Mom’s Dementia feeling sad.

Oh God yes!!! It’s awful. My mom has been away from her home for one year now (in memory care for about 9 months) although she can’t remember that I was with her yesterday, or whether or not she has eaten today, she repeatedly asks about exact details about her home..not an abstract home like other people talk about but HER home and continually ask to go home. We would say things that have been suggested like “when you get strong again” or “as soon as we get ok from your doctor”. Then within last 2 weeks she cannot bear weight so she’s in a wheelchair, not eating or drinking much, has had bouts of diarrhea and then fecal impaction and just seems so lifeless and listless but still knows and talks to us ;) Gone are the days I go get her by myself for lunches, dinners or outings because now I need help lifting and transferring her. It’s so sad. I feel so guilty that I cannot keep her at home due to work and stairs etc. (Im 67 with a back indicative of 35 years as a nurse:) Everytime our LO’s digress, a little of us goes too and the guilt, grief and sadness gets larger, I hope and pray she goes quietly in her sleep to join my wonderful dad…,just peaceful..and then THAT makes me feel sad if she goes by herself and we aren’t there. Will she be scared, I wander. Would she have declined so fast had I kept her home (remodeled house, quit my job etc) I pray she goes peacefully and soon as her quality of life is nil. It’s all so sad

I want to thank everyone for their responses and input, This is probably one
of the hardest things I’ve have to accept and deal with. It is a daily concern I have about Mom but I do know she is in good hands. I do pray and ask God to take care of Mom. It still hurts because I miss the old Mom Anyway thanks again

She knows she is loved and you are Loved by her . There is Not Much we can do But Love them for who they are . Like someone else said " The Circle of life " Not Much we can do about natures course . Sadness is a reality But I think it is best to deal with the present and enjoy your time with her .

Stay on this Forum and it will help you to do so. "Heartbroken" to lose one's mother twice is ravaging to one's heart. You have lost the beautiful relationship with your Mom, seeing her 3 to5 times a week. I would give anything to have had a mother that I wanted to be around often, and who made it obvious that she loved and cherished me! That could be #1 on your Blessings List. I DO recommend a Blessings List. When you go visit, perhaps taking a small photo album of cherished family moments that your mother can view and be reminded of happier, loving times between the two of you, and with other family members. This will also be reinforcement for you, too, that it HAS been a very good life, full of love and good memories. Added to the Blessings List is a sibling who stepped up to care for your mother. Your pain is very real and I do not want to detract from that very fact. Your heart is breaking due to the loss of a cherished bond between you and your mother. The price of a great love is Grief, as Queen Elizabeth reminded us. Although not to detract from the pain of the heartbreak, I do want to say "God Bless you", and I see many Blessings to add to your list.

Yes, I relate to this heartbreak. First the loss of mom going from being super vibrant and healthy for her age to chronically sick. Then sicker. And finally on hospice for over 6 months. It was often very difficult and mom was unhappy. But I always hugged her and said I love you every time I left, because I never knew when it would be the last time.

Anyone who is losing a LO and feels sad is totally normal. The Cycle of Life is the reality, and nobody is ever happy about it. We all are born, grow up, have our lives, families, get old and eventually die. Nobody gets out alive.

Getting older is not for wimps. It's a sad and frustrating time of life. Nobody likes to experience the various illness, frustration and disappointment that their lives are ending. It's not something we can control.

If you are religious, go to your church for help and faith in hard times. If you aren't religious, there are metal health hotlines, support groups, and sometimes helpful family members and friends.

I have dealt with heartbreak in many difficult subjects. I have lost my parents, my sister, my beloved husband, my best friend of 32 years, even my beloved dog. I have had a brutal divorce, lost jobs, struggled to survive financially. Life is not a bowl of cherries, and can get very hard. I don't know why I'm here!!

All I do is keep moving forward the best I can. Dwelling on sadness only gets you in a bad place. I focus on happy memories, which is all that we are left.
It does take time to heal. I wish you a happier future!

Yes , many here have been though all those feelings and more of what's to come. The support i get aon AC is priceless. Even if you don't do anything but read others stories, you don't feel near as alone as you did.

It's a horrible deasses and so hard on everyone that's invested in it.

Sounds like you have a good family and good support. In that you are lucky. Looking at the positive things you have helps a lot

And it's ok to be sad, it's normal and healthy, just don't let sadness run into depression.

Good luck West, your not alone

If you stay on the Forum and read you will see that many share your feelings of fear and loss for your mother. Often, when these elders do pass there is a sense of relief for them after many years of witnessing their torment and their loss. It is a relief not to fear every day for their further losses.

The one good thing here is that you and your sister are attempting to do care together and to keep your mother safe and well cared for. For many here there is bickering and fighting and dissension over the parent. Not to say that makes your grief easier, but in some senses it may be a comfort to you.

Anyone that has any person in their life that has dementia and that they love, of course feels heartbroken for the loss that not only their loved one is experiencing but also for the loss that they themselves are experiencing.
It's a horrible disease that leaves many broken hearts in its wake.
So just make sure that you're enjoying whatever time you may have left with your mom and make sure that you leave nothing left unsaid.
God bless you.