I have a mother that has been diagnosed with dementia. I am trying to find placement for her because she is inviting felons into my home.
She is calling the police on me. She is accusing me of things that I haven’t done. She is calling family members and telling lies. I’ve contacted Aging and Disability. I need help!
When she gets paranoid you can call 911 and tell them she's delusional and may have a UTI (which she might). Is she on meds for her anxiety? Is her diabetes under control? Once she's in the hospital you can tell them she's an unsafe discharge and talk to a social worker at the hospital about getting her discharged directly to a facility. They may have to acquire guardianship for her in order to manage her affairs.
How long has your Mom lived with you? You are probably in your 70s and shouldn't be dealing with caregiving a 90 year old with Alz/dementia making false claims about you. Problem is that once they get mail at your address, they officially live there. It makes them hard to get out! Especially if they are stubborn, or they like drama and causing trouble for you in your own home.
If Mom doesn't want to leave, getting her in a facility will not be easy. Neither is babysitting her 24/7 so she won't get into trouble, which she already is doing. Nevada must have some type of Medi-Cal program to apply for her, to pay for her long term care. You shouldn't be paying for her care.
Call the County Aging Services and Adult Protective Services and tell them you are too old and can't take care of Mom, she is causing trouble, and you can't afford her. Ask for a social worker to help you get her placed somewhere where she can be safe. Meanwhile, take the phone away she's using to call relatives and communicate with the sister with felon son. Keep your home under lock down until she's out. Tell Mom NO VISITORS OR GUESTS. Make copies of those Restraining Orders, have them handy and put the local cops number on speed dial. Give Social Worker copies. Good luck!
BTW - Don't expect the VA to help you with anything. They have 5 year wait lists for SNF or Memory Care.
I am caring for my mother Marjorie , who is 90 years old, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, diabetes, hearing loss, mobility problems, sleep disorder, and vision problems.
About Me I am trying to help my mother who’s been diagnosed with dementia. She is constantly calling family members and accusing me of abusing her and treating her badly. I’ve called Aging And Disability and I’ve made a report when I thought I was reporting her and her treatment towards me and letting them know that, she says I’m abusing her and harassing her. They said no she’s abusing you and harassing you and they made a report on her harassing me. She is now inviting my sister who has not seen her since 2018 into the home with her son that is a felon. I had to call the police and get restraining orders put on the both of them so they can’t come here anymore. I need help on placing her somewhere. She has limited income from my father and he was a vet. I need help to know where I can put her and how I can get it paid for.
Why would the police agree to a restraining order against your mother's daughter? If her grandson is a felon and out on parole, is he not allowed to visit his grandmother, I don't understand? I don't understand a lot of what you've written, honestly.
Do you have POA? If so, apply for Medicaid on moms behalf, if she qualifies, and place her in Skilled Nursing care if she qualifies for it.
I hope you find placement for mom soon. Do your best to find out if she's been giving keys to any of the felons. Change locks if she has. Or maybe there really aren't any felons, it's a story she made up.
Whatever it is, she shouldn't be living alone now and heaven forbid that any family member take her into their home. She has more problems than can reasonably be handled in a home setting.
If you have POA, you can place her in Memory care if she has the money or a NH with Medicaid paying. Call Adult protection sevices and see if they can help.
I am not certain what Aging and Disability are. Can you tell me? I AM familiar with APS (Adult Protective Services). Have they been called? Your mother is 90 and your profile says that she has dementia. If your mother is inviting felons in and they will not leave, I think the police are the proper call for you to make; who ARE these felons? Are they known to your 90 year old mother? Why is she being left alone to associate with and meet felons and bring her to the home? Are you her POA?
What steps have to taken to take your mother to her MD for a try at some medications that may have a calming effect on her? Has she been tested for a UTI? How long has this behavior been going on?
Have police actually been answering your mother's calls to them and showing up at your home? Do family members actually believe that you are abusing your mother?
I think that if this goes on for much longer and you have made all attempts, then the fact is that whether your mother's accusations are real or not, they are still too disturbing to her to allow the two of you to remain together. This may be a part of her dementia, but it clearly isn't going well your being in care of her at this point, for BOTH your sakes.
Offhand, and knowing only what you tell us, I would suggest placement for Mom if all medical tests (including a urinalysis C&S) turn out to be fine.
Do you have POA for making healthcare and/or financial decisions for your mother? If so, you can use it to move her into a facility. If not, it may take getting guardianship to do so. Her money and assets are used to pay for her care. When this runs out, or if there is already no money, Medicaid is applied for and her care will be paid for through that. I’m glad you’re keeping unsafe people from your home and sorry it’s become such a hard time
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If Mom doesn't want to leave, getting her in a facility will not be easy. Neither is babysitting her 24/7 so she won't get into trouble, which she already is doing. Nevada must have some type of Medi-Cal program to apply for her, to pay for her long term care. You shouldn't be paying for her care.
Call the County Aging Services and Adult Protective Services and tell them you are too old and can't take care of Mom, she is causing trouble, and you can't afford her. Ask for a social worker to help you get her placed somewhere where she can be safe. Meanwhile, take the phone away she's using to call relatives and communicate with the sister with felon son. Keep your home under lock down until she's out. Tell Mom NO VISITORS OR GUESTS. Make copies of those Restraining Orders, have them handy and put the local cops number on speed dial. Give Social Worker copies. Good luck!
BTW - Don't expect the VA to help you with anything. They have 5 year wait lists for SNF or Memory Care.
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I am caring for my mother Marjorie , who is 90 years old, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, diabetes, hearing loss, mobility problems, sleep disorder, and vision problems.
About Me
I am trying to help my mother who’s been diagnosed with dementia. She is constantly calling family members and accusing me of abusing her and treating her badly. I’ve called Aging And Disability and I’ve made a report when I thought I was reporting her and her treatment towards me and letting them know that, she says I’m abusing her and harassing her. They said no she’s abusing you and harassing you and they made a report on her harassing me. She is now inviting my sister who has not seen her since 2018 into the home with her son that is a felon. I had to call the police and get restraining orders put on the both of them so they can’t come here anymore. I need help on placing her somewhere. She has limited income from my father and he was a vet. I need help to know where I can put her and how I can get it paid for.
Why would the police agree to a restraining order against your mother's daughter? If her grandson is a felon and out on parole, is he not allowed to visit his grandmother, I don't understand? I don't understand a lot of what you've written, honestly.
Do you have POA? If so, apply for Medicaid on moms behalf, if she qualifies, and place her in Skilled Nursing care if she qualifies for it.
Good luck to you.
Whatever it is, she shouldn't be living alone now and heaven forbid that any family member take her into their home. She has more problems than can reasonably be handled in a home setting.
I AM familiar with APS (Adult Protective Services). Have they been called?
Your mother is 90 and your profile says that she has dementia.
If your mother is inviting felons in and they will not leave, I think the police are the proper call for you to make; who ARE these felons? Are they known to your 90 year old mother? Why is she being left alone to associate with and meet felons and bring her to the home?
Are you her POA?
What steps have to taken to take your mother to her MD for a try at some medications that may have a calming effect on her? Has she been tested for a UTI? How long has this behavior been going on?
Have police actually been answering your mother's calls to them and showing up at your home?
Do family members actually believe that you are abusing your mother?
I think that if this goes on for much longer and you have made all attempts, then the fact is that whether your mother's accusations are real or not, they are still too disturbing to her to allow the two of you to remain together. This may be a part of her dementia, but it clearly isn't going well your being in care of her at this point, for BOTH your sakes.
Offhand, and knowing only what you tell us, I would suggest placement for Mom if all medical tests (including a urinalysis C&S) turn out to be fine.