My mother had gorgeous hair. I still giggle when I think about the specific instructions that she gave to her hair stylist.
Mom was quite stylish. In her 90’s she would tell her hair stylist not to give her a typical ‘old lady’ haircut. LOL 😆
Many women see their hair as their crowning glory, especially if they are vain like my mother was.
We have all had experiences with horrible hair stylists. I am extremely loyal to people who provide great service, but I don’t hesitate to switch to someone else if someone isn’t up to par or has a crappy attitude.
Good for the OP who found a new caregiver that will do right by her mother. If we look our best, it makes a difference in how we feel.
I was so bad when it came to Moms hair. It was that white cotton stuff, which I inherited. Because she had Dementia, I wanted her to look nice. She wore it short and was to be brushed back so the sides feathered back. They would comb her hair straight down. She would have hated it. So I always carried a small metal brush (no static) and sm can of hair spray and did her hair when I got there.
If this caregiver isn't listening to you about important things, then I can certainly understand your frustration. And it is within your rights to find another carer is this one isn't living up to your expectations.
But for me - hairstyling would be so incredibly far down on my list of priorities.
As long as my MIL was safe, happy, clean, dressed, fed, given her medications, etc., how someone styled her hair would be unimportant to me. Especially if she AND my husband had no issues with it.
Sometimes you have to pick your battles. And "hair hill" isn't the one I'm willing to die on.
Yes, I agree. It would have been different if that was the only grievance- but it was probably on the tail end of a very long list. I only posted that one because I was at my wits end, and probably was not appropriate. Thank you for your thoughtful reply. We have found another caregiver who is great and actually listens. Thank the Lord!!
Have you tried showing her a photo of how you would like her hair styled? It’s strange that she doesn’t listen to you. Don’t make suggestions. Be very specific about what you want.
Good luck communicating with her. If you aren’t comfortable with her, look for someone else who will respect how you feel.
My neighbor's Mother had long snow white hair. She wore it down and with bobby pins to hold it back. When Mrs. L went into hospice I went to visit her and her bobby pins were slipping out-I took them out and she let me brush her hair a little bit. I loved that lady so much. She couldn't talk because of a previous stroke but we understood each other. Is there any way you could show the caregiver what you would like for your MILs hair to look like? Best thing might be to get another caregiver. Good luck.
The problem with short hair is that it has to be cut regularly. That's expensive and can be hard to arrange. Shaving the head works for men (around here many shave their heads when they start to go bald), but isn't going to be acceptable for most women.
Long hair is easier to cut, and not difficult to pin back. My husband cuts mine. I hold the hair in the place that a ponytail rubber band would be, and he just cuts a couple of inches off the end. It takes two minutes, and is still the correct length to be twisted up. I haven't spent a penny on it for over 20 years. In the mirror, it looks surprisingly like my old 'Mia Farrow' short cut, a good balance for my very square jaw.
If "There are several things the caregiver is not listening to, and we are working on finding someone else" then you're already planning on firing her, so just let the hair thing go. Or fire her on the spot.
I certainly think that if this is something that is distressing to you, that you could request they not do this. If, however, your mother's hair is quite long they may have reasons to keep it back and out of her face, into her food, etc.
Simply discuss it I would think. You are here discussing it with a bunch of strangers who have no power in this matter. I sure do wish you the best of luck.
She has some dementia and speech problems. I would like her hair put back with Bobby pins, but the caregiver does not listen to me, and my husband will not speak up. There are several things the caregiver is not listening to, and we are working on finding someone else.
I saw a lot of this at the nursing home and while I agree it can be maddening to see women who you've always known as dignified and/or style conscious made up as something totally different, most of the women in question didn't seem to care - maybe that's because that's where they were in their own minds. As long as the rest of the care is good (or even just satisfactory, because too often it's not even that) sometimes you have to let the small stuff go.
She has some dementia and speech problems. She has never worn her hair that way. I would like her hair put back with Bobby pins, but the caregiver does not listen to me, and my husband will not speak up. There are several things the caregiver is not listening to, and we are working on finding someone else.
The caregiver is working for you (or mom) so the caregiver takes direction from you (or mom) and if she was doing anything else that she shouldn't be doing would you say anything? Tell the caregiver how you want mom's hair done. Now if mom is telling the caregiver that she wants a pony tail or pig tails that is another thing. Is it possible that pig tails or a pony tail makes it easier for the caregiver? If mom gets food in her hair, or chews on her hair, or pulls her hair then maybe a style that keeps the hair away from her face is appropriate. If mom's hair is long it just might be easier to have a cute short style that is easy to wash, dry, style. (when I was working full time then later caring for my Husband and had no time to do anything with my hair I had it real short..think Jamie Lee Curtis short...I have to tell you that was easy to manage.)
Thank you, MIL She has never worn her hair in a ponytail or pigtails, and some dementia and speech problems- not able to speak up for herself. We would like her hair put back with Bobby pins so she looks more dignified , but the caregiver does not listen to me, and my husband will not speak up. There are several things the caregiver is not listening to, and we are working on finding someone else.
You're the boss of the caregivers. You pay them, you decide how mom should look.
My mom's caregivers dressed her (comfortably) every day as she would have dressed when she went out. They put her pearls on her, and earrings that she liked. When they had time, they gave her a manicure with pretty polish. Our main caregiver had no experience with styling hair like my mom's, but she experimented with cutting it and curling it around her face. They had fun with this!
That’s the problem, the caregiver will not take direction, even when told something nicely. I have spoken to my husband about this, and he says he will talk with her.
My mother showed the hairdresser in her nursing home a photo of herself, pre stroke, with her hair done as she liked it. This was after the hairdresser did mom’s hair in an unflattering way. The hairdresser did her hair as she preferred from then on. A good caregiver wants a client to look as they prefer
Thank you, MIL She has never worn her hair in a ponytail or pigtails, and some dementia and speech problems- not able to speak up for herself. We would like her hair put back with Bobby pins so she looks more dignified , but the caregiver does not listen to me, and my husband will not speak up. There are several things the caregiver is not listening to, and we are working on finding someone else.
1) Tell caregiver not to use ‘child’ styles. 2) Tell caregiver what to do.
If caregiver is doing pigtails and pony tails, clearly M has long hair. So do I. I ‘put my hair up’ with a twist and then a large sliding clip to keep the twist next to the top back of my head. The only problem is that it’s not comfortable to lie on. I take the clip out when I lie down, and re-clip it when I get up.
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Mom was quite stylish. In her 90’s she would tell her hair stylist not to give her a typical ‘old lady’ haircut. LOL 😆
Many women see their hair as their crowning glory, especially if they are vain like my mother was.
We have all had experiences with horrible hair stylists. I am extremely loyal to people who provide great service, but I don’t hesitate to switch to someone else if someone isn’t up to par or has a crappy attitude.
Good for the OP who found a new caregiver that will do right by her mother. If we look our best, it makes a difference in how we feel.
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Just saw your response to JoAnn. I am happy to hear that you have a new caregiver who listens to you.
If she ignored you about a small thing like how to style her hair, what other instructions would she have ignored.
There’s no need to deal with anyone who doesn’t respect your wishes, whether it’s hair or anything else that you have instructed her to do.
But for me - hairstyling would be so incredibly far down on my list of priorities.
As long as my MIL was safe, happy, clean, dressed, fed, given her medications, etc., how someone styled her hair would be unimportant to me. Especially if she AND my husband had no issues with it.
Sometimes you have to pick your battles. And "hair hill" isn't the one I'm willing to die on.
We have found another caregiver who is great and actually listens. Thank the Lord!!
Good luck communicating with her. If you aren’t comfortable with her, look for someone else who will respect how you feel.
Is there any way you could show the caregiver what you would like for your MILs hair to look like?
Best thing might be to get another caregiver.
Good luck.
Long hair is easier to cut, and not difficult to pin back. My husband cuts mine. I hold the hair in the place that a ponytail rubber band would be, and he just cuts a couple of inches off the end. It takes two minutes, and is still the correct length to be twisted up. I haven't spent a penny on it for over 20 years. In the mirror, it looks surprisingly like my old 'Mia Farrow' short cut, a good balance for my very square jaw.
Simply discuss it I would think. You are here discussing it with a bunch of strangers who have no power in this matter. I sure do wish you the best of luck.
Tell the caregiver how you want mom's hair done. Now if mom is telling the caregiver that she wants a pony tail or pig tails that is another thing.
Is it possible that pig tails or a pony tail makes it easier for the caregiver? If mom gets food in her hair, or chews on her hair, or pulls her hair then maybe a style that keeps the hair away from her face is appropriate.
If mom's hair is long it just might be easier to have a cute short style that is easy to wash, dry, style. (when I was working full time then later caring for my Husband and had no time to do anything with my hair I had it real short..think Jamie Lee Curtis short...I have to tell you that was easy to manage.)
My mom's caregivers dressed her (comfortably) every day as she would have dressed when she went out. They put her pearls on her, and earrings that she liked. When they had time, they gave her a manicure with pretty polish. Our main caregiver had no experience with styling hair like my mom's, but she experimented with cutting it and curling it around her face. They had fun with this!
2) Tell caregiver what to do.
If caregiver is doing pigtails and pony tails, clearly M has long hair. So do I. I ‘put my hair up’ with a twist and then a large sliding clip to keep the twist next to the top back of my head. The only problem is that it’s not comfortable to lie on. I take the clip out when I lie down, and re-clip it when I get up.