Rogerwyatt7890 Asked May 5, 2024

Any ideas on how to wash my mother's hair without her screaming and crying?

I have been taking Mom to get her hair done every Friday as that is what she is used to. It is really ridiculous because all they do is wash it and blow dry it and charge 45 bucks. I decided to save money I would try to wash her hair. She literally screamed at the top of her lungs and said I was trying to drown her, etc. The only person she will allow to wash her hair is the beauty parlor lady. I have tried numerous methods of washing it slowly in the sink or shower but she reacts the same. I asked her why she is doing this and she said she is afraid of not being able to breathe. I just wonder if something happened as a child to her. Her mother was an alcoholic and very abusive. Maybe she is going back to something that happened when she was younger? Any help is appreciated. Thanks.

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Find other ways to save a few bucks. Familiarity is what dementia patients crave, not the new and the unknown of their sons trying to wash their hair in the sink! Pick your battles and realize eventually, everything will be a battle.

Helpful Answer (9)

I know all that but getting her to the beauty salon is a huge ordeal. She can hardly walk and we usually have to park a ways away. I'm familiar with the familiarity and known stuff. Sometimes things have to change and it can't always be what they want.

(7)

Dementia people like consistency and familiarity. Going to the hair dresser is familiar. Thisvis something she enjoys. Allow her this.

Helpful Answer (8)

When my daughter was in the hospital and could not move the hospital had shampoo caps that is no rinse. I found the ad on Amazon for ten dollars for three caps. Easy to use and no water needed.

MedVance No Rinse Shampoo Cap | Rinse Free Shower Cap that Shampoos & Conditions | PH Balanced & Hypoallergenic Waterless Hair Wash | 3 Pack

Helpful Answer (8)

This is not the hill that I would die on.

If she likes going to the beauty parlor, then $45 is a small tradeoff to avoid the anxiety and fear.

Helpful Answer (7)

There is a lot of great advice and suggestions. I might add that maybe going to the beauty parlor is one of the few things that allows Mom to feel independent, glamorous, beautiful, cared for, or any one of 100 things, and by you trying to do it for her (or maybe in her mind "to her"), it's a lot more emotional than $45.

You didn't mention whether she has dementia. Maybe there is a way to cut the cost and combine her trip to the salon with something else, like a mani/pedi or a nice lunch, so it could be her "day of beauty" or "mother/daughter day" celebration!

Helpful Answer (7)

Read the OP's profile. The mother has end stage dementia and has always been a horrible person to be around. She is pretty much unable to get in and out of the car, lives in a 3 story house and the OP is bending over backwards doing for mom. For god's sake why is it that care givers that are already strapped have to keep giving and giving. What's left in that - their own lives? Their own mental well being? Their own health? After all if the demented elder is not getting 100% what they want the OP should surely make sure they do - give me a break....

It is NOT a mother/daughter day weekly celebration. It is a weekly ordeal for the OP and an expense the mother cannot really afford and neither can the OP.

(9)

Might look into local Beauty schools. They give great prices so their students have customers to practice their skills.

Helpful Answer (7)

That sounds like a very difficult task (and a huge imposition) for an inexperienced student to manage an oppositional senior with dementia. It’s most likely a teenager. I cannot imagine any instructor approving this request.

(0)

I have a feeling this is just part and parcel of her dementia, Roger.
In the salon, do they wash it in one of those sinks where she kind of lays back? Because that's how we as nurses used to wash hair. We used a bedpan (plastic ones CHEAP on Amazon), had the patient lay back with neck over front of pan where it indents, which was padded with wash clothe, used minimal suds and a water pitcher to rinse. So their faces were never near water. Other than that I would look on youtube "washing bedridden person's hair". Might be something, and would look on amazon for any great products they may have to help.

I hope that the leg condition/swelling was seen by a doctor. You were headed to one, then canceled? She should be seen for that.

Adding edit to say amazon does INDEED have nifty hair washing stuff out there. Look in their search for "hairwashing for bedridden. Lot's of good stuff and you can keep it under 30.00.

Helpful Answer (6)

Never thought of that ... good idea. Like I thought, the leg swelling is normal for her age and other stuff like sitting for too long. Doctor had no immediate concerns. She had blood work done and the doctor is writing me a letter for possible placement in a foster care situation. Oh and yes we tried the dry shampoo but I feel she needs a real wash.

(2)

we found a local small beauty parlor that only charged seniors 12$. Will she agree to change shops? They advertised in our local town paper.

Helpful Answer (6)

Thanks for the tip I will check it out. It is really hard to even get her anywhere as she has trouble getting around. I would do it all myself if I could.

(4)

My mom was the same way. After she fell and broke her shoulder, a lot of things that had been going on came to light. She probably hadn't washed her hair in months. She was used to doing it once a week leaning over the kitchen sink, and that became too hard for her. The PT/OT girls that came eventually got to ADLs in her program, and she refused to wash her hair in the shower! We discovered she had a massive mat under her pony tail too. It was a horrifying nightmare disaster! She hid it so well.
Anyway, my point with all this is, after one saintly angel of an OT cut out her mat, she retrained her to do everything in the shower with assistance. She had a shower chair too. When she got to the memory care facility, she did fine with showers and followed directions. They have never said that she was refusing showers or was difficult to assist. Her dementia has passed all that over, and now this is her normal. So it is possible! Also, she would not allow it with me, but would with the therapists. With them it was fine. Maybe your mom needs a home health aide to just do the bathing once a week. It is a completely exasperating situation, but as the dementia progresses, what was once the horrible issue gets left in the dust for something else down the line.

Helpful Answer (6)

Someone recommended this to me (but I have not tried this yet), and have it on my list to try for my husband or myself if/when the need arises.

https://myscrubzz.com/products/shower-caps

Maybe try something like this product in-between salon visits to stretch your budget and she may decide she prefers it.

Helpful Answer (5)

These are actually very useful. I’ve managed to get my mom (80w/dementia) to try these on 2 occasions. They smell clean too so there’s no strange after odor.

(1)

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Any ideas on how to wash my mother's hair without her screaming and crying?

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