I did deposit the money in his account . She was also offered to purchase them but went silent . I became power of attorney and enduring power of attorney in January of 2024. She wants her lawyer to get details of a line of credit my dad took out in 2018. She is claiming it was to buy my daughter a Home. This is not true and even if it was , he was not in a nursing home in 2018 and I wasn’t power of attorney . She wants proof that my attorney duties were enacted. Of course they were as how does she think I have been paying for his nursing hime care and handling his financial affairs. . The bottom line is she is desperately trying to find out what is in his bank account . It is my understanding that I am to keep this confidential . If I were to pass away my brother gets the power of attorney and enduring power . If he passes away it goes to the lawyer, She is not listed at all. She is a beneficiary whe he passes and then the funds in the estate are split three ways . I keep record of every penny spent . My question also is what kind of lawyer would entertain this demand to me . I was given a deadline to produce the documents but I am not answering or sending her laywer anything, Thoughts anyone ?
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Your sister is not going to get any attorney to handle this--b/c what you are doing is RIGHT and she's mad? You can sue someone for basically nothing--but you'll probably lose and end up paying the lawyer AND court fees and sometimes "waste of time" fees, if the judge (should it get that far) finds that this is simply sibling squabbling.
I remember my son's first case in front of a judge. I asked him how it went and he said "Boring, and my client not just lost, he got deported, too". However, my son had been paid upfront and told his client shouldn't go ahead with this lawsuit..but still chose to.
Lawyers are not that scary.( And honestly? Most never see the inside of a courtroom. )
I am sorry your sister is being a jerk. Just go grey rock with her, keep you own good records and don't tell her anything.
Google her lawyer’s name + prepaid legal
I think she has no attorney because an attorney would know better than to think he has any right to ask details of anything regarding mom's finances from her POA. He wouldn't ask such a think. He could threaten to go to court and ask the judge (the only one with a right to question and ask for proof). LET them. Let her pay for it. This OP is protected and her POA pays for her court costs. Sissy has no such protection. She is going to be paying between 350 and 700 an hour to some greedy attorney. Aint gonna happen. She has been already closed out by this family. It is clear she is angry and jealous. She should not be talked to .
If our OP, Anna, is worried she should hire an elder law attorney to reassure her that she is immune from these idle threats, because the POA DOES PAY FOR HER.
A good and decent attorney would likely answer her on the phone for such a call if she calls the office and says "I am my mom's POA and my sister who has been astranged is questioning my POA and threatening to take me to court; can she". I think she would be very reassured if she just checks this out for herself.
You might want to add that you will be soon getting a stay away order for harassment, and you may want to consider seeing an attorney to do just that.
You are being harassed. DO NOT SPEAK WITH HER. You answer to APS and the Courts of your state. NOT to her and NOT TO HER ATTORNEY.
Google your state + POA + rights to question POA.
You are not obligated to tell her anything. Your correct that Dads info is confidential. I think u need to consult a lawyer. Sure u can use Dads money to do this. Ur lawyer can send a letter to her lawyer saying that information will not be forth coming because the sister, not being POA, is not privleged to that info. That your POA went into effect ? and any money your Dad spent before that has nothing to do with your POA. That you do not have to supply those bank records. The info at this time, is not privy his client. Sister is not entitled to bank records either. You are his representive.
Send them nothing. The lawyer is fishing. He knows that your sister has no leg to stand on. He is just taking her money. You do need a lawyer to answer, IMO.
Stop discussing ANYTHING with her.
Tell her you will see her and her attorney in court when you are called to testify.
Tell her meanwhile she is too annoying for you to have to deal with while you are doing the heavy lifting. HANG UP the phone. That's what is done with annoying people.
She is making idle threats.
If she wants to hire an attorney let her pay the big bucks and tell her best of luck. NO ATTORNEY should be asking you to discuss your father's affairs. Tell him that as POA you are not at liberty to discuss your principal's private financial affairs, and that you will gladly bring your files into court should a court so summon you.
THEN get an attorney. And your POA pays for that, by the way.
What your sibling CAN DO is to hold you accountable to the court. It will cost her, but she can see an attorney and challenge your POA by saying you are engaging in elder abuse. She can also call APS and ask them to open a case challenging your POA duties and your record keeping.
SO now we come to the questions; A checkthrough, as you seem to indicate you ARE aware and you ARE keeping records. So just a check:
Do you understand how to do POA? Do you know that you cannot sell any of his possessions for less than TRUE MARKET VALUE?
Do you understand that you must have a file for every account, for every bill, for all receipts of payments? Have you seen the bank and registered on the account as POA, (not as an account owner)? Do you know how to sign checks as the POA?
Do you understand that as POA you can attend an elder law attorney on Dad's dime to learn how to do all these things; that your POA pays for expert advice?
Do you understand that as a POA you are held to the HIGHEST LEGAL STANDARD to do things the right thing and that the response "I didn't know that...." can land you in jail with a charge of elder abuse?
You are currently serving as a POA with a sibling at war after you.
This is a terrible position to be in.
You need to see an elder law attorney today about how you are carrying out your duties.
You are absolutely correct that you should NOT SHARE ANY FURTHER information with your sister. (or with anyone else)
She has no right to it, and in fact as POA you are to keep your father's finances and his decisions PRIVATE sharing them with NO ONE but APS and attorney.
IF your sister pursues calling you before a court you will need to bring all documents, files, records, to court with you and prove you are acting correctly as POA.
See an elder law attorney right away. You say you have the records. Start a diary also. No markouts, just mark through for mistakes, in ink, in a composition book with no tear outs. You have a troubled sister and if she wants to spend money on an attorney she can cause any amount of grief for you. I hope this attorney your sib-at-war hired costs her 700.00 an hour.
yes I sign cheques with POA after my signature.. I pay all my dad’s utility bills, his meds, his care at the nursery home .
I am registered at his bank as power of attorney and enduring power .
I keep immaculate records of every dime , going in and going out. I will be selling his house too as it makes no sense to keep a house that’s costing him money for utilities and taxes. He won’t be coming home. This money will be deposited in his account. I am also is personal directive for all his medical needs and decisions.
The elder abuse is from her to him in his nursing home. Telling him lies and upsetting him .
i do not talk to my sister at all. I have blocked her since December when she wanted to put me in jail for opening his dresser drawers to bring chis clothes to the hospital after his fall. She’s not right in the head to say the least .
You wrote that she clearly has mental problems. If so, you can't do anything about it. Save your emotional and mental and physical energy for reality and your responsibilities, not trying to appease a bully with self-serving motives.
My other comment is that my sisters and I have always shared all the information like this. I’ve never seen the need to keep it secret. It makes life a lot simpler if people know the facts and trust each other. Secrecy makes people suspicious. But your sister may not be ‘trustworthy’, perhaps.
she has only accused us constantly until we finally had to block,her. On her occasional visit to our dad, she has verbally elder abused him . He has early dementia and she has told him that we stole his cars and stole 70,000 dollars out of his account. My dad lives off his pension only . If I didn’t have my husbands support as well as my brother I don’t know how I would cope. My entire family is under stress. Her family won’t get her help.
Do you have your own lawyer for yourself and your own family? I'd certainly run it by him or her but I could also see not wanting to shell out several hundred dollars to be told ignore it.
If you know your records will show no malfeasance the best you can do is let her spin her wheels. Sorry you have to deal with this on top of managing your dad's affairs.
I am sure that this situation is causing your father distress. Neither you or your dad should have to be dealing with this situation.
Looks like your sister is carrying out her threat. What in the world is she hoping to accomplish by doing this? Other than wreaking havoc in your lives?
Bullies are generally very insecure people who are miserable.
I remember years ago when those of us who had siblings were venting our frustrations, there was a poster who would occasionally say that after hearing our stories, he felt lucky to be an only child. 😝
There are pros and cons to all situations. Unfortunately, you are experiencing the crappy side of things at the moment.
I am sorry that you are experiencing such drama. Has she always caused a scene in your family? Or is this behavior out of character for your sister?
If any kind of investigation is done and everything is in order, the case will be resolved soon.
Wishing you all the best.