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Disckitty Asked April 24, 2024

My father lost his companion of 45 years today.

They were to move to AL next week. He is heart broken and now he is scared to go. How can I help him look forward to the move? I am afraid of depression coming quick.

KNance72 Apr 24, 2024
He will make new friends tell him that .

JoAnn29 Apr 24, 2024
First, he has to get thru a funeral. If a memorial, my thinking would be do it now so he can move forward but then it may be better to have it at a later date. I guess that would be up to him. Not sure if throwing him into a new enviroment would be good right now. Like said, talk it over with the AL. Even his PCP.

So sorry for your loss.

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AlvaDeer Apr 24, 2024
45 years together? Yes, there will almost certainly be shock, depression, despair, grief. The Administration will be aware of this. This would be normal. They can monitor his grief and I am hopeful with make special efforts to support him.

When we reach a certain age (I am 81, my partner 83) we live our lives well aware that the loss of one to the other will happen. Most of us hope to go "first", so as to avoid the grief we know will come. Loss and grieving is a normal part of the sadness of the aging process.
I am so very sorry for his loss, and for yours.

Daughterof1930 Apr 24, 2024
I watched my dad go through such sadness as the losses of both people and abilities piled up. It’s an inevitability of life. I’m sorry for you and dad in this. Encourage him to keep the plan as this was what they’d agreed to and known was best. Speak to the director of AL for guidance and a heads up for the staff to be able to handle it properly.

Fawnby Apr 24, 2024
You could try easing him into the new situation by telling the administrators what has just happened and asking if you could take him there for lunch so he can meet some friendly people before he actually moves in. The best possible thing he could do would be to avoid sitting home in a lonely house. There will be many widowed and single people at AL who will be eager to get to know him. When my mom, still married to my dad, moved to AL, she kept getting asked out by single men. She was very clear that she was married, but she enjoyed talking with them sometimes (she was 85 and lived there until she was 90). When my dad would visit her there, he enjoyed the company too. AL is not perfect, but it's better than home alone.

I'm sorry for your loss.

funkygrandma59 Apr 24, 2024
Remind him that being around other people his age will be good for him and it will allow him to move forward in his healing/grieving process. And make sure that his doctor is treating him for his depression if needed.
And also tell him that his "companion" would still want him to move there and be happy even if it's without them.

Isthisrealyreal Apr 24, 2024
Dis, I am so sorry for your family's loss.

Your dad has major life changing things happening that by themselves are very hard to get through, add them up and they could very well be crippling for him.

I would encourage you to keep an eye on him, get him moved, find him some grief counseling and pills if needed. Help him adjust to his new home by taking him to activities, having an occasional meal and helping him meet his new neighbors.

This move is hard under the best circumstances and he is faced doing it under the worse circumstances, he will need time and support.

May The Lord give him grieving mercies, strength and comfort during this new season in life.

Anxietynacy Apr 24, 2024
I'm sorry, I'm sure this is hard, your dad is lost and lonely, and moving on feels like he is moving on without his partner. It will take time to adjust. Hopefully he makes new friends there.

Much luck to both of you

cwillie Apr 24, 2024
"She would have wanted you to be safe and looked after".
I'm sorry for you loss.

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