My 82 yr old mother is increasingly paranoid.

Has your mother had mental health issues previously in the long-term? I ask because my mother is a lot like this. She has confirmed, personality disorder, plus depression and anxiety. The psychiatric office told me privately they suspect her depression is actually a form of depression called depression with psychotic features.

Your mother sadly is suffering from dementia and she should NOT be driving anymore. Period.
Anyone with that degree of paranoia, obviously is pretty well into their dementia journey and should not be living on their own anymore.
You may think that she's doing all these other things well, but I'm guessing that in fact she is messing up many things with her broken brain.
You must remember that this is the disease speaking and not your mother. Try best you can to let it just roll off your back.
And if you can't do that, call APS and report a vulnerable adult with dementia, living by themselves and they will come out and investigate and take over her care if necessary.

Also, my MIL acted like this once and as it turns out, she went cold turkey off her cymbalta (which is a giant no no.. that one especially you don’t just stop).

How do you know she is taking her meds? How do you know she is taking her meds correctly?

You have put this under Alzheimer's and Dementia, so I feel you know you are seeing symptoms of that, but it is odd that her executive functioning and driving are fine, and that she is taking care of other things. This could indeed be mental illness; it could also be a Urinary Tract Infection.

The truth of the matter is that if your mother will not address this and your mother's MD will not address it there is very little you can do until this becomes bad enough for you to contact APS and tell them you are worried for the safety of Mom and possibly others.

You can tell them what you told us.
Other than this, I will tell you there's not a lot while she is functioning so well as she is.
If this IS mental illness or dementia, then eventually you are going to see more problems or, as I did with my brother "get the call" from a hospital. At that point you will contact Social Services and tell them you saw this coming and it's crucial that your mom receive testing before discharge.

I hope others have better advice than mine. I am stuck in the "not everything can be fixed " mode of late.

I feel we will eventually need a crisis intervention. Still trying to get her to start with her primary care. I called crisis center and already left notes for her provider, and offered to go with her, every thing I can think of to get involved. They say that unless she brings it up, unless it is a crisis, can't get her evaluated. If you talked to her, you would never guess this was happening... you might even believe her. She feels that certain that these things are happening.

Right now I am trying to focus on not engaging with her because it doesn't help, just gets her more worked up. But it is hard when she is calling me liar and is rude and verbally aggressive. She lives alone because my dad passed away 8 years ago. So I try to check on her every day and be there for her when she needs help. I guess I am in for a long road. I am just trying to keep myself from not being consumed by this. Thanks everyone for your words.

No, not POA. If I tried to get that now she would accuse me of trying to take everything. I am trying to get her to make an appt with her primary care provider to at least get an evaluation, but she thinks nothing is wrong, she is 100% certain of these thins,
and it is mainly me and her neighbor that are doing things. She thinks people move things around her house, take things (and then sometimes return them), and reorganize her belongings. She is getting very angry because she says that no one will admit it and if they did, it would be better. Which I know will not solve this and I wouldn't say I did something I didn't do because then she would never trust me. I am afraid of the increasing aggressive nature of her accusations. If I say anything to correct her she gets even more worked up. Just a no-win situation right now.

The minute she becomes aggressive with you, don't say anything. Calmly walk outside or to another room and call 911. Don’t let her know you did that and send her to the ER.

This isn’t normal behavior and at that point she is a danger to others.

It sounds like she needs a thorough medical check up.

It doesn't sound like you (or anyone) is currently her PoA. Therefore, you need to make a decision as to whether or not you wish to manage her care (which doesn't also mean you need to be her hands-on caregiver).

In order for someone to make decisions on someone else's behalf and manage their affairs, they need to legally be able to do so. This is what a MPoA or legal guardian is able to do. Dementia is a progressive disease for which there is no cure. Once your Mom passes a certain cognitive point, she will no longer be legally able to assign a PoA for herself. At that point either you will need to pursue guardianship or you step away completely and allow social services to recommend it to a judge who will then assign a guardian, and it won't be you. If this happens you are completely blocked out of any insights into her financial and medical affairs or access, but you will still be 100% able to carry on a personal relationship with her, if you choose.

It's very possible your Mom has an undiagnosed UTI, the symptoms of which are confusion, agitation, anxiety, in the elderly. She would need antibiotics before it turns septic. So, if you can't get her in to Urgent Care (using a therapeutic fib if necessary) then you may need to call 911 and tell them she is having delusions and you suspect a UTI. This will get her the help she needs. Also, while in the hospital you have the option of talking to the discharge desk to tell them she is an "unsafe discharge". This will prevent her from going back home if it truly isn't a safe place for her to be by herself until after she is treated and IF she actually has a UTI.

There is nothing to be done about paranoia except to try to get her on meds for anxiety/mood/agitation. My Mom just started the lowest dose of Lexapro and is doing well on it. She occassionally has "pockets" of paranoia but not as frequently and of less endurance. My Mom is 95. Your Mom is "only) 82 so her journey could go on for a long time. It is up to you to set boundaries that you can live with.

Is she diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or Dementia ? Or could this be a psychiatric issue ? Or both ? Or you don’t know ?

What exactly are you helping her with if she takes care of her meds the house , herself , drives herself to the store ?

Does she cook ? Are you seeing memory problems or just paranoia ?

What are you feeling responsible for ?
Does your mother have a POA?

I’m sorry this is happening to you . Eventually something will happen to cause the police or EMS to come into play . If she lands in the hospital try to tell the doctors there . This is how my mother ended up diagnosed with dementia after she had a paranoid meltdown at home , said she had chest pains and landed in the ER via EMS to rule out a heart attack . I could not get her primary to do anything either except to suggest to my mother to consider assisted living after my father died , which she refused .

Before Mom ended up in the hospital , I also called the local County Area of Aging . They sent a social worker to the home who spoke with my mother and determined she was not safe living home alone . The social worker said my mother could not “ come up with a plan “ , when asked what she would do if “ this or that “ happened .

Basically my mother could not describe what to do in an emergency etc .
The social worker was scheduled to return two weeks later with another person to remove my mother from her home to place her in assisted living that I chose ahead of time.

My mother ended up in the hospital before that happened and I spoke to the doctors and social worker there and told them what was going on . Then the social worker from the hospital spoke to the one from the Agency of Aging and Mom was place in assisted living right from the hospital .

Paranoia is part of dementia , maybe you can get her tested for dementia.

Start by learning all you can about dementia. YouTube Teepa Snow. And everything you can find . It will help you understand what's going on better and how to handle it.

My father got very paranoid, sadly all the neighbors just wanted to help but they where scared of my father, he thought anyone stepping in his property was there to take his property. . Got so bad my brother hid any guns that where in the house. I use to listen to the news in the morning and hear stories of an elder killing his wife, or this or that, and listen closer to the name.

It's hard and it sucks.

Are you POA?