My mother (56) has lived with me and my husband for 2 years now. My mom has multiple sclerosis. She and my dad went through a divorce about 4 years ago. My dad had the house and everything ruled in his favor and he gave my mom a year to move out. She never made any arrangements to move out of their former home and basically had to be forcefully removed and that’s how she ended up with us. At first she was somewhat healthy but now she’s let her health completely deteriorate. She makes no effort at all to keep up with hygiene or to even move out of bed. She has developed bed sores do to her voluntary immobility. She uses a porta toilet because she refuses to walk to the bathroom. She will not let me, my husband, or anyone else try to help her. She has given up on her life completely and is actually determined to just rot in her bed. We still feed her and keep her hydrated but that’s all she will let us do. She has no insurance, no Medicare/Medicaid. Doesn’t even qualify because she basically never worked for her entire life so she doesn’t meet government qualifications. I’m at my wits end and at this point I’m too terrified to ask for any kind of assistance. I feel like me and my husband will be questioned and charged for neglect given her condition. I’ve worked with what I can to maintain her wishes. I have several witnesses that can attest to her denying care. I need her out of my home and somewhere that she can actually get help. I don’t know where to start, I’m terrified. We are in Texas and I don’t know what the law will constitute. She’s not under any kind of custody care in my name, but since she’s lived with us we are unsure what can be held against us.
6 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Here's Texas info on elder abuse: https://www.dfps.texas.gov/Protect_Texas_Adults/elder-abuse/
The longer you wait to get mom help, the more culpable you will be. If she dies in your home in her terrible condition, I suspect that the charges are likely to be worse.
This is hardly comforting, but I'm more concerned about mom than I am your feelings. She's a vulnerable adult and you must find help for her.
I too wonder why a disabled woman who had no work experience got nothing in the divorce. She should be able to apply for Social Security Disability. She maybe able to get Supplimental Income. She should be able to get Medicaid.
Yes, you need to call APS. Tell them Mom is not allowing you to do anything for her. She has bedsores and won't allow u to take her to a Dr. You try to carry out her wishes, but her health is just getting worse. They will evaluate, and probably send her to the hospital and then hopefully rehab. You can refuse to take her back to your home. This maybe easier from Rehab than the hospital. Tell them and APS that you cannot properly take care of her. At this point you may have to allow the State to take over and assign a guardian. This guardian will be responsible for finding a LTC facility for Mom. They will also do maybe the SSD application but definitely the Medicaid one.
Call APS now before things worsen. Your Mom can make decisions for herself so I don't see where you would be brought up on neglect charges. But, bedsores are bad and become septic, which could kill Mom. That then may be considered neglect.
ADVERTISEMENT
Who empties the porta potty? If you and your husband do then you are enabling her behavior. I agree with others who have said call 911 and have her transported to the hospital. Present the evidence you have that she refuses care. Then do not allow her back into your home. I know it sounds harsh, and I’m sorry she’s going through this at such a young age, but you and she cannot continue on like this.
How can you think that your mother brought this on herself by saying "she let this happen".
She just suffered horrific abuse and theft by a husband. Her body has MS. She has bedsores that can kill her. You are very correct in thinking you could be charged with abuse.
Get your mother into the hospital emergently. CALL EMS. BEDSORES KILL.
When your mother is in hospital tell the Social Services she cannot return to your home as you are not capable of caring for her and she will not accept care.
I cannot remember when I last saw a story here this shattering. I don't know how your father was allowed by the law to get by with this utter abuse of his wife.
If EMS will not deliver your mother to care then you need to call APS at once and let them know all you told us, including your fears and your inability to care for your mother. She is broken in mind and in body and that is NOT HER FAULT.
You mother needs immediate help.
I would encourage you to contact APS and report the situation and ask for help. I don't know what responsibility anyone can be held accountable for with a fully, mentally competent adult, so you really want the authorities involved to prove you are trying to get her help.
If your parents were married for more than 10 years, she gets SS and Medicare under dad's benefits, that's how it works for SAHM. She may qualify for disability benefits and medicaid, as long as she is a US citizen. Contact SSA and ask them what she can do, I find they are very helpful.
Keep a diary of all the efforts you make to get her help. That way you can prove that she rotted by choice, no matter how hard you tried to get her to accept help, yours and others.
I will say that she won't be alive very long if she has untreated bedsores, those go septic in as little as 24 hours and that can be fatal.
I am so very sorry that she has given up and chosen to do it in your home, that is just not okay to put you and your family through thus.
May The Lord lead you to the help you need to get out from under this awful situation and the help she needs for whatever her future is.