Having a hard time selling my mom's historical house.

Roger, in doing a quick read on old posts, how is your mom paying for being in a facility AND how long will her $ last to entirely private pay for her care?

I ask because you mentioned paying for groceries for the both of you out of your retirement funds, and a couple of other posts expressing concerns on your running out of $.

Here is what I’m worrried about for you, & my concerns are based on mom filing for LTC Medicaid to pay for her custodial costs in the NH.

- that there has been commingling of your and moms $ once you did retirement and moved up to Silverton. That you buy stuff and you have her repay you. Stuff like this is really muddy for when a caseworker is reviewing her application as it looks like mom gifted you money. Yeah it’s explainable but extra time and math paperwork for you to do.
So in addition to all the other stuff you have to do, start to find the receipts that you can use to establish, it’s repayment NOT gifting. The caseworker are not the enemy but they need to have you provide something plausible for them to OK. Comprende?
- get the house appraised and you want it to be a “conservative” appraisal. If house is really bad as for structural stuff like foundation or has eons of delayed maintenance then get it inspected first and that inspector report you give to the appraiser to use if they desire to (they will). House having a lower value will enable it to sell faster as that is flat what you need to do as you NEED 2 HAVE IT SOLD 4 she ever files for LTC Medicaid
- Why? Well it’s because the moment she applies for LTC she is required to do a copay of all her mo income to the NH. So she will have no-nada-zero of $ to pay anything on that house. No $ for utility bills, no $ for taxes, no $ for insurance or pay the yard guy. So it will end up on you to pay and it will difficult for you to be reimbursed from the Act of Sale $ as it’s her house so her $ to the penny and $ to you would be looked upon as gifting at first glance. Medicaid really takes the position that what we do for our parents we do totally out of a sense of familial duty without any expectation of repayment. You’d end up doing an Appeal and that takes time and meanwhile the NH is getting nervous that LTC Medicaid isn’t yet approved so they are not getting any State $.

If you right now know that you are going to have to front $, and it likey to take a good long time to sell the albratross, please pls get an attorney to do a Memo of Understanding or Promissory Note drawn up with mom signing and with witnesses and notarized.

I’ve got to ask, what is your plan for when the house is sold?

Hello,

So this is your mother's house, correct? I'm assuming you're POA. The POA has a responsibility to use the person's assets in the person's best interests. That would mean selling her house and using the funds to support her care needs, just like she'd have to do for herself if she was in a position to downsize on her own. Her house = her money, meant to pay for her care.

Hello,

So this is your mother's house, correct? I'm assuming you're POA. The POA has a responsibility to use the person's assets in the person's best interests. That would mean selling her house and using the funds to support her care needs, just like she'd have to do for herself if she was in a position to downsize on her own. Her house = her money, meant to pay for her care.

It to bad this wasn't thought about , from your mom, earlier in her life. Some one could of made the house into 2 family home, or even rent rooms out.

But this is often the case, people don't want change , specially when we age, and don't want to admit are age.

I'm truly sorry, it sounds like a beautiful home

I just sold Mom's 4700 square foot home that was waterfront on a river on the Chesapeake Bay.
It was sad but the house was simply too big and a lot of upkeep.

I feel your pain. My mom recently died and we are preparing her house to sell. It isn't a beautiful, historical house, but it is fairly nice and I grew up there. Just the fact that we can't even GIVE away things like mom's solid mahogany bedroom set, and my grandmother's gold rimmed china breaks my heart.

Like others here, I fantasized about moving in and then fixing my house up to sell, or renting to family, which would turn into a disaster. Either way, I would ultimately have to sell it, and I feel like the market could go down from here. Plus I'm exhausted from the last year of mom's life.

I know selling it is the right thing to do, and you said you need the money to place your mom, so you probably have to make the same decision. I'm trying to do what grandma1930 suggested and picture a young, happy family growing up there. It makes easier to let go. I wish you the best.

You've already decided to place mom and the next thing is the house. Too big, be reasonable! I sat in the house, just like you, and became totally overwhelmed. No way could I hold onto it as mom's care came first. Just looking at everything and how to get it ready for sale was mind blowing!!! Hopefully you have the power to sell? POA? If you have siblings you will end up selling anyway for distribution after passing? Take it slow and don't let it get to you. It's a big feeling of dread at first but when it's all done, a huge sigh of relief!! One thing you should know, don't rent,too much paperwork. You'd have to become a landlord and the tax burdens along with homeowners insurance and utilities and property maintenance. The biggest threat with renting is squatters, you can't trust them to leave and leave the house in good condition.

For years, I thought that my sister and I would share dad's house in a resort area after he passed. (He set it up to become ours at the moment of his death.) Now that the reality of owning his home has come, I realized that I don't want the responsibility of caring for the house and paying all the fees that come along with it or even living in that area. Nor do I want to rent it out and have that responsibility. As hard as it is, we are taking what we want, and in July will be contacting a relative who owns a real estate firm to have them list it. This is not what I thought would happen, but when push came to shove, I realized that this is really better for us.

I would never rent a house like this out. People do not care for others belongings. Does the Community have a historical society? Maybe they will purchase it?

Know that anyone who can afford to buy the house appreciates it. They are buying because they like the history behind it. Probably will not change a thing and will love it.

Goodbyes can be hard, even to a house. My parents built a new home after I was grown, but it still became special, the base for all the family dinners and holidays. I was tasked with selling it after dad died and no doubt it was emotional. What helped me was thinking of a new family getting to have those same happy times in the home, building their own memories. I even left a short note in a kitchen drawer saying my parents had built, loved, and cared for the home for many years, and I wished them the same experience of good times in the home. You’re correct, you’ll need the money from the sale, you’ll also need the peace that can come from turning a page and seeing what the next chapter holds. Wishing you the best

Im sure it's hard to let go of the house, old Victorian style house like you described are my favorite.

But it is stuff and things, and what matters the most is your mom is being well taken care of and you will be able to find more peace in your life.

Just think how lucky you are to have the house for your moms aging and to be able to find a place that she will get the care she needs.

Of course, you have sentimental feelings about your mom’s house, especially a beautiful historical house.

I can understand why you wouldn’t want to sell it. The upkeep will be expensive and you need the money, so I don’t think you really have any other choice but to sell it.

The memories will live in your heart forever. I know that isn’t what you want to hear right now. You would rather be able to hold onto the home itself.

At least, speak to an agent to see what it’s worth. Placing your mom is going to cost a lot of money. I think having peace of mind will make things easier for you in the long run.

I am sure that whoever purchases the house will cherish it. Are you living in the house now? Take photos to have to remember what you love most about the home.

I hope all goes well when your mom transitions into her facility.

You rent out rooms or do an Air B and B or VRBO rental .

Others have given you very nice advice and suggestions already. If you absolutely cannot part with the home yet emotionally, you might consider renting out rooms in the house or the entire home. Although being a landlord is an entire new set of responsibilities with headaches. Furthermore, tenants usually will cause more wear/tear and damage to the place than you would ever imagine. I rented out my Mom's house for seven years before selling last year and it was a nice source of income to pay for her care. I just became tired of playing "landlord"; you could get a property manager to take care of vetting tenants and keeping up with maintenance requests, yet that would reduce your net income from the endeavor. Just an idea in case you wanted to entertain any other options. Wishing you the best and please let us know how you're doing.

I agree with others not to romanticize keeping the house. She needs the money to pay for her care so unless she has scads more resources than the house, it needs to be sold.

Nothing stays the same forever... as we age we all need to come to peace with this fact. Count your blessings that you were able to live in such a charming town and place. Many people don't even get to have that. If you take good pics, then you can publish a nice memory book from places like Shutterfly and Tiny Prints (to name a few). It can be like a coffee table book for conversation.

Take pictures of the house and let them be your remembrance. An aging house that belonged to parents can become a money pit and an albatross around your neck.

I had similar feelings as you do but eventually realized that selling their home was necessary and inevitable. It was a relief afterward.

Not only that, but I felt a healthy amount of anger that they’d left me with the tangle of belongings and junk and legal issues that I’d had to resolve, taking away more than 5 years of my life, enjoyment, and earning power. I didn’t deserve that. They should have dealt with their own issues while they still could. My resentment made it easy not to want to hang onto things that would bring them too much to mind.

It seems selling of property for our parents might be practice for us when it's time to let go of what we have. Selling my mom's house was so hard on me. Giving away her furniture and clothes and all that was hers just broke my heart. I'd been taking care of her house for 10 years, even when no one lived there any longer. Right now, because I've been retired for over a year, I'm throwing into the recycle all assignments I wrote for my students, my many years of research and writing, my intellectual property I guess. I'm doing it partly because of space, as we are going to be downsizing to one house, but also so my sons don't have to go through it all the way I did for my mom. I'm sure there will still be plenty. In fact I still have a lot of Mom's stuff in my storage room. That's the next chore.

I spent a fair amount of time agonizing over whether I should keep my parent's home for myself. I fantasized about the upgrades I would do, I got quotes for new windows and doors, explored getting a severance (it was part of the family farm). In the end I knew it was more house than I needed and I realized that no matter how charming old homes can be they need constant attention and are often money pits. Hard as it was I sold the property and moved mom and I to a little, more modern house in a nearby town, and today I'm so happy I did.