry that night because I couldn't fall apart; he needed me. One important thing was for me to not tell him I know how he feels, because I didn't. I've had painful losses, but I've not yet lost a parent. It made me feel even more helpless. His friends who had experienced such loss were there for him and offered to listen if he needed to talk. He never did. He knew people meant well but it became harder to hear the "I'm so sorry" and "What can I do?". There was nothing anyone could do, because no one could bring his mom back. He is way more extroverted than me, but for a few weeks I was the one talking to people more. He just didn't want the sad faces from people.
A few months later, I was cooking dinner, and he walked up to me and started to cry. Said he missed Mom. I held on to him and told him to let it out. It's been over two years now and he still doesn't talk about it really. Just kind of accepted it and moved on. All I could do was to be around if he needed me.
What do you usually do when your husband is going through a difficult time?
Is your husband open with you about his feelings or does he prefer to be alone with his thoughts?
I am sorry for the loss of your mother in law.
Grief affects everyone differently. Your husband will mourn his loss in his own way. Respect however he feels.
We are all entitled to have our own individual opinions on life and death.
Is there anything I can do to help?”