My 78 yr old mom has Alzheimer's, very difficult to deal with, been placed on different medications over the last 2 yrs that don't seem to help.

My mother’s doctor told me that there comes a time when many elderly with Alzheimer’s/ dementia can not be cared for by family because the parent does not do what the child asks them to do . They don’t want to be told what to do by their child .

It may be time to consider placement . My mother would not shower or let any hired help in the home . I ended up placing her . She was still mean to me for a long time when I visited until her dementia got worse .

My Mom just went on the smallest dose of Lexapro and it has helped her a lot. There aren't as many side effects with Lexapro, according to the doc. What will help you the most is to learn engagement strategies for people with dementia. Dementia robs people of their abilities to use reason and logic, so you cannot waste your breath trying to convince them of anything. This leads to poor judgment. They also lose their ability to have empathy for others. They lose their sense of time, they are less able to recognize their body signals (like full bladder, pain, etc), they sundown, they can't bring their minds to a place of acceptance and calm anymore. I know it's so aggravating to deal with an uncooperative person all day long, day in and day out. Mostly exhausting when you're the only one. But your Mom is not longer able to control most of her decisions or actions. I learned a lot from watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and caregiving. Please start watching some so you can learn tactics to have more peaceful and productive interactions with your Mom. You can also call social services for your county to talk to a social worker and have them do a needs assessment for your Mom. If you are not PoA for your Mom, you can consider having a judge assign a 3rd party guardian for her. Then the guardian would be responsible to find placement for her and take care of all her needs. Your Mom is only 74 and you've already been providing care for 6 years already... you need a permanent break since she can need care for many more years. I wish you success in finding an option that works for YOU.

My mom isn't on any of these meds, yet. I'm sure it is difficult to get all the dosages and timing correct. Especially when she won't cooperate with taking her meds. Have you tried any tricks with crushing them in applesauce or pudding or something?

I don't think there are any meds that would help someone with listening better with dementia in play. Showers are often very hard for dementia patients. Of course, she does not take accountability for anything. Don't expect things like that from her broken brain.

Ugh, the smell. How can you stand it? I strongly suggest you either get lots of help at home or place mom somewhere. This is just way too much to handle at home. I agree with Alva about considering palliative or hospice care. Her dementia seems very advanced to me.

Best of luck.

Your mother belongs now in a nursing home where this smell is sometimes the norm.
You have attempted care in the home.
It's time to understand now that you are a grownup with a right to your own life.
At 81 I am here to tell you that your mother and I have HAD our lives.
This is your time.

If you choose to stay trying to do this care, then that is your choice to make and to live with the consequences of.
Drug cocktails are notoriously difficult to get right. I am sure Kaiser did not say that this WOULD help, but rather that they hoped it would help. I know Kaiser and they would more than likely be honest with you to say that this is very difficult, drugs and drug cocktails. Even when something DOES work it doesn't always keep working. And the side effects are many including falls and etc.
This is a very bad situation for which there may not be a "fix". That is how it goes at times. To believe there is a fix for the vagaries of aging is to grasp onto some magical thinking.

I am so sorry. I think it is time for you to understand that this is not going to get better. I would request Palliative care and/or Hospice (when applicable, and I would place your poor Mom in care.
This is a situation without a "good" answer imho as an old retired RN.