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Pmagnan Asked May 11, 2024

My 92-year-old mom has 24/7 care, but she hates it. We are on care giver #3 because she is so difficult.

She doesn’t care or have interest in anything. She wants to die. I’m at a loss as to what to say to her. She had a slight heart attack this week and they were unable to put in stents. So she is even more nasty. My other brother lives 3-hours away.


She will not take any meds for her mood or anxiety and repeatedly says I don't care. I’m at a loss.

sp196902 May 11, 2024
Since your mom wants to die does she have a DNR in place? If not she beeds too do that like yesterday. Why would a person who wants to die even try and get a stent? That seems like the opposite of wanting to die.

AlvaDeer May 11, 2024
Your 94 year old mother is angry and she is dying. There is no reason for her to be in a good mood, and she isn't.
I would tell her that losing further caregivers will mean that she is likely going to have to go into in-facility care, which isn't really very nice.
I am very sorry she is choosing to attempt to prolong her life with stents. I as a retired RN would never make that choice, and I worked cardiology. I think it is too bad, but it is her own personal decision and we all have a right to that.

You won't change her mood.
You are not responsible for the happiness of your parent.
You didn't cause this and can't fix this.

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lealonnie1 May 11, 2024
Tell mom you understand her desire to die at 92. But that you'll have to get her into a managed care residence with hospice now if she refuses to take antidepressants to help herself. You cannot facilitate her desire to die, that's up to God. I would tell my mother that very thing every time she started in with wanting to die.

So, what's your choice mom? Stay home with caregivers and antidepressants to try and enjoy the rest of your days to the best of your ability? Or go into a nursing home or AL with hospice to keep you comfortable until it's time to die?

Geaton777 May 11, 2024
Is she a candidate for LTC? Medicaid covers it if she qualifies financially.

Or, hospice?

Does she have a PoA?

funkygrandma59 May 11, 2024
Since your profile says that your mom still lives by herself, you tell her that if she fires one more caregiver that she will have no choice but to be placed in an assisted living or nursing facility.
She more than likely should be in one already anyway with her not wanting to take her medications and her health issues, but if you nor any other family member is her POA, there isn't much you can do at this point, but wait for the next "event" to happen(and it will)and then tell the hospital that she is an unsafe discharge and cannot be living by herself anymore, and the hospital social worker will have to find the appropriate facility for her.

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