We live near Richmond VA. My mom, 88, has severe dementia and my dad, 91, does not. They live at home and my mom requires 24 hour care.

Laura, independent living is pretty expensive for what they provide. I would recommend getting them meals on wheels or mobile meals and a housekeeper to provide what an independent living facility offers, at bargain rates comparatively. Maybe a private chef that comes in and does a couple weeks worth of frozen meals would work better.

Best of luck finding the best solution for your parents needs.

I am not familiar with the facilities in VA but perhaps you could find a CCRC (continuing care retirement community) locally that might supply what you are looking for. CCRCs cover the entire range of senior living from independent to end of life. I personally find that faith based organizations tend to provide slightly better care than for -profit organizations. Unfortunately, CCRC's are also usually more expensive required a fairly substantial entry fee as well as a monthly rental fee.
Please let us know if you can find what you are looking for so we can add that organization to our toolbox.
Wishing you good luck in your quest.

The facility that my DH's mother was in had MC apartments where 2 people of differing mental statuses could co-habit. There were 2 bedrooms, a mini kitchen, and a good size common area. The person with more mental skills was able to leave and go 'across the hall' so to speak to be active with the more active Srs.

Yes, it was quite a bit more money, but I could see it being a good dynamic for many couples.

LauraEt, join Nextdoor.com (which is an intranet forum of your actual neighbors in communities close to) and ask your question. This is a global forum of anonymous participants. Nextdoor participants will give you the quickest, most accurate answers to your questions that are specific to where you and your parents live.

From what I understand you have toured places and ur parents cannot afford Dad to be in an AL and Mom in MC.

They separate because Mom needs more care than an AL is able to provide. Dad would not be happy in MC. In an AL, Dad would bevtotally responsible for Mom. Yes, he would get help with dressing and bathing. Changing Mom when needed. Bedding changed, clothes laundered, room keptvclean, 3 meals a day, but anything else is his responsibility. Aides don't sit with Mom so Dad can have his alone time.

Take a look at Westminster Canterbury Richmond
1600 Westbrook Avenue
Richmond, VA 23227

Maybe they’ll have what your parents need.

Your mom needs to go to memory care and your dad to the attached assisted living. Ask around and start touring facilities.

Your mom is too far gone for a 55+ community. She likely needs 24/7 care

88 and 91..it's time for a facility, if you sell the home you can find a facility(that takes medicaid) and spend down all that money and then once it's all spent they can apply for medicaid. That's my opinion, since you didn't really pose a question. Best of luck

The assisted living facilities with attached memory care units that I know of, work really well with married couples where one is in their memory unit and the other in assisted living.
They would allow your mom to leave her memory care to visit and spend time with your dad daily in his assisted living if that is what he wants, and yet it would relieve your dad of the 24/7 care that your mom requires and they could just enjoy each others company as husband and wife.

Years ago when I was volunteering for hospice, I had a couple like your parents, except it was the husband who had dementia. He lived in the memory care of this facility while his wife lived in the assisted living part. And every afternoon, the aides would bring this man to visit with his wife and they would spend the afternoon together.
Plus of course the wife could just walk down the hall to enter the memory care unit anytime she wanted to visit her husband.
It was a win win for all involved, and not at all a "horrid shortcoming in care offerings" but instead allowed each partner to receive the care they required in their appropriate care settings, while still allowing them to enjoy spending time together as husband and wife.
So I would just say....don't knock it until you try it.

You don't actually ask a question...

Do your parents each have a PoA? If not, why not?

Who is going to be managing all the scheduling, payments, subbing, taxes for your Mom's care? ... your Dad...?

If you hire private aids it may be less expensive but more work in terms management. In my state (MN) you are considered an employer even if you only have 1 part-time privately hired aid -- and this means having to do withholding/reporting and submitting 2ws or 1099s, as well as making sure the liability insurance for their home/apartment supports all this activity (plus my state requires Worker's Comp). Just go into it with your eyes fully open.

I hope you can find the kind the right type of care for your parents!