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statewise Asked April 24, 2024

Is transferring to a new nursing home worth it?

My 91-year-old mom is in a nursing home that she does not like. I took her to an endocrinologist today and she said the nursing home is not drawing blood and sending it to her like they should. My mother is losing weight because of her thyroid. She says the issue has been the same since last year. I was wondering if I transfer her to another nursing home, will she get better care? She wants to leave the nursing home she is in now and I agree with her. I have 3 siblings that I need to consult with what I am planning. I am the only one who really takes her to doctor appointments. My mother doesn’t get along with too many people. She says whatever is on her mind.

NeedHelpWithMom May 3, 2024
If you aren’t satisfied with the care that they are providing, then feel free to look elsewhere.

Good luck finding a suitable home for your mom.

Momsonlychild May 2, 2024
I’m guessing you brought up the missing bloodwork to the nursing staff. If needed you can have the Dr request it be done. If your mom has a hard time getting along with others it’s probably not going to change moving to a new home. Is the home she’s in kept clean? How’s the food? How’s the staff? I visit my mom at all different times/ days to assess how things are going. They well know I’m vocal about my mom’s care but I’m also respectful and kind.

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Geaton777 May 2, 2024
"...she said the nursing home is not drawing blood and sending it to her like they should."

...but your profile says she has ALZ/dementia, so how do you know what she's telling you is accurate?

Before you do anything I would fact check with her doctors and the DON. Who is her MPoA or Medical Representative? This is the person who needs to be verifying all of this and involved in the decision-making.

akababy7 May 2, 2024
I have thought about this with momma but at the age of almost 90 and I live out of state it is not worth it in my opinion. Momma has complained from day one while in assisted living from the food, the way they clean her bathroom, her laundry and cleaning her apt. Yes her facility is not perfect and could do better but momma is going to complain because she just does not want to be there. She wanted to stay in her house but that did not happen and she goes around telling everybody that me and my husband put her away! She has been in assisted living for a little over 5 years. If I moved her to another facility I wouldn't know if it would be any better? The one she is in is suppose to be one of the top ten for the city she lives in.

Fawnby Apr 25, 2024
If you are POA, you should make the decisions for your mom on your own, based on your understanding of the problem. If your siblings don't go to her appointments with her, explaining all the medical things and reasons for your decisions could be difficult. You have no obligation to explain everything to them. Decide what you're going to do and don't put it up for discussion.

I have experience with this. Rude Aunt wanted me to write down everything that happened every day with my dad, who had cancer, dementia and was dying. I was his caregiver, and she refused to provide any and all help. Taking care of a patient with those issues was exhausting, and there was no time to keep a log for HER. Also, he didn't want her involved. I had another experience where I was looking after a family member and wrote a daily email to their adult kids about progress being made. Not one ever thanked me or offered to help.

Keep others out of it. I'm sure you can handle all of it very well without stirring up a bunch of people who are likely to find fault no matter what you and mom decide to do for her.

JoAnn29 Apr 25, 2024
Does the facility have a Dr. Maybe her Dr. needs to talk to the facility Dr. about ordering blood draws. This takes a special person so maybe someone from the outside needs to come in. Check with the DON about how Mom can have her blood drawn. Nothing is done in a NH without a Drs order.

AlvaDeer Apr 25, 2024
This is your decision. If you are POA do TELL the sibs what you decide, don't discuss it with them. That just adds complications to what is already complicated.
Thyroid condition does require blood draws to monitor effect of medications, but at 91 you can expect the beginning of times when you are facing end of life and there are not a whole lot of perfect answers to anything. It is just the fact of life. And death.

I sure wish you the best. I would do all I can not to disrupt the life of a 91 year old who may not be happy in new environment any more than in current one. This time of loss upon loss is not about happiness and even contentment would be a reach. I wish you the very best, and hope things will work out, but I would speak with administration before a move and I would have as realistic attitude to all this as I can muster.

MidwestOT Apr 25, 2024
Whatever you choose to do, it sounds like the medical POA(you?) may want to be more involved in her medical care if possible. It’s unfortunate if the endocrinology office did not follow through with the NH or let someone know that labs weren’t being drawn, but that seems to be the reality these days. As MPOA I would try to be aware of everything that needs to be done, and stay on top of everyone until it happens— nursing home, lab, physician, whomever. Your profile states that you are caring for someone else so I get that you may not have the time or energy for that.

Of course you should find the best nursing home possible for your mom, but don’t assume that everything will get done somewhere else without supervision or intervention. Sadly, I think that’s just the way it is. Good luck to you.

Riverdale Apr 25, 2024
Visit some other nursing homes and speak frankly about your concerns with the director. Try to get a feel for how they might handle what you feel is presently lacking. You may have to pay more but you should get a sense of whether it will be worth it.

I moved my mother in September of 2022. She passed in April of 2023. I was so glad I was able to move her and there was a great difference between the two.

LoopyLoo Apr 25, 2024
Another NH, sure! But Do. Not. Move. Her. In. With. You.

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